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Relationship in distance…How can i get my ex back? help

HomeForumsRelationshipsRelationship in distance…How can i get my ex back? help

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  • This topic has 32 replies, 10 voices, and was last updated 6 years ago by Anonymous.
Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 33 total)
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  • #55095
    Albana
    Participant

    Hello Everyone,
    There is my story. I broke up with my boyfriend,2months 1/2 ago.we were together 1year and 1/2 (in distance) but we were ok,we had plans for the future,marriage,children ect. The reason why we broke was me,i was too pushy,stubborn,cranky and he said that he couldnt take it anymore.appart that was the distance because he lives in another state(rome,italy).he said that he need a woman not a teenager to live the life together,and i wasnt good enough for him with this attitude.i wasnt tolerant ect. Also he said that he didnt feel nothing for me anymore.he said also that he was contradictor thats why we cant stay together. 1month After our break up i sent him a message just to know how he was and he replied but was too formal and cold,then (i think i made a mistake) after 10days that i sent the message,i called him and he didnt pick up and then after 1month i sent him a long message saying that i was really sorry for what happened,i was sorry that he didnt give me the last chance and i missed him and that i want him to be ok( i sent this message at 3am) i know i made a mistake but pleaseeeeeee help what can i do??? The no contact rule is not working i think. I want to say also that i talk oftenly with his mother and his relatives because we are very close to each other.
    What should i doo??? I love him and he is a good person and we were really ok.Its been almost 3 months and im the same,crying,thinking about him.I dont want to go out at night,i just want to stay home and sleep:((( ouffff,its my first time in this situation.
    I really do need some advices for everyone,i would really appreciate it.
    Thank you

    #55110
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi There!

    This is from experience:

    1. Long distance relationships are tough. No matter how close you are, there will always be an element of each person living in totally different parallel universes. His Parallel/Alternate universe took over his brain.

    2. Yes, you contacted him a little too much, too soon, with way too much emotion. The only remedy for that is to back way the h*** off!! The more he doesn’t have to respond to you, the more time he will spend wondering about the mystery of your sudden disappearance!

    3. You are close to his relatives. Close as in you see them/visit? Make sure you bring a date/guy friend/male cousin who’s a good actor. Or mention a nickname (connotes intimacy). Or post a pic online. When they ask about him shrug say, “I don’t know about him yet. I feel like I just broke up with Old Boyfriend. We’ll see.” The phones will be ringing!

    4. If you are on social media, after a few months post pics of you looking a little different dressing in a different style. He’s not the only one changing and moving on!

    5. When he contacts you again (they always do, mine always did, even years later!) wait a few days to respond. This will be difficult.

    That’s all I got. Good luck!

    P.S. All the above said, once you get a new boyfriend, YOU will be the one that got away in his mind!

    #55114
    Ray
    Participant

    Hi there, I’m exactly in the same situation as yours. I really know how you’re feeling right now. I breakup with my fiancee 2 and half months ago. i used no contact rule for one month, got rejected. Then extended to 2 months, got rejected again. Sometimes rules just don’t work out. At this moment the only thing you can do is focusing on yourself. Don’t stay at home all the time. It’s torturing. In the past week I waked up very early in the morning and then just was laying on the bed. All kinds of thoughts and happy memories would come into your mind and you just can’t get them out of your mind. So instead of staying at home, try to hang out with friend and relax. I know it’s extremely hard. Actually I haven’t got over it now either. So just try to get a little improvement everyday. Time heals all the wounds. Try to imagine a bigger picture. Maybe this is a good opportunity for you to meet a better one in your life. Cheer up and good luck!

    #55126
    buddha123
    Participant

    I had been in this situation, hoping that ex will be back.. but truth is we can not force anyone to change their mind. They themselves will have to realise whether they want you or not. If you still want him back, write an email or letter explaining your prespective and what the relationship means to you. What efforts you would like to put.. and send to him.This should be your last attempt. But, mind you don’t expect that something positive will happen. If he feels that he should try to contact you then he will.. or else he will not. But, you will have to accept that you need to move on..thats the only way you can live and expect better future for yourself.

    #55131
    Albana
    Participant

    Hello guys,
    I really want to thank you sharing and giving me advices.the truth is that maybe i had a bad behavior but you know how hard is to mantain a relationship in distance.but still i took the plane and went to Rome and i took my responsibilties,my fault but he was cold.we slept in the same bed and he touched even my hair. How can somebody who had plans with you and after a month says he dont feel nothing anymore? And the strange thing was that even when i went there and he said that its over we went to his family for lunch and dinner,he came also to my sister house for a drink.(all this happened at my last trip when i apologized for the fight that we had) I just dont understand. We borned in the same country though he lives in Rome for more than 20years.I speak with his mother on the phone,she lives also there,i speak with his grandmother,she lives here in my country,and she doesnt know about our break up,my family also doesnt know.
    Im in a totally mess,just desperate and hopeless.
    In my last long message i said to him that i was sorry that its over,that i was sorry that he didnt give me the chance to fix my mistakes and to show him that it wasnt the moment to break up after the plans that we had for the future,and because he was important for me. I said also to him that he will be in my thoughts and my heart until even the 1% of hope will vanish. I said to him also that what it hurts more is the fact that im affraid even to ask him:How are you? Because i know he wont reply.
    At the end i said that i miss him and i want him to be ok.( wrote this message at 3am in the morning) i was feeling bad,crying all night,feeling empty.
    Was a mistake to write this message?
    On June is his birthday?
    What should i do?
    Thanks again
    Very glad to talk with all of you
    Looking forward to read your opinions

    #55132
    Ray
    Participant

    I’m sorry for hearing that. It really sucks. I guess at this point no matter what you say, he won’t take it. The fact is that he knows you miss him, but he deliberately ignore you. Don’t hold any hope, move on. The fate will come naturally. My story was that we engaged, we broke up. I kept changing myself in the 2 months after our breakup, holding the hope that the new me will attract her again. But after 2 months, I got the news that she got a new boyfriend. I was totally freaked out. I shouldn’t hold any hope. Now i’m suffering great pain again. I tried the same thing as you did, but she replied that what I did just let her feel more disgusting. So please calm down. Get back to your own track. The only chance is that he wants you back in the future. Unfortunately you can do nothing to let him want except that you keep moving on. When the chance comes in the future, you may catch it. But don’t hold any hope. Life is cruel. I’m so regretted now but I can’t get back to the past. You can only look forward.

    #55133
    Albana
    Participant

    Hey Lunarforest,
    You are right but what it drives me crazy is that i did everything i could,i went there only to apologize as a grown up person but he got more angry and said all those things :((( i know i dont deserve that behaivor of him though i think was because he was still angry but what about now? Its been almost 3months and nothing.
    When is mother asked him about us he answered: I’ve discussed with Alba. The last word that he said when i was there was: Grown up!!!!
    Do you really think that the message wasnt correct? Do i have to tell to my parents that is over? Or should i wait a little more? On 16 of may its my birthday and i really hope that he can wish me.

    #55135
    Ray
    Participant

    Hey Albana,
    I know exactly how you are feeling now. It’s heart broken and despair. Despite everything you did, he just treated you like this. Stop showing your weakness to him anymore. It’s because you need him desperately (you fly to his place and make an apologize, which is costly economically and emotionally) that you push him further away. So he just looks down you, taking all your efforts as something irrationale and immature.

    I think your msg was nothing wrong. All of these didn’t come from a wrong msg. I will recommend you to talk with your parents. They will support you in any way. Venting to your parents will make you feel better. Just remember your parents will always back on you. At this moment your parents will comfort you. Even if in the future, when things turns around and you two come back together, your parents will always support your decision. As for your bday, have fun with your friends and don’t count on his wishes……I was hurt last month on my bday. Wish you good luck. You will feel better with the time going by.

    #55137
    Albana
    Participant

    Yes Lunarforest,
    Time heals everything…I think u should cut also the communication with his mother,because it reminds me of him everytime…
    But its so hard
    Im really sorry that you are at the same situation and really wish you all the best and to find a good person,because you deserve it.
    I have a smile on my face now.
    Its very strange because i cannot explain and talk with my closer friends and im doing that here and it feels better…
    What about his birthday? Should i wish him?

    #55140
    Ray
    Participant

    Hey Albana,
    I’m glad that you feel a little bit better now. You’re right, if you really decide to move on, just cut every possible way that can make u reach him or vice versa. I know it’s really, really hard. Because you loved him, and you two shared so much memories, many minor things in your life will even make you remind him. Today when I went to brew a coffee, i would remember how she brew coffee for me in the past. It’s tough. But believe me, we both will get over it.
    I’m facing the same question as yours since my ex ‘s bday is coming in 2 weeks. As yesterday she texted me that do not bother her anymore with a very cold tone, i decide i will not contact her in any ways. Whether or not wish him is up to you, but I feel you shouldn’t. After all, it won’t change anything. The earlier you move on, the sooner you get better.

    #55142
    Albana
    Participant

    Im really sorry Lunarforest,
    But at least you got an answer though a bad one and i believe you felt bad.
    What im wondering is that how come after all i cant talk bad about him,i wish all the best for him,i go to church and pray for him. For easter so i went to church and light a candle for him.
    I guess you feel the same.you dont seem a person who applies the revenge…
    About her birthday after you got this kind of answer do not wish her…as you said: it wont change anything. I think i will do the same and i hopeeee i wont change my mind.

    #55143
    Albana
    Participant

    Hey just.me,
    Thank you for your good words,
    Yeah,thats my only problem: getting him back its my main focus and i know i shouldnt do it but its something that i cant control for now.
    We broke up for stupid reasons…
    He was older than me and excpected more tolerance from him if he loved me for real.
    But i guess that asking myself Why why why will make it harder to forget about him. Ouuuuufffff:(((( I love him because at the end he is a good person but i think that he dont know what he wants.he told me: im contradictor,thats why we shouldnt stay together!

    #55146
    Ray
    Participant

    Hey Albana, you’re a very kind person. You won’t tell anything bad about him because you loved him. As I received her msg yesterday, I was so sad and angry, and replied a msg with my opinions about her flaws. But today I regretted for all the bad wordings. So you don’t need to try talking anything bad about him. It’s your nature that you are a very kind and good person and you deserve a better person in your life. I know sometimes you feel crazy by being ignored all the time. Just move on. The only good thing about my message was that it helped me kill any slim hope for our future and make my decision to move on.

    #55168
    Albana
    Participant

    Goodmorning Lunarforest,

    Im really sorry that your are in this situation but at least now you know what to do. Me,noooo…
    I dont know why his mother tells me everytime i speak with her that i should wait him to calm down,his aunty says the same…
    i really dont know whyyy:((( sometimes i think that the age difference that we have me26 and him 39 made all this.

    Im at my office and cant stop thinking about me and him,and im really sorry that my boss noticed that.
    The worst thing is that i feel that im the only person guilty in this relationship.
    I remember when he said: i gave you a lot of chances but now i cannot give you anything, you were the one full of goodwill in the beginning but you always failed. TO FAIL its something that makes me more sad and makes me cry all the time.
    it makes me think that im uncapable to keep a healthy relationship.
    My esteem is 0.
    I mean,i think that im a bad person who hurts people:(
    But i do really wish to pass all this and be happy and smile again,and i wish the same to you and all the person who are in the same situation or worst…
    WHEN I READ THE LINK BELOW I FEEL BETTER AT LEAST FOR A MOMENT,OR JUST FOR A DAY. HOPE THAT IT WILL HELP YOU ALSO…
    http://tinybuddha.com/blog/dealing-with-a-break-up-and-learning-from-the-experience/

    #55178
    Ray
    Participant

    Good morning Albana,
    Don’t feel sorry about anything at this moment. Look, it’s totally acceptable that you can’t concentrate on any work at hand. Try to explain to your boss if you feel you should. I’m now studying in Canada. I came to Canada because of my ex. I’ll have exams this week but I totally messed up my easter holidays that are supposed to prepare for my exams. There is just no way you can get over everything immediately. I vent a lot to my parent and friend around me. I spent a lot of time online searching for others’ stories and wisdom that help me get through all this. We are in the same situation and doing the same thing.

    Age difference…I don’t know. She thought that I was too immature, which may be a big reason for breakup. She’s 26 and I’m 26. He’s 39, and therefore he’s supposed to protect you and take care of you, but he didn’t. So why do you bother yourself about him? I know you feel so bad that he seems not hurt at all. But remember, no matter what he really thinks, what he feels is irrelevant to what you feels. What are you hoping for? If he feels bad, he may can’t help and back to you?

    Now what you need to do is to follow some tips in the article you shared to me. Thanks a lot for your shared link, it’s a great article. The most important step is to start, today. Stop contact with him, or any his families. Stop looking for reasons and how he feels. Accept the breakup, embrace the impermanence. Dating with yourself……I read an article about dating yourself, sorry I can’t find the article at this moment…basically, it says that you should treat yourself very well. You used to cook for him, now cook for yourself. Go to a very nice restaurant and enjoy a great dinner. Do anything that may make you feel happy. I know you don’t want to do anything now, you only want to lock yourself and grief. But just try to push yourself a little bit hard. Again, time heals everything. I hope you can get better day by day. You’re always welcomed to talk with me.

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