Dear Tom,

I’m so sorry you feel this way. The poison of comparing yourself to your friends and family is a losing game. Have you stopped caring for life and living? Or are you just feeling a sense of despair and hopelessness? It sounds like you want to live a successful life but you’re just taking a detour at the moment. Remember you’re so young. You have so much time to do ANYTHING you want. I know it’s not my place to give advice but I know what it’s like to feel like all is lost.

I found that 1. Having a routine helps tremendously. Regardless of what you’re doing. It sounds like you sort of already have a routine though, which is a step in the right direction. 2. Find things that you have even the slightest interest in. Now’s the time to do whatever you want! You have no commitments, no job, no family to take care of. The world is your oyster. Think of it as freedom. Is there anything that you’ve always wanted to do, or thought, ‘wouldn’t it be cool if I did this..?’. Now is your time! More importantly, you CAN do anything you want. I know it’s easy to find distractions and excuses and let insecurity get the best of us but I NEED you to be believe in yourself ( I believe in you, for what it’s worth). You could apply for a part time job, do you do some soul searching, improve yourself and come back better and stronger than you were before. It’s all uphill from here, I promise you! Most importantly, don’t put pressure on yourself. You don’t need to be at point A by a certain age. You don’t need to do what everyone else is doing. You don’t need to accomplish ABC to mean something in this world. It sounds like you’re quite hard on yourself a lot, but maybe it’s good that you’re in this exact position at this moment. It’s a time for you to take a step back and find out what it is that brings you happiness and purpose in the very depths of your being. I don’t know if this was of any help but let me know if you need someone to talk to.

Marie.

Instagram.com/sorcell_ca/

Hi Lily,

Reading your post was so surreal because you sound exactly like myself when I was your age. I was extremely anxious in situations in any situation where I was visible, I would avoid people and never speak up because I didn’t want to be seen or heard, mostly because I was afraid I’d say something stupid or wrong. The thing is, you know that you should stop caring what others think about you, so rationally, you’re half-way there. The difficult part is actually not caring. It sounds like you are surrounded by people who are friendly and nice to you, which is good. I’d suggest first starting with yourself and following these steps.

First, figure out who you are. I know you’re young but I’m putting you on a mission. Determine your values, what you admire, who you admire, your ethics and morals and what kind of person you are/you want to be, what you like doing and how you like spending your time. Maybe you already know all of this, that’s good. Second, I want you to learn some skills or hobbies, anything that interests you and become really, really good at it. It doesn’t have to be overnight but find things you can do in your spare time or learn things that will get you closer to the kind of person you want to be. It doesn’t matter if you can’t find one good thing or if dozens of things catch your interest, there’s no wrong way. This is how you build confidence, by building competency, investing in yourself, mastering and educating yourself, so no one’s opinion will be greater than your own because you know what you’re capable of. Third, and this is as important as the first and second, if not more, replace every negative thought with a positive one. This may be really hard at first, but don’t even entertain the negative thought or let it grow. The moment it seeps into your mind just say ‘ok, but what if *insert good thing that might happen*’. ‘What if’ is a powerful motivator that can challenge even your most difficult thoughts. Always end it on a positive thought, never a negative one.

I still get anxious from time to time, but I found that it’s because I think SO much. I am literally always in my head and I think that’s my biggest downfall. My head stopped me from doing things I really wanted to do. What I found was that, unlike other people, I had to do first and then think, rather than the opposite, otherwise I’d never accomplish anything. Love, it’s so so so important that, first and foremost, you put yourself on a pedestal and worship yourself. Think of yourself as the greatest thing to walk this earth. No one can tell you anything to bring you down because no one’s opinion matters as much as your own. No matter what environment, you’ll always thrive when you believe in yourself.

So let’s recap, do first, then think. If it’s negative we throw it out the window and replace it with a positive one or a ‘what if’! Find things to fall in love with, like hobbies, skills, passions, interests. Lastly, worship yourself and who you are, even if you don’t think of yourself as the world, find your strengths and magnify them by a 1000x.

Let me know if you need any more help. You can always contact me on insta @sorcell_ca

Marie xoxo