Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→How do I get calm and think less while maintaining my creativity?
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May 4, 2016 at 12:12 am #103544MimiParticipant
I have a very hyper mind. I like it when it’s giving me ideas for books, quotes, and blogging, but I’d like to cut down on the overthinking that I do all day. My husband says that my mind is like the lottery balls bouncing around in the ball (or whatever it is, we don’t watch it). His way, he told me recently, is to not let thoughts even form in his mind, most of the time.
I want to be more like him (calm, Zen, meditative, quiet), but I’m afraid of being low on ideas like he is. I’m the one who continues to have many ideas and write many notes for books I’m working on or want to work on, or even that my husband might work on if he chooses one of them. I’m afraid that if I calm my crazy mind, the creativity will disappear and we will have nothing to work with.
I’ve thought of, but not fully given a try to – yoga, meditation, exercise, and other things to calm me. Deep breathing is a good one, but my mind is still full of ping pong balls bouncing around at a furious pace all day. Sometimes I really like it, like when I wrote a whole children’s book in two hours (my husband says it’s good) and came up with another very good book idea only two days later (not a children’s book), but I do also know that this hyper and intense brain activity is wearing me out and stressing me out and sometimes making me feel crazy.
The problem isn’t when the good ideas come, but when my mind is just bouncing around with dumb thoughts, like about the news we are watching, all of my problems, and things like that.
Does anyone have any good tips for calming one’s mind while still keeping your creative inspiration going? If I use things like meditation will I get so calm that my creativity dries up? From my meditation training many years ago, they talked about pushing aside thoughts when they come, but many of mine are really good and I need to write them down. I won’t stop doing that, when I feel that an idea comes to me that matters.
I just want to know if it’s possible to get calm and still function as I need to for my work projects. Also, any suggestions for the best way to get a calmer mind, that knows how to sort the good, creative thinking from the time wasting stuff?
I was reading (and writing a bit) on another thread, but it ended up going way over my head. It was this one:
How can a person stay centered and return to neutral at will?
I guess I’m just a simpler, more basic person, who needs simpler answers. Any help would be really appreciated.
Christine
May 4, 2016 at 6:49 am #103549AnonymousGuestDear Christine:
I read your new post as well as your two posts on the other thread. This is my input (developed as I type):
First, the core problem is anxiety (ongoing, circulating-in-the-brain fear). Your thinking brain is trying to resolve this pre-existing fear, looking for the problem so it can logically resolve that problem and as a consequence the fear will be resolved. So the thinking brain scans for a problem that needs resolution: something in the news to think about? A family member’s health in trouble? An idea for a new book that may be forgotten if you don’t attend to it right now? Etc.
The overthinking, aiming at resolving the over fearing (anxiety) is causing you fatigue and really, is not helping. But what about the great children’s book you wrote in two days..? Well, you can do that without paying the high price of over thinking.
It is about that anxiety- that is what needs to be calmed. I found two strategies helpful with dealing with this problem myself:
1) Insight into the origin of this anxiety: when did it start (most often in childhood).
2. Skills: emotional regulation, from meditation, mindfulness, healthy or neutral distractions, enduring distress, removing your focus from being identified with the anxiety to observing it from a distance (!)Thoughts about my input so far?
anita
May 4, 2016 at 5:15 pm #103575MimiParticipantAnita,
Thank you so much for all of your thoughts and ideas about my problem. It’s funny, I was just giving advice to someone on another thread and I feel like I’m wise (sometimes) when helping others, but not so wise when trying to help myself. I guess it’s because I’m too often trying to distract myself and not think about my anxiety and problems. Therefore, I never really work on them or fix them fully.
I like your ideas –
1 – looking at the anxiety to understand it
and
2 – skills for reducing it
I like that idea about observing the anxiety from outside of it. It’s similar to what I said to a therapist friend of mine who has a lot of troubles – I said – what would you tell a client if she was in your situation and feeling all of the stress, guilt, obligation, etc.? She said it helped her to see more clearly what she was doing to herself. I think that is similar to what you were suggesting. Sort of act as if I’m someone else giving advice to myself or else just looking at the anxiety as a separate entity. Maybe I’m interpreting it differently than how you meant it, but it still works for me either way.
Also, when you say neutral or healthy distractions, I suppose that could be like exercise, drawing, working on my writing, etc. You’re right, I tend to not devote enough time to the good things. I get through necessary chores and not much more. I have to make time for the things that either calm me (exercise, meditation) or give me a positive focus (drawing, writing).
I will print out what you wrote, so I can think about and understand it more. For some reason I often can think more clearly when reading things on paper. Wasteful, I know, but necessary for me sometimes.
Thank you so much, Anita, for your advice about this.
Christine
May 4, 2016 at 5:21 pm #103576MimiParticipantp.s. to Anita:
Thank you also for taking the extra time involved to go and read my other posts on the other thread. That was so nice of you to take that time to understand more fully. I really appreciate it.
Christine
May 4, 2016 at 7:21 pm #103584AnonymousGuestDear Christine:
You are very welcome. And thank you for your kind replies.
About observing the anxiety: when I was trying (again) to get off 17 years of an anti anxiety psychiatric drug, clonazepam, my anxiety increased as a result of withdrawal. Two days after I no longer took the potent, addictive clonazepam (following the most gradual decrease possible), my anxiety skyrocketed and I was panicking. That evening, I remembered the instructions of a therapist. He said something like this: look at your big toe (I guess I was wearing sandals), your big toe is your anxiety. It is part of you. See your anxiety that way.
Back tot that evening, I did just that. It was Oct 2013 and I did not take clonazepam or any psychiatric drug since.
This is not just a trick, it is a principle in Buddhism as it is incorporated into modern, Western psychotherapy and it is scientific.
When you become aware that you are anxious, not ALL of you have to be anxious. You can observe the part of you that is anxious. At that moment, you are not one with anxiety. This is key.
In fact I was anxious today and forgot to do what I suggested for you to do (!) but I just did as a result of writing to you, so9 thank you! And if I am of any help to you, please add to this thread anytime and I will reply every time.
anita
May 4, 2016 at 7:33 pm #103588AnonymousGuest* edit 2nd paragraph (on toe and anxiety): “It (anxiety) is part of you but it is not all of you. (just as my big toe is part of me but not all of me. With part of me that is not toe, I can observe the toe.
With part of my brain that is not anxious, I can observe the part of my brain that is anxious.
anitaMay 6, 2016 at 5:14 pm #103798MimiParticipantAnita, thank you for all of the suggestions. The big toe thing is interesting. I will try that when I feel particularly anxious and see if I can learn it.
I wish I knew some of these things while my sister was still alive. She suffered from anxiety worse than mine. Hers often went into the extreme panic type, which I’m very grateful to not have. Of course, losing my sister and several other important people, and other things we’ve gone through lately, certainly are contributing to all of my anxiety. I’m trying to focus on the positive, while missing everyone and worrying about other things. I know, everyone has problems. I just feel very weak sometimes.
It’s interesting that you mentioned the anti-anxiety medication, because I’m currently very, very slowly tapering off of Xanax. I didn’t know how harmful it could be, to me at least, until I kept having daily withdrawals during the time period each day when it left my body (I was taking it before my two daily sleeping times). I kept feeling really nuts at about the same time each day, did some research online (mostly message boards), and then found out how I needed to very carefully spread it out and then cut down very slowly in order to not feel so crazy. I’m glad to know that you’ve been able to use that separation/toe technique to help with anxiety, in a drug-free way. That’s so good!
Thank you again for all of your help!
Christine
May 6, 2016 at 8:01 pm #103826AnonymousGuestDear Christine:
What happened to your sister…???
About being on xanax, that means your mind has been hyper on xanax? It is supposed to calm the brain, right? Maybe it is like the clonazepam (klonipin) I used, at first it calmed me, then it lost the affect and I kept taking it just so to not withdraw. Is it like that for you?
I am sorry to read you lost your sister. I just found out today through email that my sister will have an operation to remove pre cancerous cells and it worries me some. She too has panic attacks while I have had “only” anxiety my whole life.
anita
May 13, 2016 at 6:15 pm #104479MimiParticipantDear Anita,
I’m sorry that you are worrying about your sister right now, and also that she has panic and anxiety, too. It’s hard to deal with that kind of anxiety and keep it in control. I’m glad, though, that her things are only pre-cancerous. It’s a good chance for her to try to keep healthier.
Thank you for your sympathy regarding my sister. She passed away at only 43 and left behind a young son (5 at the time, 8 now). First she had serious Lyme disease for years (still had it when she passed), then got a type of cancer that she suspected but they couldn’t detect until it was too late (it was in thin layers so they couldn’t see it on scans until it spread and got worse – very weird). She did have skin cancer things removed in previous years (actual cancer, not pre-cancerous), so maybe that led to the other cancers (neck, liver, and ??). Sorry, I know this is depressing, but you asked about it, so I’m answering.
It’s scary and hard, for all of us who have anxiety, to deal with anything like this. My sister was doubted by so many (not me, but others close to her) when she knew something was wrong with herself. That’s why anxiety is tough sometimes, because you say ‘is it real, or is it my anxiety?’ I know that many people with anxiety can relate to that. I think the only solution is being really in tune with your body and your mind, to see if it can tell you the truth sometimes. It’s hard to know the difference. Even my sister didn’t know for sure, because of her anxiety and her Lyme pains and things interfering with her knowing for sure.
I don’t know if I’m making sense. I’m always so tired. I didn’t even handle it well when my sister was dying, and was so scared and that made me act too distant (even when I was there with her). So, of course I have guilt about that, too.
Oh, the Xanax thing was like, I was taking it two times a day for my sleep (have to split up my sleep because of health problems that won’t let me sleep well) and during that other part of the day when the Xanax would leave my system, that’s when I would feel super-anxious. Then I read about how it leaves your body after 12 hours, so if you don’t keep the doses steady (now I keep them about 8 hours apart), you have a big drop in GABA and feel very anxious, so that’s what was happening to me. I also read about how slowly your body re-learns to make your own GABA, so you have to cut down so, so slowly, which is what I’m doing, but I can still get a bit “off” sometimes. I guess it’s just my usual anxiety coming out.
Sorry for the overly-long explanation to your questions, but I’m not good at editing.
Christine
May 13, 2016 at 8:10 pm #104485AnonymousGuestDear Christine:
Thank you for replying. No need to apologize for answering my question about your sister. And I understand your guilt about .. protecting yourself from the fear of losing her by withdrawing. Suffering from anxiety herself, if she was aware of your withdrawal at all, she might have understood. I am sad that she suffered so much, anxiety way before she got Lyme Disease and then cancer.
And you are suffering too, and that makes me sad too. I used to have no empathy for myself, but this very afternoon, I felt sad for my suffering as well when I was a child. I am finally figuring out that it was really me, then. Like you withdrew to protect myself, I too withdrew, dissociated. It has been a long process to reconnect, re-integrate, become one.
This is what we do when very anxious, we withdraw, remove our awareness from out feelings. Please don’t blame yourself for withdrawing from your sister. This reaction is not even a conscious choice. Like i just wrote, i did it as a young child. Even animals do that when they are very scared.
Significant anxiety is exhausting and causes this foggy brain. I didn’t understand this simple fact and so, I was anxious and ashamed at the same time, ashamed for being so weird, so foggy, inattentive, tired, “lazy” I thought, clumsy. It is only recently that I removed the second layer of shame and allowed myself to “just” be anxious.
Please do post again when you feel like it and tell me, if you will, what you think about the last paragraph I wrote to you, the one above?
anita
May 20, 2016 at 5:16 pm #105214MimiParticipantDear Anita,
I’m sorry for taking so long to respond. I’ve been trying to get back here every day, but keep running out of time and energy.
Thank you so much for your caring and understanding about my guilt regarding my sister’s death. I’m crying right now thinking about it all. You’re right that my sister probably did understand about my reaction to her dying. She was very kind and wise and would’ve surely understood, even throughout her medicated haze. She knew we all loved her so much and were freaked out about what was going on.
Like you, I had a lot of issues during my childhood. I guess some of us spend a lifetime recovering from some of that stuff.
I really can relate to what you said about exhaustion, a foggy brain, and also feeling ashamed. For me, ashamed about being depressed, anxious, and all of my other problems. Luckily, my mother is now understanding and kind (not so much when I was a child – she was a mess herself) and I’ve been blessed to have a really great husband for 30 years. Both of these people, plus my best friend, love me despite my many flaws. It’s of course me who is hard on me now.
I keep wanting to change, to “fix” myself, and I end up even more confused and anxious and overwhelmed by just wanting to be a better version of myself. I do try to acknowledge the good things about myself and love myself, but I do tend to obsess about all of my worries, my problems, my flaws, our health, etc. It is so draining, wanting to fix energy, health, sleep, and other issues and trying to figure out how to do it.
Wow, I feel like I’ve gotten way off topic, but it’s helping me to get more of an overall perspective on things.
Thank you, Anita, for all of your help and advice.
Christine
May 20, 2016 at 7:13 pm #105219AnonymousGuestDear Christine:
Maybe it’s time to stop trying to fix yourself. Maybe you are fine as you are.
This is what I am learning to do: when I feel anxious, I notice it, like right now, and I say to myself: it is okay. I am anxious. It’s okay to feel this. What I otherwise did my whole life is feel anxious about feeling anxious and so I got double anxious and then triple anxious, escalating. now I stop at the beginning of the escalation and accept the feeling.
I do it again and again. The obsessing- I had OCD for decades, so I know obsessing- it too is an escalation of thoughts and feelings. Accept the initial feeling and stop the emotional escalation and the overthinking (which is trying to resolve the distress) will rest too..
Am I clear to you? If not, let me know and I will try to explain myself better.
anita
May 28, 2016 at 3:28 am #105831Richard IngateParticipantHello again Mimi,
Creativity comes from a calm mind not a busy mind – there is no problem to solve.
Best wishes,
Richard
May 28, 2016 at 5:07 pm #105862MimiParticipantRichard,
You said:
“Creativity comes from a calm mind not a busy mind – there is no problem to solve.”
Yes, I’ve read that (it’s sort of what Molly wrote on one of her Buddha Doodles), and I guess sometimes it’s true, but I also have huge bursts of creative ideas when I’m really hyper. I mean, good ideas that I’m writing down quickly. Maybe I will still have that when I’m more calm, but I’m not sure.
I guess I will see what happens when I work on meditation and other things to be calm. I will find out if the creativity is more or less at that point.
Mimi/Christine
May 28, 2016 at 5:15 pm #105863MimiParticipantDear Anita,
You wrote:
“Maybe it’s time to stop trying to fix yourself. Maybe you are fine as you are…
…I say to myself: it is okay. I am anxious. It’s okay to feel this. What I otherwise did my whole life is feel anxious about feeling anxious and so I got double anxious and then triple anxious…
…I had OCD for decades…”
Me, too. OCD things since I was a kid. It’s better now, but obviously not gone. Also, anxious about being anxious, and worrying about fixing it.
You’re right about how I should stop trying to fix myself. Or if I do need to fix some things, I’m realizing that it needs to be a more gentle change, one that doesn’t increase my anxiety. All of the things I tried have always failed anyway, so I’m really trying to find a new way.
Actually, thinking about trying to STOP fixing myself seems to promote anxiety, too, because I think, “What, I’m supposed to be like THIS?!” Ha ha. I mean, when you feel like a mess, the idea of accepting it is frightening, but I guess it’s also liberating, in a way.
Wow, this stuff seems complicated to my confused mind, but I know that if I can wrap my head around it, it will really make my life more SIMPLE, like I want it to be.
I do think I understand what you are saying, and I will try to work on following your suggestions.
Thank you,
Christine
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