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Ray

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Viewing 13 posts - 1 through 13 (of 13 total)
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  • Ray
    Participant

    Hey there,
    Life can never be easy. When the one you think you will love forever left you with some strange reasons or even without any reason, you’re heart broken. Sometimes your life is just in a mess, bad things come one after another. You cannot choose what you will face, but you can choose the attitude to respond.

    Look at the positive side in your life. You’re playing hockey in a national level. It’s amazing. You can get admitted by a foreign university, which shows you are a very intellect person. Be positive to your future. You’ve already in such a bad situation, what can be worse? You’re a great guy. You’re talented and you’re already better than many, many people in this world. Be grateful to all the achievement in your life. Things will turn around eventually. Good luck!

    in reply to: Relationship in distance…How can i get my ex back? help #55241
    Ray
    Participant

    Hi Annie,
    I feel so sorry about your story. I think you’re a romantic and courageous girl. You must be deeply hurt, heartbroken and despaired now. You don’t know the reason for breakup. You can’t give up a relationship that took you 3 years to invest and keep. I Will share my story to you. My ex lives in another city 3 hrs away. She broke up with me just before Vday. So I made the full preparation to meet her in her place. But I didn’t tell her I would come. The valentine’s night, which was the worst in my life, I kept waiting for her at her place for the whole night and she didn’t show up. The next day she told me she was out of town…I didn’t get a chance to see her or even have a call with her.

    I really appreciate your courage to fly to Japan to visit your bf. However, the fact is that he won’t be moved by your action. If he decided to break up, there must be some reason. Since you’ve been together for 3 years, the reason must come from many issues in your life rather than just one simple thing. Another fact is that you can not change his mind by doing something. Only he can decide his mind. If he feels regret in the future, he will contact you and come back. Otherwise, it’s just you are hurting yourself.

    Birthdays or anniversaries are so terrible after breakup. You will always think that it is supposed to be a splendid day. But now the day becomes painful. I know the feeling. I’m also afraid of my ex’s birthday in just less than 2 weeks. Last year it was so good and so memorable. But this year, it can’t be worse. Since you still have 2 months time, I would suggest you just move on. After 2 months, you won’t have the pain today. Time heals all wounds. But if you still decide to visit him, there’s a big chance that your wound will open again. If you love him, set him free. If he loves you back, he will back. Otherwise, just move on.

    BTW, I come from Shanghai. Welcome to Shanghai. I think at this moment you know what to do. Your suggestions to Albana are also the suggestions to yourself. hangout with friends, travel to somewhere and don’t stay at home alone. Hope you will get better soon.

    in reply to: Relationship in distance…How can i get my ex back? help #55187
    Ray
    Participant

    Hi Jefferson,
    I really can understand you feeling right now. If you have read my story, you will know that. You had faith in your relationship, you believed she also had, but she failed you. You wanted to do anything for her, but she just ignored you and blocked you. I was exactly in the same situation as yours. I was also blocked by my ex. But you can always find a way to reach her, but what’s the point?

    You’re so young. You’re only 18. I’m 100% sure that you will find a better one in your time. I know at this moment all you want is to get her back. But there’s simply nothing you can do that can change her mind. Focus on yourself! Try to forgive yourself. I know when things are worse, it usually become worse and worse. You have so many shitty things in your life and you just can’t get rid of them. But you should try to find a positive way to face the life. Take every frustration as an opportunity for growth. Have a bigger picture. In many years later, when you have got through all this and look back, you will be grateful that you have experience so much that makes you become a positive, strong and tough guy.

    Although I think you still have a chance to get her back, you should just move on this time. Don’t hold any hope. Fate will come eventually. No matter who’s the next one in your life, you should get ready for her. Improve yourself!

    in reply to: Relationship in distance…How can i get my ex back? help #55185
    Ray
    Participant

    Hi Albana,
    Thanks for your advices. I also take you as my friend. I believe with the time goes by, both of us will feel better and better. I would be happy if we can gradually forget our past and embrace our new life in the future. You can also reach me on lunarforest@163.com. We can share some happy time in our life rather than drown in the breakup.:)

    in reply to: Relationship in distance…How can i get my ex back? help #55178
    Ray
    Participant

    Good morning Albana,
    Don’t feel sorry about anything at this moment. Look, it’s totally acceptable that you can’t concentrate on any work at hand. Try to explain to your boss if you feel you should. I’m now studying in Canada. I came to Canada because of my ex. I’ll have exams this week but I totally messed up my easter holidays that are supposed to prepare for my exams. There is just no way you can get over everything immediately. I vent a lot to my parent and friend around me. I spent a lot of time online searching for others’ stories and wisdom that help me get through all this. We are in the same situation and doing the same thing.

    Age difference…I don’t know. She thought that I was too immature, which may be a big reason for breakup. She’s 26 and I’m 26. He’s 39, and therefore he’s supposed to protect you and take care of you, but he didn’t. So why do you bother yourself about him? I know you feel so bad that he seems not hurt at all. But remember, no matter what he really thinks, what he feels is irrelevant to what you feels. What are you hoping for? If he feels bad, he may can’t help and back to you?

    Now what you need to do is to follow some tips in the article you shared to me. Thanks a lot for your shared link, it’s a great article. The most important step is to start, today. Stop contact with him, or any his families. Stop looking for reasons and how he feels. Accept the breakup, embrace the impermanence. Dating with yourself……I read an article about dating yourself, sorry I can’t find the article at this moment…basically, it says that you should treat yourself very well. You used to cook for him, now cook for yourself. Go to a very nice restaurant and enjoy a great dinner. Do anything that may make you feel happy. I know you don’t want to do anything now, you only want to lock yourself and grief. But just try to push yourself a little bit hard. Again, time heals everything. I hope you can get better day by day. You’re always welcomed to talk with me.

    in reply to: Relationship in distance…How can i get my ex back? help #55146
    Ray
    Participant

    Hey Albana, you’re a very kind person. You won’t tell anything bad about him because you loved him. As I received her msg yesterday, I was so sad and angry, and replied a msg with my opinions about her flaws. But today I regretted for all the bad wordings. So you don’t need to try talking anything bad about him. It’s your nature that you are a very kind and good person and you deserve a better person in your life. I know sometimes you feel crazy by being ignored all the time. Just move on. The only good thing about my message was that it helped me kill any slim hope for our future and make my decision to move on.

    in reply to: Relationship in distance…How can i get my ex back? help #55140
    Ray
    Participant

    Hey Albana,
    I’m glad that you feel a little bit better now. You’re right, if you really decide to move on, just cut every possible way that can make u reach him or vice versa. I know it’s really, really hard. Because you loved him, and you two shared so much memories, many minor things in your life will even make you remind him. Today when I went to brew a coffee, i would remember how she brew coffee for me in the past. It’s tough. But believe me, we both will get over it.
    I’m facing the same question as yours since my ex ‘s bday is coming in 2 weeks. As yesterday she texted me that do not bother her anymore with a very cold tone, i decide i will not contact her in any ways. Whether or not wish him is up to you, but I feel you shouldn’t. After all, it won’t change anything. The earlier you move on, the sooner you get better.

    in reply to: Relationship in distance…How can i get my ex back? help #55135
    Ray
    Participant

    Hey Albana,
    I know exactly how you are feeling now. It’s heart broken and despair. Despite everything you did, he just treated you like this. Stop showing your weakness to him anymore. It’s because you need him desperately (you fly to his place and make an apologize, which is costly economically and emotionally) that you push him further away. So he just looks down you, taking all your efforts as something irrationale and immature.

    I think your msg was nothing wrong. All of these didn’t come from a wrong msg. I will recommend you to talk with your parents. They will support you in any way. Venting to your parents will make you feel better. Just remember your parents will always back on you. At this moment your parents will comfort you. Even if in the future, when things turns around and you two come back together, your parents will always support your decision. As for your bday, have fun with your friends and don’t count on his wishes……I was hurt last month on my bday. Wish you good luck. You will feel better with the time going by.

    in reply to: Relationship in distance…How can i get my ex back? help #55132
    Ray
    Participant

    I’m sorry for hearing that. It really sucks. I guess at this point no matter what you say, he won’t take it. The fact is that he knows you miss him, but he deliberately ignore you. Don’t hold any hope, move on. The fate will come naturally. My story was that we engaged, we broke up. I kept changing myself in the 2 months after our breakup, holding the hope that the new me will attract her again. But after 2 months, I got the news that she got a new boyfriend. I was totally freaked out. I shouldn’t hold any hope. Now i’m suffering great pain again. I tried the same thing as you did, but she replied that what I did just let her feel more disgusting. So please calm down. Get back to your own track. The only chance is that he wants you back in the future. Unfortunately you can do nothing to let him want except that you keep moving on. When the chance comes in the future, you may catch it. But don’t hold any hope. Life is cruel. I’m so regretted now but I can’t get back to the past. You can only look forward.

    in reply to: Relationship in distance…How can i get my ex back? help #55114
    Ray
    Participant

    Hi there, I’m exactly in the same situation as yours. I really know how you’re feeling right now. I breakup with my fiancee 2 and half months ago. i used no contact rule for one month, got rejected. Then extended to 2 months, got rejected again. Sometimes rules just don’t work out. At this moment the only thing you can do is focusing on yourself. Don’t stay at home all the time. It’s torturing. In the past week I waked up very early in the morning and then just was laying on the bed. All kinds of thoughts and happy memories would come into your mind and you just can’t get them out of your mind. So instead of staying at home, try to hang out with friend and relax. I know it’s extremely hard. Actually I haven’t got over it now either. So just try to get a little improvement everyday. Time heals all the wounds. Try to imagine a bigger picture. Maybe this is a good opportunity for you to meet a better one in your life. Cheer up and good luck!

    in reply to: Can't get over my ex #55113
    Ray
    Participant

    Dear Sharvina,
    Thanks so much for your encouragement. I like your idea that no matter how far you were if she really loved you she would have stayed with you and support you. Now I’ve seen the truth. Your every word deserves my thinking. I think I will move on soon.

    in reply to: Can't get over my ex #55112
    Ray
    Participant

    Dear Luna, after asking explanation from my ex, i feel much better to move on because I see a huge gap between us, which is not worthy my efforts. You were absolutely right that She rejected me more while I invested more, which makes a vicious cycle. In addition, I know she’s not lying. But it doesn’t matter to me now. It’s over. Her life is irrelevant to mine.

    in reply to: Can't get over my ex #55032
    Ray
    Participant

    Dear luna, thanks so much for your comforting words.You’re so nice and helpful. Though I tried very hard, Every morning is still so painful for me. Different thoughts may comes up. Yesterday I made my decision to end everything. Today I am so eager to get her back again…I tried to find every possible reasons, perhaps she was just bluffing; perhaps she is in a rebound relationship and she will end it very soon; perhaps she’s also suffering from our apart.

    Then I began to remember all the scenes we dated before. So much good memories. I can’t stop myself thinking about what I could have done so that we wouldn’t breakup. I also tried to remember all the negative traits of her. She kept demanding me while she did nothing for me. Still I can forgive her and just hope everything can be rehashing again.

    How can I Persuade myself to give up? Or how can I get her back? I really want to write a long mail to move her, but I know my chances are slim and all that I receive will be reconfirmation that it’s over.

Viewing 13 posts - 1 through 13 (of 13 total)