fbpx
Menu

Cecilia

Forum Replies Created

Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • in reply to: End of a relationship : need help to get over it! #360702
    Cecilia
    Participant

    Hello, Jan and Anita,

    I wanted to do a little follow-up…I had a hard time keeping the NC, especially because he contacted me a few times, congratulating me on my work during the pandemic, asking me how my new tasks were going, thanking me for a reference for his vacation…Every time, I answered and then rewrote, as if I was falling back into something addictive…And I even sent him a template for a project he’s doing. And the answers were short, cold and unreciprocated. It’s very painful. I have now convinced myself not to recontact, and if he does, I will ask him not to do it anymore.

    Another thing that upset me is that I understood between the branches that he is seeing a new person. Of course, I’ve been digging into her to see how she is everything I’m not: more beautiful, younger, very fit, champion of her sport, having travelled a lot, accomplished in her work and rich, two beautiful children…It depresses me even more…I’m no match at all.

    So that’s where I am…I wish I could have given you better news but it’s a process, I have to be aware of it. Thank you for being there for me.

     

    in reply to: End of a relationship : need help to get over it! #358728
    Cecilia
    Participant

    Exactly Anita. I’m now on Day 3 of NC. It’s so difficult! Sometimes, (particularly at night and when I wake up), I feel that he’s the only thing I could think of! We used to text each other each night and each morning, and sometimes, through the day. Again, I’m searching what I’ve done that he changes his views about me so fast and so drastically. And to not be able to just be friend to one another. Because for me, a relationship may go beyond just love feelings…It’s being real to each other, and appreciate the other person as a whole. It’s like he rejected everything that I am. Not just the part of me that could be his lover…

    I’ve set a goal of NC for 21 days. I’ll see where I am after…But this is going to be hard! He’s playing in a band and I was supposed to watch their show on Monday on the internet. Now, I’m not sure it’s a good idea!!

     

    in reply to: End of a relationship : need help to get over it! #358669
    Cecilia
    Participant

    Dear Jan,

    I also believe that his initiative problem is reflected in his behavior with me. I have always been the one who had to approach things, I think he tends to avoid conversations that will touch emotions (except when he pours out his problems with his ex and I listen to him! !)

    As for his ex, she quickly became very serious in the relationship. She made plans for family vacations (both have children, not me), renovate a cottage, live together, etc. He says that what is difficult for him is to mourn all these plans. When she told him that she had never had such a fulfilling relationship and then, she gave up on him.

    I knew him several years ago. It was then that I had feelings for him. When I contacted him in December, it was to hear from him, but obviously, it is someone who has always interested me! It is indeed possible that I needed something after my breakup and that he helped me. But I really developed feelings for him … we have so much in common! But you are right to point out that he is not emotionally stable at the moment … and maybe his attitude towards me and this decision is related to all this rather than to me exclusively …

    in reply to: End of a relationship : need help to get over it! #358668
    Cecilia
    Participant

    A few days have passed since my last message. I contacted him again, to check if he had received my message. He said yes, but that he was in his email returns over his head and that he had not returned to mine … and that it required a lot of concentration. It’s been a week already and I still haven’t gotten back. We also wrote each other this weekend, I asked him if he was uncomfortable that I write him on Messenger, he replied that for the moment, no and he has changed the subject. What could I have done or said so that it is this completely detached attitude ?? I don’t understand this behavior … I feel used. I was so present at the time when he lived a lot of sadness in front of his ex … and now that he does not need it anymore, he throws me … It is painful. I wonder if he has not already started a relationship with someone else, I would still have liked him to be honest and tell me.

    So I decided yesterday not to contact him anymore. I blocked everything on Facebook. It will be difficult, I always have something to share with him, an article, a video, an image … but I believe that I must withdraw from his life since he no longer wants me to be there …

    in reply to: End of a relationship : need help to get over it! #357963
    Cecilia
    Participant

    You are so right Anita…His ex girlfriend was very intense at the beginning (she followed him by car to his apartment the first time they met in a convention to kiss him…he was completely in shock but in a good way!) I’m not like that at all…I like that things grow…But he kept saying that it was not something for him because it’s like a rollercoaster and when the ride is over, these people just land off…

    You know what? I feel ashamed having develop feelings for him more than he did, that I thought he was Mr Right…I don’t know why but it’s like I misread the whole thing…and that he got bored a longtime ago and I didn’t back off at the time…Feels like I was not good enough and that when he started to know me better, he just quit…

     

     

     

     

    in reply to: End of a relationship : need help to get over it! #357955
    Cecilia
    Participant

    Dear Anita, Thank you for your answer. Your words, which I read on this forum concerning other subjects, are always full of empathy and light.

    I am still very hurt by the fact that he did not respond to my email, especially because we wrote by chat afterwards and that he pretended that it did not exist! I had considered the scenario that he could have started to communicate with someone else indeed … he is a known person so he often receives messages from girls. But I find your interpretation very suitable: he seeks novelty, intensity … and he told me that he had grown tired of our exchanges, that the fact that we were in lockdown made our exchanges less “surprising” “and that he no longer had the taste as much as before talking to me … It is very hard to receive because, as I told him, I have not changed myself, I am the same girl of the start. I try to support him … but when we met in person two weeks ago, he told me that his self-esteem was zero, that he felt fuzzy in all aspects of his life and s apologize for making me experience this. He did not feel ready to continue a relationship when I have expectations that he cannot currently meet … I was still hurt when he said to me: I could meet someone in a month, be attracted to something new and start a relationship. It’s very difficult to hear … I also explained to him how I felt in the email but since I don’t have a follow-up, I don’t know what he might have thought of it … I tend to try to find what I did not have or what I did which did not suit … I know that he was already reluctant just before the lockdown (but I was the one asking him to make a decision because he was not able to do it) but why not give the chance to continue to see if it evolves? I felt a little needy about being dissatisfied that he did not respond to my email … but you validate my emotion of frustration and disappointment … As if I did not deserve an answer …

     

    in reply to: End of a relationship : need help to get over it! #357952
    Cecilia
    Participant

    Dear Jan,

    Thank you so much for your response and your insights. It’s very helpful.

    I struggled for a long time against the idea of ​​rebound because I had expressed this fear to him from the start … I should have listened to how I felt but I wanted so much to start this relationship …

    They broke up in the summer of 2019. She was the one who put an end to it, among other things because she thought it was someone who took little initiative. He tells me he had a very difficult summer. Then they met again in December, with physical intimacy. She told him then that it meant nothing to her and that there was no false hope. And I contacted him 2 weeks after this happened…

    It is true that I led him to want to position himself, but he was sending me signals that I thought were those of a man interested in going towards this type of relationship with me. It is true that when I proposed supper with my family, he quickly declined telling me that he was not ready … but he made me meet his cousin and his wife the week before. ..I did not understand too much. I love your words: “And let him bridge the gap between you, don’t keep doing it yourself.” I will try to repeat it to myself when the urge comes to contact him … I just find it difficult to think back to all these good moments together, everything was going so well from the start until this event … I wanted to be there for him but it may not be me that he needs…

Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)