I understand. Is it so that anxiously attached people are also anxious outside relationships? Because I thought this only manifested itself in intimate relationships

For example, I notice that I get anxious when I perceive abandonment (like her telling she is not coming). She on the other hand doesnt seem so anxious in a relationship but very much so outside.  I on the contrary am not so anxious outside a romantic relationship

she turns to me for comfort but you cant have the best of both worlds

• This reply was modified 7 years ago by Tom.

Thank you very much Anita. I think she is indeed anxious since she is anxious about a lot of things. Does this qualify as anxiously attached?

At the moment she is very anxious about her new job and cannot get the proper comforting by her current boyfriend.

We were supposed to meet tomorrow but she cancelled saying that all the impressions this week are too much for her (impressions on work and me)

During our relationship there was a lot of push/pull. I see this as another push, am I correct? This makes my anxiety levels rise and i do not want that. So next time I see her I will tell her that we need to take our distance again.

What do you think?

You said: she was not calm enough to not fight. So i did not comfort her enough?

Thanks for replying anita.

I think the fighting was more due to my anxiety anand was more my fault.

If we break all contact, how then can i regain her trust?

What do you mean by: she was not comforted enough to not fight?