Hi Mary,

I am going through pretty much everything you are describing with a guy I reconnected with after several years apart. In the past, a relationship was never in the cards for us because of our 8 year age difference. However, we reconnected this past Summer when he was in town visiting his family and I began to see him in a different light, possibly because he seemed as if he matured. We both agreed to just a physical relationship but it started to change because of the mixed signals he sent to me. I began to develop feelings for him based on those mixed messages. For the first time in a long time, I felt desired and wanted and I was high from that feeling. But things started changing, seemingly overnight. Despite the fact we talked every day he began to distance himself. I began to call him out on it so he reeled me right back in with empty promises. He would be “all in” again for a few days but then it went right back to him being distant and him reaching out when the time was good for him. This back and forth went on for a few months. 2 weeks ago I decided to start putting myself first. This “relationship” was him calling the shots with no consideration of how I felt and what I wanted. As I’d done before, I told him I needed to walk away from this to get over him and move on. When this has happened before, he usually gave me 2 weeks of time alone and then started reaching out like nothing happened and I stupidly took him back. I thought maybe his attempts to reach out were because he missed me (and maybe he did a little bit) but it was clearly for him to feel better about himself. I also have the tendency to check in on him on Instagram and Snapchat, so I’ve deactivated those apps and removed them from my phone, which I have to say has helped tremendously. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what went wrong and why I was never enough for him.. unfortunately these thoughts have now triggered crippling panic attacks. I don’t want to spend my time thinking about him and why things ended up they way they did. I have to keep telling myself that this is on him. I did nothing to deserve this treatment, my only error was accepting it for as long as I did. I have no control over his behavior and actions (as much as I try to figure them out) but I have control over how I react to them. This has not been easy and some days I feel like I’m really struggling but I am trying to focus more on myself and practice more self-love.

I’m sorry you are going through a similar situation with this guy. All I can say, from personal experience, going “no contact” can be the best solution. In my case, I feel stronger each day I’m focusing on myself and not on the BS he consistently threw my way.

Best of luck to you!