Forum Replies Created
May 16, 2023 at 11:16 am #418803
<p style=”text-align: left;”>Thank you Roberta.</p>
Tee: Nepotism as in, I didn’t earn it. I thought I did, but he told me he offered me the job as a favor to me. There were also more qualified applicants which did not get the job because he meant to give me the job anyway.August 12, 2021 at 12:29 pm #384600
Thank you anita, TeaK, and Peter, for having a chat with me. There is certainly more I have to learn to manage, but it’s been very insightful to talk about things. It’s help me gain another layer of understanding about myself. I hope I will start becoming the person I want to be. Thanks again!
And to anita, I remember you very well. I actually posted in the Relationships forum about 3 years ago and you were also around to help tide me through a really difficult time. I didn’t post using the same account because I lost my login credentials for that user handle, but I just want you to know you were of so much help to me. Thank you!August 12, 2021 at 9:47 am #384589
That is a very nice passage indeed. It certainly seems that people who are entrenched in their views will not budge, much like me who is convinced that the vaccination is a positive thing, it seems like people who are convinced of the other side of the argument will also not budge. Maybe it means.. to let go of the notions or desire to enact change on those who will not change, and to instead focus on changing those who are not entrenched in their views and those who may be unsure of their views? I can certainly see how this is a much better use of my time than attacking people online.
For now.. I think I simply have to avoid the triggering events and avoid forums where people may push anti-vax views. It is difficult but I will try. Some of these views are toxic and also plastered all over the Web, so maybe I just need to learn how to calm myself down.August 12, 2021 at 8:38 am #384584
With regards to vaccination status, I am pro-vaccination. But there have recently been an influx of anti-vaxxers going around convincing the elderly folks not to get vaccinated.
With regards to my views on race, I am afraid of specifying too much as I would not want people to know where I am from. I live in a country with many different races. In recent years, people have begun to co-opt a term from the western world which I will call [race]-privilege. I am of the opinion that while there is racism here (and everywhere), it is not a systemic or structural issues. Laws have not been written to disadvantage certain races. However, people have recently taken it upon themselves to attack people of the supposedly privileged race, which is triggering and upsetting for me. I notice that these issues do not surface in my day-to-day interactions, but is disproportionately magnified online in specific forums.August 12, 2021 at 7:41 am #384577
It does feel like somewhat of an addiction now, if I am to be completely honest. I’ve deactivated the accounts in which I am able to behave in that way, so I hope it sticks this time. Because you mention it as being addiction, I started looking at possible triggers of these behavior. I think due to the pandemic I have been frequenting a lot of forums where other people’s views are not aligned with mine, especially with regards to race issues and vaccination status. It’s become such a trigger that I think I have been treating these online commentators as sub-humans in extreme cases. It’s also easy to do so because I cannot see the human aspects of them since we are all anonymous.
I am not sure if I lack empathy, or if the empathy deficit is specific to people who I regard as having views not aligned with my own. Close friends have previously mentioned to me that they found it puzzling that I am able to be extremely nice to friends but extremely mean to people I don’t care about.
As for loneliness, I think that may apply less since I am keeping a small and tight circle of friends on purpose as I have previously felt like behaving badly towards people I do not care about. But the other two seems to be more applicable. I’m particularly worried about sadism, and am worried that I have a personality disorder.August 12, 2021 at 3:04 am #384570
To TeaK: It’s possible, since this behavior actually started pretty young. I’m 32 now, and the earliest instance I can remember of “trolling” people online seemed to begin when I was 15 years old. I wasn’t really bullied though, and I don’t remember any specific instances of losing arguments that were significant. But the childhood angle is probably worth thinking about.
To anita: I don’t think my anger gets relieved when I argue with people online. I think it’s magnified instead, so I get even more upset and angry if I continue doing this for a long time. Which is why it’s so puzzling. I only started realizing the harm this kind of behavior is doing to my emotional health, and I try to wean myself off of it and be nice on the internet. But before long, some triggering post on the internet brings me back to that state and I begin trying to mentally torture people online again.
To Peter: That is an interesting experiment. I think I may simply need to delete accounts where I can possibly reply to people anonymously and consciously choose not to engage with people in that manner. I think my experience is quite similar to yours. It’s a great question to ask: “Why do I need to change others?” I don’t.
Thank you everyone for responding to me.