- This topic has 13 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 2 months ago by Anonymous.
November 20, 2015 at 3:37 pm #87995Doreen DawsonParticipant
I have noticed within the past year and a half I have been changing, but not in a good way. Everyone around me has seen it as well.
I am becoming more moody, get upset easier, have crying spells, insomnia, constant worrying, negative thinking. I no longer have a desire to deal with people I withdraw from everyone, family and my fiance, socially and in conversation. My work has been impacted as well where I can’t concentrate and focus. I have no drive or interest in my hobbies anymore. I’m sure these are all symptoms of depression. But I have no idea how it came to be a part of my life. It just creeped up on me and now I feel helpless and stuck. It’s draining and leaving me without purpose on a daily basis. I just want to be myself again and no longer feel bound to feel this way.
Has any one experienced this? Is this normal at age 31? How do I \ overcome and naturally face this?
I appreciate any advice and guidance.November 20, 2015 at 4:35 pm #87996jockParticipant
I no longer have a desire to deal with people
Now, THAT, I can relate to.
I haven’t experienced major clinical depression but I can understand the essence of what you say. To be honest though I didn’t experience it at your age. I’m 57 and have experienced it recently. Lack of motivation. What’s the point! Same old, same old..kind of feelings.
Like I need to refresh. Look at life with new eyes. Get back the awe and wonder of a child. Too much cynicism.
Well, hopefully you can snap out of it soon. Don’t be impatient might be my advice.November 20, 2015 at 6:22 pm #88005AnonymousGuest
Dear Doreen Dawson:
Here are possibilities for your depression and I am not relying on any information, I have none. All I am doing is guessing, wild guessing, letting my imagination take me where it will. You can let me know if anything at all clicks with a sense of … this could be it!
1) You don’t love your fiance anymore but too afraid to admit it to yourself.
2) A family member who made you feel guilty before has increased her pressure on you, making you feel guilty but you are not aware of it.
3) You hate your job and see no way out.
4) You are afraid of having children and preparing to get married you are afraid of having children but… not wanting to think about it.
5) You always wanted to travel and getting married means you will never do what you dreamed of doing.
6) Something was supposed to happen to you by this time in your life and it didn’t.
7) Something is not right, something about your life circumstances is not right. There is something you need to do but you don’t want to do it.
anitaNovember 27, 2015 at 6:22 am #88403Nerdy CreatorParticipant
Hey Doreen, I understand how you feel. I recently had depression too because I was jobless. I thought I was fine, just find another job. But in the night, I would cry uncontrollably. It’s pretty scary. I didn’t want to get up in the morning. All my passion is gone. I didn’t even have the motivation to find a job. The thing I need to do the most!
But lucky for me, I had been learning a lot about self improvement over the last six years after I had depression. I managed to overcome it and able to talk to my brother about it.
I documented what I do in my blog: http://www.nerdycreator.com/blog/feeling-depressed/
Hope it will help you too.
Nerdy CreatorNovember 28, 2015 at 9:25 am #88471JimParticipant
Hi Doreen. I can definitely relate. We can have negative emotions and low self esteem which can make us feel down much of the time but that is different from biochemical depression. I developed clinical depression and generalized anxiety disorder after the death of my mother 15 years ago. We have a genetic predisposition and when a traumatic or stressful event happens, it can trigger the depression. Did you have a traumatic event or are you under chronic stress? It can strike at any age. The treatment involves getting your serotonin levels back up. The 2 most effective natural ways to raise your serotonin levels are: 1) Get lots of morning sunlight. If you live in a cloudy climate, an indoor light machine will help. 2) Get daily aerobic exercise. It should be moderate to intense for at least 30 minutes.
These two methods might be all you need for mild depression. A more serious case might require the help of medication. My depression and anxiety are both severe and I’ve needed the help of an antidepressant for the past 10 years.
I hope this helps and best of luck.November 28, 2015 at 3:45 pm #88484KellyParticipant
I’m the same way. I been more depressed the past few months too lately. No idea what’s wrong. I get crying spells, I’m over sensitive, I feel more agitated at things, etc. I guess being distracted by fun stuff helps. :/ It’s a pain because it just won’t go away. So frustrating ;;November 28, 2015 at 5:53 pm #88486AnonymousGuest
Kelly, would you like to share more about your depression in the last few months? What changed in your life a few months ago??
anitaNovember 28, 2015 at 6:49 pm #88492Michael2Participant
I also quietly suffer from depression. I say quietly because not many plp know. Some know it comes and goes but they see me as a man who helps everyone, big smile and just good to others… But I am dying inside n I can’t speak to anyone. I try and I can’t. Depression has ruined my life and now I hide behind my phone desperately looking for answers. Two days ago, I layed out bunch of pills and came close to taking them all now am afraid the next time i will. I have suffered form this but a recent act triggered it. I am seeing a girl for two and half years, she has 3 kids and I have 2 but we don’t live together. He daughter has a disability and her father lives out of state. Last year, she visited him for Chirstmas and during that time she was unfaithful. I love her and decided to keep working on our relationship but since them my depression and mistrust spiral. She is up there again because the kids mother is dying of cancer but they are staying at his house. The mistrust is killing me and don’t know if to be understanding or to let her go. She is all I have, she is the only person I talk to, my only friend and I just feel without her am lost. I have been so depressed and just cannot change it…helpNovember 28, 2015 at 7:02 pm #88493AnonymousGuest
You are a father of two, this got my attention first. Living with their mother, not with you? How often do you see them? How involved are you with them?
Are you working? How is that going, employment? Unemployment?
How old are you?
Why is your girlfriend all you have? Don’t you have your children? Anyone else at all? Friends? Family members?
anitaNovember 28, 2015 at 7:28 pm #88495AnonymousGuest
Michael2: Please, do not suffer quietly. If you “talk” to me here, I will listen and respond thoughtfully. I asked the questions above because I need to know a bit more about who I am talking to, basic details…?
anitaNovember 28, 2015 at 10:14 pm #88498Michael2Participant
Hey Anita, thank you so much for responding. I didn’t think anyone would respond. I have two beautiful kids. I am 36 And I am very involved with my children and love them dearly. I used to have a thriving career in finance, I went to school got an MBA and and worked hard to provide. I lost my job shortly after the recession hit and in the town I am in there no opportunities close to what I used to do. I took a job as consultant for local Christian University and the position was just terminated; its a struggle to find anything, so I been mowing yard, doing computer work, anything I can to take care of my kids.
I have family nearby, but they are not welcoming or understanding of this; they are very judgemental and emotially disconnected. I don’t have any friends, I know tons of plp but no one is a friend. Many plp in town know me but they really don’t know me, they just know and friendly, fun and good guy but no true friends, therefore, i dont have anyone to vent to.
The girl I reference just got me. She understood my pain and understood that I loved my kids and do anything for them. She knew me for who i was, so when this happened she killed whatever bit of trust I had. I feel betrayed but overall, I feel disposable, worthless, snd lacking importance. I truly loved n feel stupid if of it. But I guess, it not just that, it combination of events, n I just can’t get it right. I can’t see straigt anymore. My thought are non stop and I can almost feel it in my brain I cannot make it stop. I want to make my thought disappear n I cry, scream but is there.November 29, 2015 at 5:00 am #88500AnonymousGuest
As the social being that you are, (humans are social animals), you NEED someone out there, other than you kids, another adult to interact with in an intimate way, express your true thoughts and feelings and have the other person listen to you, “get you”, mirror to you that your feelings are valid, understandable. It is a real, biological need. It is in our genes as humans, a product of millions of years of evolution.
Your only such person was that woman and she betrayed your trust, cheated on you with another man- the devastation is immense! She was the only one. Superficial contacts with others may be nice but we need so much more, always have. Without that one person, you are lost. The job situation is an ingredient in your state of mind, but nothing in comparison to losing the only close adult relationship you had.
You know the riddle of when a tree falls in the forest and there is no one to hear it fall, does it make a sound? You are like that tree. If no one hears you, do you exist? This is how strong the SOCIAL part of us is. We NEED someone to hear us, to see us, to notice us, to CARE, so to exist.
When no one, no adult seems to care, existing loses its appeal, doesn’t it?
And there is the issue of you OWING it to your kids to stay alive and get well. Since you have a good enough relationship with them, since you are a positive force in their lives (?)- you don’t want to devastate them by eliminating their father…Committing suicide will be a crime against them.
What to do?
Here I am, a stranger, can’t see me, but I am a person who “sees” you, even now, after only reading two posts from you, I know you more than all the people in your town, don’t I? I post here a LOT. I am reliable, I come back here again and again, and whenever I posted to anyone that I will respond- I did. I kept my word and will continue to keep my word.
You can write to me, tell me anything. I will listen to you, read your posts attentively and thoroughly and I will respond. For as long as you are honest and straightforward in your posts, I will respond.
The woman who who you no longer trust, understandably, may be therefore on the way out of your life. You may be already grieving her before it is officially over. The hurt was done, past tense. The hurt she caused you by what she did, that hurt is intense in you- I “see” it. I feel it.
I just felt an excitement about how different things COULD be for you in a few months, in a year that all this will look like a dark time that has passed and is gone. Can you imagine it?
It may be that you will leave the town you are in and move elsewhere (not good for your kids, but better than not having a living dad!) It may be that you will end the injured relationship with this woman and get involved with a decent woman who is trustworthy. Maybe somewhere else.
For now, need to ACCEPT life as is right now. Not resist what is, all the circumstances of your life. Relax into what your life has become, and is. I am sure your hopes were different but it has come to this, to what your life is right now (the good, the bad and the ugly). Imagine that you are a qualified business manager with a clear head, someone very intelligent, wise, clear headed who is transformed into your body and your life AS IS.
What does that qualified, skillful, wise manager do? First relax into your life, see it as is, review it. Accept it. It is better than some, not as good as others’. It is what it is. This way, your thoughts are no longer non stop. You stop panicking. You breathe calmly. You say: okay, this is my life. I am okay with it being this way for now.
Then, from that relaxed, accepting mind set, you make choices to change.
Human contact, here, with me, perhaps with someone else who may post here. Or in a new post that you will start… in any case I will answer whenever I turn on the computer which is every day (unless it dies or the forum dies etc,)
Hope you post again… and again.
anitaDecember 16, 2015 at 11:45 am #89795PrincessParticipant
Anita, these words were helpful to me today. Thank you for all that you giveDecember 16, 2015 at 12:23 pm #89797AnonymousGuest
Putting the hours marketing yourself today, Giovanni? yes you do. I do hope you have the insight and skill it takes to really help people. I sure do hope so.