I don’t know if this is what you were looking for, @jennifer-boykin, but just yesterday someone unsubscribed from my list and left a rather spiky, critical message as to why.

My first reaction (as it so often is) was to start questioning myself. “Oh my goodness, is what they’re saying true?”

Thankfully, I’m wise enough at this point in my life to know two important things about criticism:

1) It always says way more about the person criticizing than it does about me.

2) It only hurts when it pushes a button or touches a wound.

I remembered these two facts, and that helped me to “step outside of the distress” and look at the situation with more neutrality.

“Hmm… This person said my emails were too X and too Y. That means that is how SHE was struck by them. NOT that other people have the same perception. Given the many, many subscribers who tell me regularly that they love my emails, I can reasonably assume that what she said is not The Truth, but simply how SHE personally responded.”

“Hmmm… The fact that I feel so hurt by this criticism is a pretty clear sign of how afraid I am of coming across as this person accuses! It doesn’t mean I AM that; it means that I’m afraid of BEING that! She pushed my buttons!”

Simply going through that process made a huge difference in diffusing the hurt.

That, and talking to some people who know me and my work, who see things VERY different from the hater, and could give me a good reality check. 🙂

How poignant, relevant and fresh; this unfortunate ‘subject’ has risen its head again in my own life. I tried will all of energy to defuse it before it grew into something and I expressed my concerns in a private nature but still it grew into a monster. I held my ground and I would not accept this behavior because the majority saw no real reason to get upset. In the aftermath of its roar, I was truly troubled because nothing really changed. My convictions reain intact and I do not accept any hate, feed the monster or offer it shelter in my life and I cannot justify it no matter what the target may happen to be.

1) I truly believe that hate is something we learn, it did not come to us as newborns.

2) It is much easier to accept this type of behavior for our own than it is to question why we do it anyway.

3) So many people try to hide beneath of a historical ‘blanket’ to give their very own actions a reason to continue.

4) For me the idea of hate needs to be treated like a carcinoma, know its dangers and remove all of it.

5) Once your heart is void of hate, you have to redirect what influences your life or it will overtake you all over again.

6) Hate and Love cannot live within the same heart for very long periods of time, negative forces will eventually pulling you down

7) Love is a much better choice, at least it is for me and my life.

8) We communicate not only verbally but with our body language so I try to avoid making a gestures that could be hurtful.

I honor and respect your opinions and insight, so give me some directions to improve, because I struggle with the negative forces each and every day.

• This reply was modified 10 years, 9 months ago by Bob.