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Michael2

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  • in reply to: Dealing with Depression #88498
    Michael2
    Participant

    Hey Anita, thank you so much for responding. I didn’t think anyone would respond. I have two beautiful kids. I am 36 And I am very involved with my children and love them dearly. I used to have a thriving career in finance, I went to school got an MBA and and worked hard to provide. I lost my job shortly after the recession hit and in the town I am in there no opportunities close to what I used to do. I took a job as consultant for local Christian University and the position was just terminated; its a struggle to find anything, so I been mowing yard, doing computer work, anything I can to take care of my kids.
    I have family nearby, but they are not welcoming or understanding of this; they are very judgemental and emotially disconnected. I don’t have any friends, I know tons of plp but no one is a friend. Many plp in town know me but they really don’t know me, they just know and friendly, fun and good guy but no true friends, therefore, i dont have anyone to vent to.
    The girl I reference just got me. She understood my pain and understood that I loved my kids and do anything for them. She knew me for who i was, so when this happened she killed whatever bit of trust I had. I feel betrayed but overall, I feel disposable, worthless, snd lacking importance. I truly loved n feel stupid if of it. But I guess, it not just that, it combination of events, n I just can’t get it right. I can’t see straigt anymore. My thought are non stop and I can almost feel it in my brain I cannot make it stop. I want to make my thought disappear n I cry, scream but is there.

    in reply to: Dealing with Depression #88492
    Michael2
    Participant

    I also quietly suffer from depression. I say quietly because not many plp know. Some know it comes and goes but they see me as a man who helps everyone, big smile and just good to others… But I am dying inside n I can’t speak to anyone. I try and I can’t. Depression has ruined my life and now I hide behind my phone desperately looking for answers. Two days ago, I layed out bunch of pills and came close to taking them all now am afraid the next time i will. I have suffered form this but a recent act triggered it. I am seeing a girl for two and half years, she has 3 kids and I have 2 but we don’t live together. He daughter has a disability and her father lives out of state. Last year, she visited him for Chirstmas and during that time she was unfaithful. I love her and decided to keep working on our relationship but since them my depression and mistrust spiral. She is up there again because the kids mother is dying of cancer but they are staying at his house. The mistrust is killing me and don’t know if to be understanding or to let her go. She is all I have, she is the only person I talk to, my only friend and I just feel without her am lost. I have been so depressed and just cannot change it…help

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