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Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
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  • in reply to: Getting over Ex #65423
    Mark
    Participant

    Hey Becky, thank you very much for the very kind and thoughtful response 🙂 Our situations do sound similar. I try to stay busy as well, and journaling helps bring clarity when those negative thoughts pop in my head.

    The most frustrating/agonizing part is that deep down I know she doesn’t have the qualities I’m looking for in a partner, but I still will feel pain every now and then when I see an image in my head of her and her new boyfriend together. I know its all in my head but i sucks. I just try to remember that I don’t need or want anyone who would treat me the way she did. Also, most likely, she behaved this way before me and will continue after me until she deals with her own demons and issues. That helps too to not take what she did too personally.

    It seems like your ex has some emotional issues too, maybe, just by hearing your brief description.

    If you feel comfortable, feel free to email me, markkinzly@gmail.com, if not, no worries and I understand. Thanks again. I really appreciate it 🙂

    in reply to: Getting over Ex #65368
    Mark
    Participant

    Thanks very much all for taking the time post your thoughts. These are very, very hard feelings and situations to deal with, but I guess we can’t expect life to always be easy.

    in reply to: Getting over Ex #65208
    Mark
    Participant

    Hi Bina, it’s a completely natural reaction to blame yourself but you are just hurting. I would recommend the No Contact for some time. After time has gone by you’ll be able to look at things more impartially. Good luck!

    in reply to: Having trouble moving on from my last relationship. #65034
    Mark
    Participant

    Hi Silky, I’ve been reading all the posts and wanted to chime in. First off, I’m really sorry to hear what is happening and that you are in such pain. Like some of the other posters, I can relate to you. I’ve been working a long time to get over an ex who did not treat me very well. My ex also is dating someone and those intrusive thoughts pop in often for as well. I too have struggled with some self-esteem and co-dependency issues.

    Regarding your ex, yes those thoughts where you picture them together suck, but A) those thoughts aren’t real and B) you know from experience that those “good” times are only temporary. If it helps you, when you feel like those thoughts are really affecting you, try picturing them fighting. We know relationships are not all rosy and lovey-dovey. Another thing I try to remember is that everything ends. Every relationship eventually ends. Either they break up or get married; accept your worst case scenario. Even if they get married that’s no guarantee it lasts forever, everyone eventually passes on. I know that sounds bleak but its true and is helpful to remember in these painful cases.

    Regarding codependency, it’s helped me to make a list of things I know are true about myself. Even as simple as: I am a 33 year old man, I love working out, I work for a living. Try starting this list and keep writing it. Start creating an identity outside of her.

    Hope this helps, best of luck and you are not alone my friend 🙂

    in reply to: Getting over Ex #64989
    Mark
    Participant

    Every now and then I’ll feel guilt about not properly processing and holding on for too long..but can’t change that now I guess, just learn from it.

    in reply to: Getting over Ex #64987
    Mark
    Participant

    Thank you very much G, I very much appreciate what you wrote and for taking the time.

    It was indeed a perfect storm of terrible events in such a short time. And with the timing of Mom plus the relationship, I know now that I put her on a pedestal as something I needed to make me happy, especially during this grieving process. This whole situation has opened my eyes to some self-esteem and codependency issues I think I’ve had most of my life but just now realizing and working, so that is something good that came out of all this, self-awareness. Also, it was my 1st relationship so all those feelings I just got hooked on, and made some rookie mistakes.

    I completely agree with what you said about not actually missing her or thinking she is some amazing girl, it’s just the idea of her, and yes the security and validation I felt with her. Who she is specifically is not right for me, or even someone I want in my life. It just took a long time to realize that and let go, which means the dependency was just that strong. I agree no contact is the way to go. I’m just glad I got some closure, now I can continue moving on.

    Thanks again for all your kind words 🙂

Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)