Dear Anita,

You wrote:

“Maybe it’s time to stop trying to fix yourself. Maybe you are fine as you are…

…I say to myself: it is okay. I am anxious. It’s okay to feel this. What I otherwise did my whole life is feel anxious about feeling anxious and so I got double anxious and then triple anxious…

…I had OCD for decades…”

Me, too. OCD things since I was a kid. It’s better now, but obviously not gone. Also, anxious about being anxious, and worrying about fixing it.

You’re right about how I should stop trying to fix myself. Or if I do need to fix some things, I’m realizing that it needs to be a more gentle change, one that doesn’t increase my anxiety. All of the things I tried have always failed anyway, so I’m really trying to find a new way.

Actually, thinking about trying to STOP fixing myself seems to promote anxiety, too, because I think, “What, I’m supposed to be like THIS?!” Ha ha. I mean, when you feel like a mess, the idea of accepting it is frightening, but I guess it’s also liberating, in a way.

Wow, this stuff seems complicated to my confused mind, but I know that if I can wrap my head around it, it will really make my life more SIMPLE, like I want it to be.

I do think I understand what you are saying, and I will try to work on following your suggestions.

Thank you,

Christine

Obviously, I’m the type of person who gets easily overwhelmed, which is why it takes me so long to respond to things. I will try now, though, to respond a bit to what people have suggested.

First of all, thank you to everyone for taking the time to respond to my problem. I really do appreciate it. I know that everyone nowadays is so busy, so it takes special people to care about others and try to help. Really, I mean that. It’s amazing the caring and support that is on this message board, and the people who help in such a loving way should feel good about that, for sure.

Inky, it’s funny that you mentioned the Flylady site and said “don’t get overwhelmed,” because that’s exactly how I’ve felt the few times that I tried to go to that site through the years. I haven’t checked it out recently. Maybe it’s better now. It’s been a while since I’ve looked at it. I do tend to get overwhelmed so easily. Yesterday I went through one box and it was almost all notes I wrote, and it took me all afternoon and made me feel so much worse. It’s really hard. I actually thought when I started that I would feel better having accomplished it, but it made me more aware of my craziness, so I felt worse. Still, I know it must be done. Maybe I will do it in smaller doses, so it’s not so intense.

Marliv, you’re right about how your mind can understand the logic of inspiring quotes, but it’s hard to get in line with the thinking. I have printed quotes up all over the house. On my better days, they help me, but other times I just can’t see straight and they mean nothing. I do agree that I need to work on meditation, visualization, some prayer, etc. You are also right about toxic people, gradual change, doing things with joy, and more. Thank you.

Gary, thank you for your advice, too. I only had a minute to glance at your litany page (will look at it more later). It’s deeper and worded in a fancier way than the things I wrote for myself the other day, but I do think that your mention earlier of having a “litany” must be what inspired me the other morning. I wrote some positive ways that I want to look at things, and I’m going to type and print them and put them on a clipboard to read every day. I do know that when I was writing them, I was really feeling better, because they applied so directly to me (of course, having come from my brain) and they seem to be the better part of my thinking (when I’m thinking in the “right” way). Thank you so much for the inspiration!

Thank you everyone for all of this advice. I will save, read, and re-read things later, to keep myself thinking of where I want to go and how I want to be.

Dear Anita,

I’m sorry for taking so long to respond. I’ve been trying to get back here every day, but keep running out of time and energy.

Thank you so much for your caring and understanding about my guilt regarding my sister’s death. I’m crying right now thinking about it all. You’re right that my sister probably did understand about my reaction to her dying. She was very kind and wise and would’ve surely understood, even throughout her medicated haze. She knew we all loved her so much and were freaked out about what was going on.

Like you, I had a lot of issues during my childhood. I guess some of us spend a lifetime recovering from some of that stuff.

I really can relate to what you said about exhaustion, a foggy brain, and also feeling ashamed. For me, ashamed about being depressed, anxious, and all of my other problems. Luckily, my mother is now understanding and kind (not so much when I was a child – she was a mess herself) and I’ve been blessed to have a really great husband for 30 years. Both of these people, plus my best friend, love me despite my many flaws. It’s of course me who is hard on me now.

I keep wanting to change, to “fix” myself, and I end up even more confused and anxious and overwhelmed by just wanting to be a better version of myself. I do try to acknowledge the good things about myself and love myself, but I do tend to obsess about all of my worries, my problems, my flaws, our health, etc. It is so draining, wanting to fix energy, health, sleep, and other issues and trying to figure out how to do it.

Wow, I feel like I’ve gotten way off topic, but it’s helping me to get more of an overall perspective on things.

Thank you, Anita, for all of your help and advice.

Christine

p.s.

There are also so many other things that feel so hard for me. It feels like daily life is a struggle all the time, even when no major or new problems are happening (though, trust me, we’ve had many of those in recent years, including losing several loved ones (one being my sister) and my husband having open heart surgery).

I have trouble handling personal email (just mainly two people who I love and care about, but on rare occasions some other people), clearing off the DVR, organizing myself, getting rid of so, so much clutter, etc. It all takes so much energy and sometimes I want to run away to a cave somewhere (with my husband and our cat). Not really, it would be too creepy, but you know what I mean. Life feels hard, but I feel like I’m making it harder than it needs to be.

I feel like I’m missing some important skill, some way to handle life.

I know I sound like a disaster. Sometimes I’m better than this, but not too often.

Any ideas or help?

Christine

p.s. to Anita:

Thank you also for taking the extra time involved to go and read my other posts on the other thread. That was so nice of you to take that time to understand more fully. I really appreciate it.

Christine