It’s worth pointing out that you don’t really _know_ that that’s how he lives his life. Nobody is completely free from insecurities, rules or fears and nobody is perfect. Also “cool” isn’t in the content but in the execution, it’s a skill, a good storyteller can make a boring day at the office sound exciting. Picking up girls and telling stories of his adventures is quite possibly his own insecurities showing through, perhaps it’s the only way he knows how to build up his confidence.

It’s not really something you have to keep in mind all the time, but it’s good to break things down and see them for what they are when we’re stuck in a loop inside our own heads.

I’ve felt that way before, but I’ve come to the conclusion that that feeling isn’t actually love, it’s not lust either though. It’s closest to falling in love with your imagination of falling in love.

I think it’s basically your imagination getting the better of you, reality is rarely how we imagine things to be. You can’t actually know if you’re in love until you get to know her, you can’t actually know if she’s ignoring you until you try to talk to her and you can’t really know how anything will turn out until you try something. That’s reality, there’s no way of getting around it.

Also it’s not that you can’t handle your emotions; emotions are difficult to handle, it actually takes practice and even training to handle emotions! It’s probably not something you should care about at 15 though, but if you want to be progressive for your age then thinking about life in general or taking up meditation could save you the trouble later. Because if TinyBuddha is any indication, you can still face the same issues 5, 10 or even 30 years from now. Probably no point in waiting for them to hit you in the face when you’re 50. =]

Something I’ve heard and found out for myself that helps is trying to balance everything, if you think something is amazing try to find flaws. If you think somebody is beautiful look for things that make them ugly. It’s not so much about “killing emotions”, the person is obviously still beautiful in a lot of ways, but that’s no longer the _only_ thing you see, which forces you to see the reality instead of just what you want to see, which helps manage the emotions evoked through our imagination of how we think things are.

Works the other way around too, if at first glance we think something is awful, look for things that make it interesting. Balancing things out in this way balances out the emotions and then you can tackle reality with a clear head and make better decisions.

It all still takes practice, I’m far from perfect at managing my emotions, but I’m probably a lot better at it than a year ago before I thought about any of this. So it helps, with time and practice.

I apologise if I sounded judgemental, I was aiming for neutral, I don’t really have a stance on casual flings one way or the other.

My point was that he was charming because of his stories and worldliness, it sounds like that difference is what caused the attraction from the get-go, you might have even put him on a pedestal without noticing. So it’s not surprising that that difference is also what caused the disconnection later when it became more obvious.

Just felt like clarifying that in my comment I didn’t mean anybody should actively try and hurt back; just that you shouldn’t beat yourself up for giving an honest, straight answer.

I can say I’m in a similar situation, although I’m a guy, I’ve felt like you at times, but more or less have gotten past that stage. Even though I still haven’t found a relationship, I’m happily looking for one and not feeling envious of anyone anymore.

The reason for that is that those thoughts you are having are not reality, it’s as simple (or difficult) as realising that.

In truth different things attract different people. We really overestimate how much certain things matter, for example in the looks department. “Prettier” is a matter of opinion; you might think somebody is the pinnacle of beauty and another person will think her nose is too big / small, lips thin / thick, eyes not interesting enough, hair colour wrong etc.. etc…

Also if you keep believing that the only thing (decent) guys care about is looks, you’re going to be miserable for a very long time, even if you’re a super model. It’s doubtful anybody worth attracting is going to want to be in a relationship with somebody that boils their entire personality down to just what can be seen in the mirror! Think about it!

You’re not going to feel very good about yourself when the only reason your boyfriend is hanging around is because he likes your face or big breasts, make sense? Don’t even bother comparing yourself to other people.

Just meet new people, some will be attracted to you and some will not, everybody will have their own reasons. Hang around people because you find them interesting and because it’s fun, see what happens from there.

I know from experience this is sometimes easier said than done, but just work on it and eventually it’ll just be your nature, the way you’re thinking right now won’t make you happy even after you find a relationship, it won’t be what you want because it won’t be for the right reasons.

That’s fine but realistically unless she wants the help there’s nothing you can do. You can’t force happiness, we have to want it and work towards it ourselves. So until she decides on that and wants your help you are unfortunately not needed.

Another way to look at it is that when she tries to hurt you she also hurts yourself; distancing yourself so that she has no reason to lash out is doing her a favour as much as yourself. Basically you’re providing her the opportunity to hurt herself (by hurting you) by not leaving well enough alone.

And I’ll just repeat for emphasis: I believe you can’t force somebody to be happy, you can’t shove love down their throat, happiness is an internal struggle that we have to do for ourselves. The best you can do is be as compassionate with her as anybody else.

I would go as far as to say that not only is it conquerable but it has the chance to make you a stronger, more compassionate and interesting human being. There’s no light without some darkness and we take way too many things for granted until something awful happens.

This doesn’t just go for depression but really for any sort of struggle you might encounter.