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Matt

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  • #114197

    Matt
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    It sounds like you two need some space to work on your issues and then work on your relationship. Separating does not mean forever nor divorce.

    His issues stem from his childhood as he was raised by an alcoholic family and are being medicated with alcohol. The alcohol needs to stop first thing. Only with a sober mind can he begin to address his core issues. I suggest AA which is free and available worldwide.

    I suggest AA but I’m not saying its the only solution, there are other group therapies that are also free and of a different flavor than AA. Some people are very anti-AA because the message is sometimes lost in its delivery.

    While you can suggest this to him, he’s going to have to make the decision himself. You however should likely separate for a while to get some space and recoup. Separating also puts the onus on him to make a move. It hopefully will be the bottom he needs to see that things need to change.

    While you’re very strong for having to go through all of this, I’m sure you could use some support because you need not go through this alone. There are groups and therapies for that as well.

    I wish you two the best.

    #113365

    Matt
    Participant

    c++, c#, js,vb, etc. Its my profession and I love it, been doing it for close to 20 years now

    #113362

    Matt
    Participant

    Decima, I totally agree. I thought of recommending him a few times but I hold back because some people have a prejudice against him ( at least that’s the story I tell myself).

    I was just listening to him today on my ride to the mountains and am currently reading Awaken the Giant Within.

    Thanks for suggesting him.

    #113359

    Matt
    Participant

    Start working on yourself.

    #113358

    Matt
    Participant

    If you’re not letting them flow now, what are you doing to prevent that?

    Generally its not healthy to bottle things up if that’s what you’re doing. In any case you’ll eventually need to feel them without letting them take you down. You’ll need to let them flow and know that they are just feelings and don’t have to control you. Its like having a cold where you have to wait it out. You have to realize that this is Abraham having feelings and its normal and ok and they won’t last forever even if it feels like it.

    Maybe as a test once you feel ready you can allow yourself to feel these feelings for 5 mins. Set a timer and when the 5 mins are up decide that you are going to do something happy and healthy to take your mind off your feelings. Do this until you feel strong enough to go longer and then start incorporating some thoughts about how you’re just sitting with these feelings and while they feel bad, nothing has to happen and eventually they’ll leave.

    #113357

    Matt
    Participant

    hello,

    I’m no relationship expert by any means but I’m friends with my ex wife. Our break up was very civil and never a bad word was said. We both knew we wanted to remain friends when we first discussed separating for good. Her parents did the same thing though there was a gap of a few years where they weren’t talking.

    IMO its definitely possible though all wounds need to be healed before it can happen otherwise you risk getting on the roller coaster again. I’ve read your other thread and I think you’ll need some time to heal and find / love yourself before you’re ready to be friends with this man. Even then it might not work if he’s not done the work he needs to do. In that case you might just find that its not worth being his friend at that time.

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