Have you mapped any of this out? Looked at what the worst-case scenario would be of going to NZ? My bet is you could still handle whatever that fear would be. You are already doing well. I am 37. I moved to another country at a young age and I managed. I was broke sometimes, and I had to work certain jobs to make ends meet, but I also gained things that fed my soul. I have made friends from all over the world. It could be scary and lonely at times, but I also felt proud and excited by the risks I was taking and for how excited I felt knowing I could do it. I have learned that there isn’t always a perfect time to do things, and sometimes you have to just leap. You sound like you have a very level head on your shoulders and that you are doing well and being “responsible.” But responsible to who? If you are feeling so unhappy, I think it is important to do thing for yourself. At my age, I look back and wish I had taken more risks. I am mustering the courage to do that again.

Wishing you the very best on your journey.

ps…I splurged on a trip to NZ 3 years ago. It was an amazing time.

Well said, Matt. Lots of good stuff in your reply. Charlierae, wishing you the best.