Hello Anita, it’s not quite that my performance is never good enough. She is always first to cheerlead and congratulate me – but actually both my parents have that ‘cherry on top’ moment occasionally and I latch onto it, and often emulate it in my own actions. It is entirely unintentional and I’m sure they don’t realise it but it can be difficult especially when my OCD/perfectionism is exacerbated.

Sometimes this is exhausting! Did you ever feel a bit fed up of it?

Hey Anita,
Aw I’m sorry to hear that the place shut down :(. That would be difficult for anyone… especially where so many lovely memories were shared there. But, when one door closes, another opens 💚 in the interim I hope you are able to find activities that nourish and rejuvenate you 🩷

About the decisions, I have no idea why my brain is fixating on ‘perfect ones’. Maybe to do with optimising any situation I’m in… still trying to figure it out

Have a lovely weekend 🤍

Hi Anita,
How are you? 🤍

Hi Anita,
Thank you for taking the time to write back. It’s always lovely to read from you, and thank you for the earlier message about my ex which I forgot to acknowledge…

Yes, it makes sense that newness and excitement are the cousins of anxiety and they can bring up old feelings of checking and doubting in an attempt to give up discomfort. In this sense I think time is a great healer, and allowing myself the ability to adjust. This job will give me a platform to breathe a bit, whilst still challenge me, but in a much more relaxed and supportive environment.

What a lovely way to view regression. As curiosity – ‘hmm, I wonder why my brain does this?’ 🤔. I did it today, and actually had an answer! I was planning ahead and worrying because I was bored with what I was doing, but even stopping and noticing and then moving forward gently helps. Baby steps ☺️

I love the evolution and journey you have been on. What a mountain you have climbed, formed from repeating that curiosity, probably frequently. It’s so encouraging to read you feel much lighter and no longer the same as you used to ✨🌿🕊️

Hi Anita

always good to hear from you.
I have empathy for him, for sure, and at times I feel myself tilting into his sorrow, going into ‘how can I help him’. And when I have offered 🌿 my advice, he dismisses it. He knows best. So there is not much I can offer; I thought I could offer friendship but maybe it is hindering me moving forward and my true liberation…

Oh! that is distressing, of course it is dog nature but still not pleasant, was the rabbit alive/okay? It is not your or his fault, it is the circle of life ☺️🌿🩷

Hey Anita,
How are you doing? It has been a month since we last spoke and i have been thinking of you frequently!

I went on my first solo trip to Sicily. It was absolutely wonderful and liberating – doing what i wanted, whenever i wanted, without any guilt! I met so many people and put myself out of my comfort zone many times.

I have since been at home with my parents. At first, i found it irritable to not have the freedom of doing what i wanted whenever, as i felt pulled into people-pleasing. Whilst there will always be an aspect of that at home with them, i have learnt how to keep that sense of independence and ability to do what I would like, without feeling guilty!

My final little update for you is that i passed the bar course with a distinction. It was a relief, and made the hard work and sacrifice worth it. Whilst i don’t regret how i achieved it, maybe going forward i won’t be as closed and ‘all / nothing’. I wish to maintain the sense of balance, vibrancy, movement and joy as much as I can.

How are you. Please tell me about how your month has been.

Warm wishes ✨☺️🩷

Hi Anita,

How are you? How is Bogart doing? PS – what does his name mean – I’d love to know that.

Yes I have always had dogs. All female labradors except for our current dog, Ralph, who is a cockapoo and a naughty boy! I really am a dog person… not a cat person… because when I was younger a cat scratched me. That said, I was bitten by a dog once, and that was scary!

I’ve been in a bit of recovery over the past few days. I had an interview and it went badly, I found out I didn’t get it yesterday. That’s okay though! I did have an ‘emotional eat’ – not a binge, but it felt sad to eat when sad.. I know we are human and this is a valid experience but it didn’t sit right with me to eat like that again. So I think I may have outgrown emotional eating… finally…?

Hope you are okay too 🥰

Hi Anita,
Oh no! That is not pleasant… I hope your dog is okay and I hope you are able to return to your bed soon… is it the stress of not sleeping in your bed/worrying about your dog’s health that is keeping you?

Yes, my Mum is learning to let go and it’s so lovely to see. More so because she’s spent a lifetime looking after others & putting out their fires for them especially extended family. With us, she did not have reliable or present parents so I believe she was determined to be the most present mother ever. I understand this.
To answer your question, I can’t describe a bodily emotion – but she just feels safe and calm. Unlike the two men in my life who are rather hectic, emotionally unpredictable and a bit flight or fight. My dad airs too much the side of caution in terms of – sometimes he’s afraid to speak to my brother, owing to their previous rifts. He too did not have present parents – I don’t think anyone really taught him so he learnt as he went (as many, if not most parents do!)

With my brother – yes. He’s protective over me and is older but I sometimes think of him as a younger brother to educate in small things like housework, cooking etc. other than that, he is extremely self-sufficient. I think he is in a certain era of his life where he craves freedom but does need support, even if unwilling to admit that.

Do you have siblings? 🥰