Hi Al,
Thank you for your kind response although I am not sure you understood my problem. I do agree that we are all the same and I do often find that talking with strangers, sharing a few words in the queue or a smile with someone passing by means a lot and provides a lot of comfort, especially when I am unable to connect with those close to me, with non strangers, and I have given the same advice to others.

However, would you agree that this isn’t enough for all of life? We do need to be able to connect closer with some people, it is important and necessary as human beings to connect in all ways, it is important for our spiritual growth and our connection as humans to be able to live with others in our lives as well as being able to live and be happy alone.

And would you not agree that fear and immense pain are not things to tiptoe around, but are to be faced and deal with, which in my original post is what I am trying to do. I don’t want to live in immense pain or fear that I will be hurt by others, I want to live in freedom and joy. This was the purpose of my post. It’s not about my social skills or about how others are, it is about me and this problem that is stopping me from living spiritually freely.

Me shying away from other humans and being afraid to connect to loved ones and those who are in my life is a problem. It is a problem if I can’t let good connections become closer out of fear, if I am holding back from connecting out of fear. It is not showing love for myself most importantly, let alone love for others. If it is causing me immense pain I want to deal with it, not hide away from it!

Thank you for your lovely words, you have a beautiful way of writing.

🙂 that really made me smile about the colouring! I might just do that, I enjoyed colouring too – I do crosswords and newspaper puzzles all the time at the moment!

Thanks for all your words of advice, it’s really great to hear about where you are now and that you are really doing so well. We do have very similar behaviours- the abuse of food, alcohol, toxic friends all resonate along with doing too much for others because I felt they would only like me if I did lots for them. Largely I have made massive progress over the last couple of years, the last year especially for me too. And even in recent days I can see different, better behaviours. I am proud of my progress.

I think the relationship with my mum is the ultimate example of this pattern of doing more for others than I expect them to do for me, of ‘putting out’ more and sacrificing myself, I realise that I don’t like myself when I do that, so a great reason not to do it now.
With my mum now, she’s lost my trust, and with that she expects me to do more for her than she is prepared to do for me, even with me being ill with ME, makes me not like her very much. I love her a lot, but the conflict with that and the way she’s treated me is what now I need to resolve. I think what you said about your relationship with your mum is going to be similar to where me and my mum end up I think. I want that freedom of feeling love for her but being free of her. Perhaps that is acceptance of who she is, but I’m not sure what else that means – I am afraid if I accept her it’ll just go back to where it was with nothing resolved. I like that you said – don’t let them take my future, very true.

Hmm interesting – in writing this it has made me realise a few things – very thought provoking!
Big hugs back! xxx

Hello Jox and Dee,

Thanks so much for your replies – they both really hit the mark. Jox your reply made me cry, you are so warm and encouraging, and I realised that I should be doing that for myself. Dee I am so touched that you registered in order to reply to me – it really helped as you’ve described me in yourself to a tee – I relate to SO MUCH of what you say. I sat down this afternoon (I am in the UK, 8 hours ahead of the time posted here), and just felt into the emotion, and I realised that I am so upset because I had an unhealthy need for them, and that I am desperate not to be alone and grasping to others to be there for me. No-one was ever there for me as a child – I was ignored or shouted at, never had even a hug or a word of praise despite achieving highly at school etc. I am hard on myself, Dee what you said about doing as much as you can for a smidgen of love that wasn’t forthcoming was exactly the same for me, and overcompensating massively, being overly grateful with friends, colleagues, etc. I have been aware of this to some level and friendships are now changing for the better (or wrong friendships disappearing).

I think I do still beat myself up about that, I see that I am hard on myself and lacking love for myself. I have been doing a lot of energy work over the last 6 months and this stuff has been filtering through I think – I think this is the big lesson I have to learn to be there for myself and to love myself.
Funny you mention the water – I’ve been drinking very little despite drinking loads normally – seems that somehow it correlates to feeling bad about myself and denying myself something I need….

Anyway so I think I’ll be re-reading this thread several times – thanks again – you really helped.
Much love to you both xx