Forum Replies Created
November 19, 2013 at 6:21 pm #45504MelindaParticipant
Hi Surabhi, first of all I wish I could give you a great big hug. It’s so very hard living in this crazy world sometimes, huh 🙂 First of all, I want you to know you have everything you need right now, including love. It’s true I promise. It’s just hard to see sometimes with all the drama that surrounds us.
I don’t know why some of us chose/were chosen to come into this world to parent’s who cannot give love. I “believe” it is because some souls have chosen to evolve further in this lifetime. Either way it is a bumpy road sometimes.
You have a great opportunity Surabhi, to learn the ultimate lesson of “self love”. Not narcissistic love, but a deep love of who you really are… which is pure love. Once you do that, you will be surprised how people around you will start to treat you differently. In order to do this, you are going to have to give yourself the love you may not have gotten elsewhere. You will have to nurture yourself, and stop being so hard on yourself. I am guessing you are probably your own worst critic. Maybe a perfectionist? 🙂
Surabhi, have you ever taken the time to congratulate yourself on your accomplishments? You are an engineer, which is a pretty hard college program – very few people could make it through (including me), that is pretty dang awesome. You are working on a Master’s. You are so very strong for making it through childhood with less than stellar family dynamics. You have seen and felt some really hard things, but you made it through. Celebrate this, so many people would have given up already. You are a sensitive soul, and that is something else to celebrate … because we need more in this world.
In order to move on, you are going to really have to work on nurturing yourself. This means being able to cry without judgement. You will need to nurture yourself like a child, allow yourself to feel what you need to. You are going to have to take responsibility for yourself. This means realizing your parents cannot give you what you need, you have to give it to yourself. Once you start to give yourself what you need, and don’t expect it from others, you will be surprised how others will change their reaction to you. When you heal yourself, you heal the world and those around you.
It’s not easy nurturing ourselves. It takes discipline and heart. But I think you can do it Surabhi. I think you can heal the parts of you hurting, and in the process heal those around you. You are a strong person, but you have deep feelings too. You have to recognize and nurture those feelings.
If you ever want to talk feel free to email me anytime. I have been in your shoes before.
Lots of love – MelNovember 19, 2013 at 5:55 pm #45503MelindaParticipant
First of all, I feel for you. One day, when your a fully enlightened spiritual guru (kind of kidding) you will look back at all of this and laugh. I promise. So many of us have been in this position before, including myself. I think it really doesn’t matter if you e-mail her or not, because that really isn’t the problem. I think the bigger issue is what your feeling, and how you can “feel it, and heal it”. Our brains are geniuses at distracting us from uncomfortable feelings.
This is just a guess, but perhaps all this drama worrying about “answers” and “why” is really a distraction from the pain. Your obviously still in pain, and thinking up stories and worrying about “why” is only distracting you from feeling what you need to. I only know because I have been in those trenches before. How did I get out? I acknowledged my thoughts, but I didn’t let them “lead me”. I finally realized all the “long talks” with the “other person” only made me more anxious, and never really helped the pain. Once I realized that this situation happened for my “healing and evolution” I was able to step back. I was able to look at the experience as a learning and healing experience. I quit all the drama, and just allowed myself to feel. I cried (without telling myself stories), got angry, got scared. And when it was all done … I laughed with friends about all the drama of that time :). The experience doesn’t hold the same emotional charge it used to, because I allowed those emotions/energy to move through me … and not control me.
I won’t lie, it wasn’t always easy. Healing and evolving rarely are. However, with the realization that the universe knows exactly what experiences we need to heal, I was able to get through it. I would not trade the experience for anything, because it taught me so much about myself, where I hurt, and where I needed to heal. I am sending good energy your way 🙂