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Kelly

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  • #92019
    Kelly
    Participant

    Hey I’m still here. Thanks for the support guys. Had a funeral a week ago so that was hard. :/ I guess time will heal all wounds hopefully. I have been feeling depressed and down and just wanting to sleep more and appetite is still off. I get hungry yeah but part of me doesn’t feel like eating much yet. I hope to see a therapist soon and go back on over the counter meds since herbal 5htp didn’t do anything for me.

    #90758
    Kelly
    Participant

    Besides you and Jack, no one else seems to help or support me on here.

    #90729
    Kelly
    Participant

    Yeah I am. Though hard with me being poor 🙁

    Vision and hearing, though I do have depression/anxiety of course, scoliosis (Where the spine curves so it causes pain mostly when bending for me or sitting a certain way, standing too long for hours h urts it too).

    #90683
    Kelly
    Participant

    I live with my dad but my parents are divorced so my mom is in PA Thank god. My sister is in jail for drunk driving and killing a husband/father of 3. Course no one seems to be mad or know she killed someone and feels bad she’s in jail.

    My dad and I get along fine for the most part.

    Just feel stuck in life and past hurts still bother me as they never been resolved. Plus I don’t have friends, I am lonely, etc. I feel I have nothing going.

    I live on disability too and so it’s harder for me to find jobs, and course hard to live on your own tehse days but I am okay with my dad, just things from the past and worrying about the future, and how I feel right now is just making me more miserable.

    #90587
    Kelly
    Participant

    I tried but failed. Even with friends, nothing worked. I try to be good person but I just get crap thrown in my face :/

    #90584
    Kelly
    Participant

    She was a wonderful caring person. Always made me feel loved and cared about. Was welcoming me and did things with me. She made me feel part of the family.

    Now she’s gone.

    Honestly it makes me feel worst about my life. I have no friends, I’m lonely, I feel hopeless, I just don’t feel I have a future. I am not saying it’s because of her death, I have been feeling like this for months. This just made me feel worst.

    #89257
    Kelly
    Participant

    I am so bad at New Years resolutions, I will always be like, I want to drink wine only on holidays or while eating out (which is rare), and not just buy it at a drug store or grocery store or whatever, exercise more, yoga more, meditate more, etc but I never can keep up. I have no idea why. Maybe it’s just not part of the daily routine so well and doing not much is just a habit. I do hate that i don’t do those things more. (I haven’t had alcohol in 12 days-being really poor helps me not even buy it).

    Good luck quitting smoking! I wish I can drink a bit less because it probably is making my depression worst (I’m not an alcoholic but I could drink less and not a few glasses each week or every other). I do get paranoid sometimes like, what if I stop for a few weeks, how will my body react? Thankfully nothing happened when I do take a break. Alcoholism does run in the family. My sister has it (and is in jail right now because she murdered a husband/dad of 2 little boys while driving drunk). My one cousin had maybe still has it-he escaped to Australia to get away from everyone, and my uncle used to have it.

    I guess yoga and meditation would help when I get moments of bad stress right? I wonder what is the minimal amount to start with for practicing yoga and meditation on a daily basis? (I’m 331, but I mostly want to do Yoga for my low back/hips. Yay scoliosis! ;;) I am at a healthy weight but could be more fit.

    • This reply was modified 7 years ago by Kelly.
    • This reply was modified 7 years ago by Kelly.
    #88562
    Kelly
    Participant

    @anita I would love to know where and how to start to try to get rid of past hurts and maybe not let future hurts get me all depressed and thinking about other bad times, if that’s even possible?

    #88522
    Kelly
    Participant

    Yeah. Just not sure to stop blaming myself, getting rid of the block and setting my emotions free so I can hopefully heal. Ah okay so bullies don’t see when they are hurting others sometimes? D: Eh I don’t understand them really. The bullies like on dA will keep going at it over and over and over, even after you blocked them, etc. Guess they don’t get it :/ I will admit I love my mom and dad sometimes, and my grandma but the things they said/done still bothers me sometimes especially if IF obsess over it too much? Maybe it means I am not over what happened or it’s my inner demons just wanting to get at me. I am more assertive but I feel like even then sometimes people don’t listen. My mom is one of those people that likes to take everything said the wrong way and there’s been periods when I don’t contact. I live with my dad and see my grandma often maybe once a month or so or less. My mom lives hours away thankfully. She and my sister honestly drove me to wanting to end my life many times to be honest.

    Thanks for the advice too Humour. Interesting bit about the trusting bit and stuff. I guess I don’t trust myself, I don’t know, plus I don’t know why I tend to believe what nasty people say about me. No idea why it just happens :/ I have a hard time of ignoring it or whatever. I guess I just want people to believe my truth or not judge me so harshly like if I block trolls or bullies. It makes me think I’m the bad person because the way they talk to me makes me think I’m the bad one not them.

    #88515
    Kelly
    Participant

    Yeah, and bullied by peers and random strangers. It makes me angry that they get away with it. What’s annoying, is especially on deviantart, people still whine and everything because I blocked them. Oh my god, really? They also get all angry and whine about being blocked. I don’t do that. But hey I RARELY got blocked because I am nice. I know how it feels to be bullied, I know how it feels to really hate yourself and just want to end it all, I know how it feels to be depressed and anxious. Does karma/what goes around comes around even exist? It sure doesn’t feel like it. I will admit, I want to get back at them or at least karma will get at them.

    I do feel like everything is always my fault, I am the blame all the time, etc. Because no one takes the blame for themselves or say sorry, etc.

    What’s sad not only teens are on there or preteens even though they’re not supposed to be, but there are like people in their early 20s that are flat out jerks, even mid to late 20s! That’s horrible! I don’t get this really -_-

    #88504
    Kelly
    Participant

    @Inky-Deviantart you can block but you can still see their comments and everything. You can’t hide them. Reporting them doesn’t do anything. The mods just say “LOL JUST BLOCK AND IGNORE LOL!” Not only the mods don’t care, they’re just lazy and that’s a lazy response to say to someone that suffer cyber bullying. I’m sorry but if I was a mod, I’d ban all those that cyber bully and make it harder if possible to come back. There’s no excuse.


    @Anita
    I been bullied by mom and sister but they don’t see it like that, makes excuses, never say sorry (even if they do, they just end up screwing me over again), plus it makes me angry and hurt that no one ever stands up for me. Plus my mom is a horrible person to talk to about depression, or bullied “Just ignore them”. That’s not easy. It still hurts like hell, and she doesn’t get that. Plus my dad claims he understands but he doesn’t. He is one of those people that say “Let it go” “get over it”. That doesn’t help. What I want is action to be taken on these bullies. But hey that won’t happen.

    I think I been on the site for so long it’s just a habit even though I mostly hate it but I liked sharing art with nice people if there are any. I made some online friends but none of the friendships stuck or anything. I just don’t know where else to go :/ I guess I should just stay out of the forums, pure hell in the forums.

    I been bullied since child hood. I had friends but they always turned on me or they’d pick other friends over me. That made me feel like I’m ugly or not good enough. Same with friends going through school years. Had group of friends, make petty reasons to piss me off, or end things, etc. I always been told like I said “To ignore it” I told teachers and they got bullies to back off but the hurt and anger is still there. Online friends? Sure I had them, but didn’t stick around so I feel it’s all my fault, I was nice and everything. Roommates hurt me after I moved out. I never get to keep friends, family never stands up for me. Like I will tell my grandma some things for example, “This guy wanted follow me into my bedroom to make me “comfortable” I took that as he just wanted to rape me. Trust me, I had bad vibes on this loser. My grandma DEFENDED HIM! THAT pissed me off so I don’t even bother telling her anything anymore, but hey she acts like everyone in the world is nice and I’m always the one in the wrong. I have trouble loving people too and trusting them once they hurt me. I just go with the flow like nothing happens. I hold grudges. Even if the person doesn’t know it. I agree all the hurt from the past keeps building up and this is where I am now, angry, cynical, unhappy, scared, hopeless, helpless, etc. My mom and sister even threatened me a few times but everyone defended my sister and mom. It’s like no one listens to me being hurt or cares.

    #88484
    Kelly
    Participant

    I’m the same way. I been more depressed the past few months too lately. No idea what’s wrong. I get crying spells, I’m over sensitive, I feel more agitated at things, etc. I guess being distracted by fun stuff helps. :/ It’s a pain because it just won’t go away. So frustrating ;;

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 12 total)