Menu

Need Some advice pls help

HomeForumsEmotional MasteryNeed Some advice pls help

New Reply
Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #45480
    Surabhi
    Participant

    Hi I am 23 year old Indian girl from middle class family. I have currently four members in my family. I am Engineer and currently pursuing masters.
    So my family had many problems since I was child. We were 3 sisters and 1 brother. My both sisters got married. I have seen very difficult times. As a child I didnt get lot of pampering and all. Our family used to be always stressed. Some years before we faced hell of difficult times when my sister tried to do suicide. I was a very bright child and always topper in evry class. But due to these family problems I am going down. Now nobody in the family cares about each other.
    I think m suffering from depression. I cry alot these days and more worse is that people notice that I cry but nobody cares not even my mother, father. they just abuse me constantly. My borther worst…he steals money from my bags…I have no friends and some tht i have i cant call them friends because they just find point to weaken me, insult. Every time I try to be friend with someone, Nobody cares. My girl friends also just keep making fun of me in front of me. even i know i am better in aspects that them but i cant find confidence. I think I am the only person in the world which is so different not able to handle things as they are.
    every girl around me have loving parents…if not they have good friends..someone who actually care for them..
    I am just alone…. and if I keep crying nobody just care…they ignore..that hurts me most
    After B tech I got placement in a good compony but due to my introvert behaviour they fired me.. I cudnt tolerate it.. My health is going down..My beautiful hairs are turning gray, my eyes getting dark, m bulging. SOme years before I was a beautiful girl but now I look ugly. I cant handle things. Why cant I be like others who seem happy alwys? why can t i have ppl who care for me? why cant be normal/?
    but somehow i think that i can do bettter…if i try..so tht i will inspire ppl who r miserable…bt how? can u tell me something that will make me strong and help me getting out of it? Plz help building my health, confidence..somebody plz talk to me

    #45485
    Karin
    Participant

    Dear Surabhi,

    This must be very hard for you. It seems to me everything in your life is against you. Is there nothing in your life that makes you smile? Something small perhaps? Like the sun on your skin, a beautiful leaf on a tree, a smile from a stranger. There is always something.

    Everything you need is within you. Find things that inspire you, read books (like the power of now by eckhart tolle), go to places where you may find support (a yoga- or meditation class perhaps).

    When you feel a little stronger perhaps you can talk to those close to you and tell them how they make you feel. Talk from your heart. If you only show your tears, but not your thoughts no one will know how to support you.

    Your last sentence is a beautiful one: ‘…so that i will inspire people who are miserable…’ The people who seem to ignore you probably all have something they worry about. Perhaps you can support them and maybe that will inspire you to feel better about yourself.

    In the mean time you will always have tiny Buddha!

    I wish you a lot of strength and love,
    Karin

    #45504
    Melinda
    Participant

    Hi Surabhi, first of all I wish I could give you a great big hug. It’s so very hard living in this crazy world sometimes, huh 🙂 First of all, I want you to know you have everything you need right now, including love. It’s true I promise. It’s just hard to see sometimes with all the drama that surrounds us.

    I don’t know why some of us chose/were chosen to come into this world to parent’s who cannot give love. I “believe” it is because some souls have chosen to evolve further in this lifetime. Either way it is a bumpy road sometimes.

    You have a great opportunity Surabhi, to learn the ultimate lesson of “self love”. Not narcissistic love, but a deep love of who you really are… which is pure love. Once you do that, you will be surprised how people around you will start to treat you differently. In order to do this, you are going to have to give yourself the love you may not have gotten elsewhere. You will have to nurture yourself, and stop being so hard on yourself. I am guessing you are probably your own worst critic. Maybe a perfectionist? 🙂

    Surabhi, have you ever taken the time to congratulate yourself on your accomplishments? You are an engineer, which is a pretty hard college program – very few people could make it through (including me), that is pretty dang awesome. You are working on a Master’s. You are so very strong for making it through childhood with less than stellar family dynamics. You have seen and felt some really hard things, but you made it through. Celebrate this, so many people would have given up already. You are a sensitive soul, and that is something else to celebrate … because we need more in this world.

    In order to move on, you are going to really have to work on nurturing yourself. This means being able to cry without judgement. You will need to nurture yourself like a child, allow yourself to feel what you need to. You are going to have to take responsibility for yourself. This means realizing your parents cannot give you what you need, you have to give it to yourself. Once you start to give yourself what you need, and don’t expect it from others, you will be surprised how others will change their reaction to you. When you heal yourself, you heal the world and those around you.

    It’s not easy nurturing ourselves. It takes discipline and heart. But I think you can do it Surabhi. I think you can heal the parts of you hurting, and in the process heal those around you. You are a strong person, but you have deep feelings too. You have to recognize and nurture those feelings.

    If you ever want to talk feel free to email me anytime. I have been in your shoes before.

    Lots of love – Mel

    #45620
    Al
    Participant

    As Mel stated, how you act around your family will affect how they will act towards you. Be too providing to your family and they will become overly dependent of you and further add to your stress but be too neglecting and they will continue their destructive behavior. Handling your family will not be an easy task however it must be done for your sake. Running away will only leave you guilt ridden. A very fine balance will need to be maintained if you wish to succeed. Also, do not expect instant results. This may be a long term endeavor due to the extremity of your situation.

    As to how to obtain the strength to carry out this task, well, it’s rather quite simple: use your love for them. 🙂 If you want a happy family you will work hard for it and not give up. Trust me on this, I speak from personal and similar experience. Do not wholly rely on others for strength as well as they will not always be around at all times. Learn to cultivate it from within so you can draw it out at any time. Use what you were told in the other reply posts and you should have no problem. Trust in yourself, you will make it!

    #46136
    Sandy
    Participant

    Hi Surabhi, after reading your post I couldn’t help but to notice you listing all the negative aspects of your life. Sometimes we get so caught up in the bad things in our lives that we forget about the good. When I start feeling bad about myself I sit down and write down all the good things about me and my life. Things will never be perfect and we have to be grateful for what we have been given. It sounds like you are a really nice and smart girl. I know you may feel like your family isn’t the best but at least you have a family. It also sounds like you were given the opportunity to go to school and even obtain an Engineering degree. If you feel like your family and friends are bringing you down then go find new friends and family. One thing I have learned is that your family doesn’t have to be only blood relatives. Family is those individuals who are close to you and are there for you. Don’t limit yourself to a fishbowl, travel and maybe move somewhere where you can meet new people and start your own life. After all this is your life and you shouldn’t let others dictate it. Also don’t expect other people to give you things that only you can give yourself. Love yourself first and you’ll soon realize that what others may thing doesn’t matter. If you want something, go get it. Finish school, move to a new town and meet new people and learn new things about the world. Perhaps try volunteering, this will help you see beyond your own needs. It will help you realize that there are more important things in life. Focus on the good and love yourself, only you can make yourself happy. Good luck and don’t give up.

    #46261
    Sahara
    Participant

    Take a deep breath surahbi,, No one can put you down ,, go up or down on your own hands no with others,, No matter what think about your self first ,, make your self happy ,, you cannot please whole family, you dont need to have a blood relative to be care and be there for you it can be a total stranger. Every family has ups and downs, we need to learn to be strong, who ever try to put you down is because they are jealous of who you are,, let them see that you can do more,,,, if you need me I am always there for you… always love simplemind

    #46299
    Priscilla
    Participant

    Hi Surabhi!

    First, a big hug for you!

    Second, I know what you’re going through because I went through similar predicament when I was younger. I think you’re yearning for some love in your life and I know it sucks when the very people that are supposed to love you hurt you instead.

    Now, I’m 27 years old. Ten years ago, I was where you are right now. My parents were emotionally distant (they still are), me and my siblings couldn’t care less about each other because they have also been depraved of love. My father and my brother beat me and called me fat, ugly, etc and my brother stole my cellphone, twice! And guess what, my parents didn’t believe their holy son could have done such things.

    I was depressed, and just like you, I would burst into tears in public places out of nothing. I also cried every night and no one ever approached me to offer some listening ears or a shoulder to cry on. At my worst, every night as I was crying, I’d mumble ‘there’s no hope’ repeatedly to myself like I was in some kind of trance. I began to shut myself from “friends” because they didn’t understand what I was going through or why I was so gloomy all the time. All they saw was this person with dark clouds hanging above her and they wanted nothing to do with it.

    Sounds familiar?

    So, you mentioned you’re an engineer pursuing your master’s degree? Good. Persevere, Surabhi. Keep calm and persevere.

    What got me through my darkest hour was the knowledge that I did well academically, that no matter what, substance will triumph over any superficial things. That, and despite everything, I still want to live a good life.

    After graduation, I looked for a job in another country and have been living there since. Now, my way out perhaps doesn’t apply to you, or maybe it does, but no matter what, just persevere. And sometimes it’s good to distance yourself from all the bad influence in your life including your family, if only for a while, to gain some perspectives.

    When I shut myself off from my “friends” and other life distractions and became a loner, it might seem counter-intuitive but it has actually done me good because I really had a chance to think about who I was, what I wanted in life, and how I could get them.

    Just persevere, Surabhi. Persevere and fight for the life you deserve.

    #46339
    Sean Bloomfield
    Participant

    Hi Surabhi
    I understand how alone you must feel, but if you stop ……for just a moment and notice the speed by which all these people responded with compassion ,care ,and I know ” love” in their hearts to your cry for help
    The world can at times seem unforgiving when it’s forcing us to look deep within our own hearts and minds to help us to find out who we truly are.
    My son is doing his masters as we speak and I know the commitment and dedication it requires to apply yourself. But above all else you need a certain amount of intelegence in order to comprehend the course… So my point is this,you sound so intelligent and your plea to this site proves you have an understanding of loving intelligence . Now you have to start educating yourself as to how important ” YOU ” are , because you deserve the opportunity to live the best life you can and the only people allowed to prevent that ..are the people you allow to prevent that.
    By learning to love yourself it will empower you to start fight back . When you start wining small battles your confidence will grow and so will you.
    Good luck and be the pussycat who looks in the mirror and sees the “lion” looking back
    Sean

    #46419
    reha
    Participant

    Surabhi

    You should be proud of yourself. I’m of Asian origin and always wanted to pursue with my education and do something with my life but let family get in the way by way of bullying please don’t make the same mistake I made. Looking out for your families interest or approval especially if they are the ones dragging you down is not going to help you in the long run. Be you. You believed in yourself that you would achieve in becoming an Engineer and you DID…. Do your masters and follow your heart and achieve your dream. Your success in life will automatically bring your family closer to you. You know Surabhi, being pampered doesn’t fill in the empty space where ‘love’ should be. Some parents may feel they have nothing to give, yet again their presence, words of encouragement is the biggest gift for any child, on the other hand there may be parents who have the riches to pamper you, but don’t have or provide the elements which is of vital importance in a child’s life and that is love and support . Don’t stop being you. You’re beautiful and don’t ever forget it. Its okay to cry. Its even better not to be perfect, but you are. Bullying is not acceptable so don’t accept it. Its through life’s experiences that we realise and become who we really want to become. Your life is just starting and engineering opportunities are worldwide, as the sayings go ‘ live your life, not life live you’ and build your own dreams not get hired to build someone else’s’ Its a big world out there with so many opportunities and so many wonderful people don’t wait for it, go get it. I am from a family of 3 sisters and 1 brother and believe me I understand where you’re coming from. I’ve suffered too I was too scared to even talk, so instead I let myself down by keeping quiet and not having a say in a life, made by them for me, which I didn’t want and didn’t last too long either. However, if I had the knowledge and understanding that I have today, my dream would have been built and my life would have been made by ME. PLEASE don’t make the same mistake as I did. Go fulfil your dreams and ambitions whilst you can……..You can do it……You will do it………Believe in yourself, look after yourself, love yourself. You are YOU………..

    All my love
    Reha x

Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.