Yes! So in one sentence/comment/look, one could consider many issues (self-consciousness, worth, love, anxiety, sadness, etc.)… all at once. Is there a technique to focus on one of those items at a time. IE She looked at me. I feel like I did something wrong, that I’m not good enough, that she’s questioning my honesty, that she’s judging me. It it feasible, or even helpful, to pinpoint the “not good enough” feeling and explore it, while just letting the other feelings/thoughts go (for now)? If so, how might one do that (without getting consumed by all the other wandering thoughts)?

Hey anita- Forgive me as I have an analytical, blank-and-white mind, so I figure there has to be some methodical approach or solution. I’m beginning to realize that life is not so cut-and-dry.

Anyway (I’ll use exercise/body-parts in place of emotions as an analogy to maybe reword my thoughts), in order to not over-whelm ourselves, I was thinking it might be best to focus on something which we know we need work on, like abs. And to focus our energies on that, not neglecting, but brushing off the other stuff (like biceps or chest) until we feel we’ve got our ab work under control. Then we can continue with the abs, and add something else, like biceps, to snowball our progress on recognizing what’s working for us and what isn’t.

Hmmmm…this is difficult to explain. I’m going to look a little more into mindfulness, and maybe that’ll help clarify your comments a little more.

Howdy Squidgirl – I’d definitely be interested to know more. Getting things down on paper seems to be something I turn to a lot, so having a framework (analytical!!) to guide that practice seems like a great idea!

Thanks to you both. As far as reading advice articles and list of things to do/not do/try, etc. I guess I do only seek them out when something is up. IE 8 Things to Give Up, in my head, only applies when I’m feeling over-whelmed. Probably good practice to read insightful articles and books, so matter the frame of mind.

Anita- While I do feel it applies, I’m wondering where we draw the line… That is, I am constantly thinking and over-analyzing, so it’s difficult to know when to consider something as being helpful/useful vs. it simply being what it is (a meaningless, wandering thought).

I suppose the place to start would be to identify those things we know about ourselves (i.e. self-conscious) and ponder or recognize the times we act or think in self-conscious ways… like a one step at a time approach, regardless of current mind-state (whether I feel good about myself or not). Then move onto the next emotional “flaw” that needs attention. What do you think?

Anita – Quite funny you say that (RE seeing eachother twice a week rather than 5 days a week), as I was going to add something of the sort, but opted not to. That is indeed the case.

Anita and Dina – Honest and open communication it shall be! I feel much better about giving this a fair shot thanks to the input you both have offered. You’ve certainly ease my over-analytical mind and, most importantly, helped make my day better!! Thank you!!

Hi Anita- thanks for the response. When you say “free herself from commitment to you” I do agree to some extent. By staying together, we’ve agreed to remain exclusive with one another. But she does want/need, it seems, to free herself from being solely focused on us and me.

She is certainly not the type to intentionally manipulate a situation, though you may be right. I believe she’s trying to be completely honest with herself and me about where her head is at. I know she’s afraid to lose me, but I think she’s afraid to lose herself more. Something I cannot fault her for. Fortunately (or unfortunately) for me, I know where my head is at (in terms of our relationship) AND that I’m capable of taking the route of long-term commitment… something I’m hoping she’ll realize at some point.

I’m thinking that this may be a good opportunity, and a reminder, to work on myself. So that, whatever the result of this situation, a personal (and hopefully mutual) positive can come of it.