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I need some input or advise

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  • November 9, 2017 at 11:41 am #177289
    Tom
    Participant

    Thank you once again.

    could you elaborate a bit more on how old wounds keep coming back in a relationship? I mean: 1 of the signs of old wounds is chronic fighting (yes thats what we did). But with a nice friendly guy who won’t fight with you, how can these old wounds then interfere with your relationship?

    November 9, 2017 at 11:58 am #177303
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Tom:

    You are welcome.

    Old wounds of the kind that happen in childhood take place in the brain. We shed our skin; we don’t shed our brain. The same brain cells, the same neurons that we had as children and the connections between them, are the same neurons and connections we have as adults.

    And so, the past is really not in the past, it is in the present. The guy she is with may be as calm as can be, but if she is not calm, so … she is not calm. She doesn’t take on his brain. She is stuck with her own.

    anita

    November 9, 2017 at 12:03 pm #177307
    Tom
    Participant

    I understand. Is it so that anxiously attached people are also anxious outside relationships? Because I thought this only manifested itself in intimate relationships

    For example, I notice that I get anxious when I perceive abandonment (like her telling she is not coming). She on the other hand doesnt seem so anxious in a relationship but very much so outside.  I on the contrary am not so anxious outside a romantic relationship

    she turns to me for comfort but you cant have the best of both worlds

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 5 months ago by Tom.
    November 9, 2017 at 12:13 pm #177315
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Tom:

    Anxiety is like fire, it attaches itself to this or that and ignites it. Sometimes it stays in one area, at other times it expands to new areas.

    At times we feel calm and think we will remain calm, but if anxious, that fear is not done igniting, it is only on a break.

    Healing is possible but it is very difficult, requires lots of time and work, lots of patience.

    * I will soon be away from the computer for about 16 hours. Hope to read from you again.

    anita

    November 9, 2017 at 12:16 pm #177323
    Tom
    Participant

    Many thanks for your input. Are you a therapist?

    November 9, 2017 at 12:27 pm #177329
    Anonymous
    Guest

    No, I am not a therapist, Tom. And you are welcome.

    anita

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