Melissa Dinwiddie

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    Melissa Dinwiddie

    Kerianne that is so true — the things that annoy us in others are so often the things that we don’t like in ourselves. And yes, realistic expectations and clear, firm boundaries make everyone’s lives better!

    Melissa Dinwiddie

    Yes, exactly, Jari! It takes you out of victimhood and gives you your power back!

    I noticed this recently, when I started kind of blaming my sedentary boyfriend for my own lack of consistency with my exercise commitment. Studies have proven that low physical fitness is “contagious,” and I was latching onto that scientific fact to set the blame outside myself.

    Um, HELLO! It is MY choice whether I exercise each day or not! Yes, I wish my boyfriend were more active, but my own physical fitness is MY responsibility.

    I think it’s an easy temptation to set the blame outside oneself, but I always find it really empowering when I finally suck it up and accept 100% responsibility for my own happiness. 🙂

    I made a piece of art with that saying on it, “100% responsible for my own happiness!” which you can see here (I tried to upload it, but couldn’t):


    Melissa Dinwiddie

    I don’t know if this is what you were looking for, @jennifer-boykin, but just yesterday someone unsubscribed from my list and left a rather spiky, critical message as to why.

    My first reaction (as it so often is) was to start questioning myself. “Oh my goodness, is what they’re saying true?”

    Thankfully, I’m wise enough at this point in my life to know two important things about criticism:

    1) It always says way more about the person criticizing than it does about me.

    2) It only hurts when it pushes a button or touches a wound.

    I remembered these two facts, and that helped me to “step outside of the distress” and look at the situation with more neutrality.

    “Hmm… This person said my emails were too X and too Y. That means that is how SHE was struck by them. NOT that other people have the same perception. Given the many, many subscribers who tell me regularly that they love my emails, I can reasonably assume that what she said is not The Truth, but simply how SHE personally responded.”

    “Hmmm… The fact that I feel so hurt by this criticism is a pretty clear sign of how afraid I am of coming across as this person accuses! It doesn’t mean I AM that; it means that I’m afraid of BEING that! She pushed my buttons!”

    Simply going through that process made a huge difference in diffusing the hurt.

    That, and talking to some people who know me and my work, who see things VERY different from the hater, and could give me a good reality check. 🙂

    Melissa Dinwiddie

    After major knee surgery 2 1/2 years ago, I’m so grateful every day that I can run up and down stairs again!

    I’m grateful for running water and central heating!

    I’m grateful to be able to do work that I love, and make a difference in the world using my creativity.

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