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Mellow

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  • #193495
    Mellow
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    Michelle this happened to me 2 days ago and I’m in much pain. Can we talk? I think it may help us both tremendously. I feel like losing my mind.

    #193493
    Mellow
    Participant

    It’s happening to me now, but he gets to choose her. I have a feeling he lied about many things, he seemed like a liar in the relationship and what gives me anxiety is what he was and wasn’t being honest about. During our break he was hanging out with her as  a”friend” while he said he would come back to me. He either knew in advance his parents would say no and tried to move on or it happened more sudden and he didnt try that hard to convince them. He said he didnt want to make a scene and so forth and have things go wrong..mentioned he is slowly trying to convince them..while at the same time saying he kissed the girl and this is what he will do etc…and says he wants this..then says he hopes so etc. He seems he is convincing himself of it…either way I don’t know what to believe or what not to anymore. I’ll miss what I thought we had pretty badly and our connection was so intricate and specific and just out of this world, he agreed and was continually surprised by it too. I don’t know, I feel like it’s one big nightmare but I think it’s because it’s mixed in with him lying to me about things and me feeling gas lit by half of it. You start thinking of things that happened in the relationship and start wondering what each time was and what wasn’t real and drive yourself crazy. He had a marriage site too as an app claiming he liked it because his friend runs it..which did check out but it still makes me wonder. It gives me panic attacks to think about what he was being honest or lieing about because it takes away from what he had and confuses me. Even if a majority of what we had was real..the way he treated me in the end was bad whether forced by parents or not..he couldve told me rather than leading me on while he tested things otherwise behind my back and dragging his feet. I almost feel he might have never followed through anyways whether his parents were involved or not if he can be so easily convinced and not want to make a scene…I think the reason what he says doesn’t add up or make sense is because he is confused himself genuinely on what to do mixed with trying to accept his new reality and adding his lies, misleading me and so forth. Even if his parents weren’t an issue, I saw his true colors and his erratic behavior on it’s own..the stress of this just showed me how bad his emotional maturity is and how selfish he behaves when he doesn’t get his way or when things become too hard for him…I used to think he was completely sweet and supportive and loving but now I see that there were lies thrown in, even about other things. Idk what to think anymore. Im starting counseling soon to help me move on. Part of me wanted to ask him more why questions on top of what I did but if he really cared he wouldve told me while this was all going on rather than leave me waiting for him, he wouldve been honest, he wouldve fought his parents harder or delayed things more, he wouldnt have tried getting to know her while I was waiting etc. whether she was an easy rebound after us turned into a possibility or not. He said he wants to marry me and told his parents and if there was no pressure he would’ve but we don’t know that …he was already hanging out with her alone..friends or not if he knew there were feelings, he lied to me. I need to realize it for what it is and stop trying to make excuses for his behavior and deception as just him being forced etc. Before all of this happened, I had trouble trusting him consistently, because 90% of the time he was honest but that 10% was REALLY stuff that never added up and it was between him pretending its the truth or immediately admitting it based on his mood that day and what he felt like putting up with. I don’t think this is completely just his upbringing like he says, I feel he is just lazy and weak not to be mean..especially emotionally and more so in a selfish way, not just because he couldn’t help it like I thought. I don’t know. Im conflicted, confused and so many other emotions. After I sought him out , while he stopped reaching out and so forth, he finally told me 2 days ago..its horrible how long he may have let it drag. Who knows. Whether it be that he hung out with that girl or whether it was this whole marriage b.s. I hope one day I will fully heal and forget the pain he has caused me. He seems to be dragging his feet to let me go, which is endearing but I can’t see him the same way anymore because I don’t trust him at all.

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