Max Bye

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    Max Bye

    Hi Wohochi,
    I would take Anita’s advice with a pinch of salt – all people can be mean at times.
    If she wants to get back with you and is happy to ditch the other guy then happy days.
    Otherwise, you’re putting this girl to high up in your expectations.
    The image in your head will probably not match expectation, especially if she’s treating you bad.
    Just keep putting yourself out there, eventually you will find a girl that you will be able to see yourself with.

    Max Bye

    1) Having a job that I don’t dread going to
    2) Having such amazing friends, support and gf
    3) Being healthy and finally recovering from flu
    Thanks Shrine.

    Max Bye

    Hi Annie,
    Really great response, we don’t actually disagree on our thoughts/feelings. Again, I voted Clinton.
    I am fed-up with the attitude because it’s the defacto response of those closest to me:
    “this person is an idiot”, “research this person he’s much worse”, “these people have no idea what they are doing”
    It’s this micro-status hateful solutions people seem to throw about that creates more disparity.
    If they are so angry with the result then they should find ways to change the democratic process but instead people just vent on social-media about how “they’re ashamed for this group of people”, it sometimes creates an echo-chamber of agreement but nobody does anything to change any of the underlying problems. Clinton lost but I think the system is fair and respect the result. Is it unreasonable to ask those closest to me to adopt a compassionate attitude and change the system objectively if they think it’s unfair?

    Max Bye

    Hi Jamie,

    Every breakup is different so again this advice only goes so far.
    Also, I’ve gone through a few breaks-ups but absolutely no expert.
    I always find the best way to exit a relationship emotionally for both parties is tell him the relationship is over and state directly to him that he isn’t going to be able to get in contact, spend one last night together and then cut all ties completely for three months.

    This may seem cold but the small getting back togethers, the long phone calls and the checking in on one another. It gives your bf the wrong impression of your intentions, it shakes your confidence in your decision and ultimately I find it creates more pain for both of you (even though your intention is to lessen the pain by staying in contact).

    Exiting a relationship and blocking him out takes an incredible amount of willpower.
    Time heals all but at first it’s like the most guilty and worst feeling in the world.
    Obviously you have this community but ask your friends and family for support and help before you do it.
    If you fall into the “there’s no one else for me” trap then get active on a dating site.
    Delete boyfriend from whatsapp so you’re not tempted to text.
    Coffee after three months ideal as the emotion is gone and you can both objectively find closure.

    Max Bye

    Missme dropped some fantastic advice.
    The only thing I would add is the moment I really started enjoying myself (I did small stint of really meaningful volunteer work) and was happy, working out regularly and totally broke – the job landed that now makes me genuinely happy.
    I hated looking for jobs. But I would write a schedule that forced me to apply to two a day before treating myself to a large coffee in the park. (Side note writing “Spend an hour in the park” when you’re unemployed feels really weird but scheduling really helped me). I was really hesitant about using a company that looks for jobs on my behalf but I would highly recommend it – even though the jobs they sent to me weren’t quite right, they personally told me my CV could be dramatically improved, that my cover letter approach could be improved with XYZ and interviewing for companies that I didn’t want to work for gave me tremendous confidence and experience when I went for an interview for the company that I did want to work for.
    Good luck bud!

    Max Bye

    Hi Jamie,
    Obviously, we’ve been given a very small snapshot into your relationship so it’s hard for any of us to make big decisions like “leave him” on your behalf.

    I think their are two issues at play here.
    1. Your boyfriend is abusive.
    Your friends are the best litmus test here.
    If he’s a jerk and making you feel bad then I agree with Anita – there are better fish in the sea.
    But if he’s a cool guy and you trust him and he’s just acting like a jerk because we all say dumb things in the heat of the mo’ and you wanna see your relationship work, then that’s cool too.
    It’s your decision but I wouldn’t get too hung up on the one guy.

    2. Cheating
    To me this is a separate issue and I got some really fantastic advice on the subject.
    A relationship is all about trust. Breaking that trust is the cheating part.
    If my GF got drunk and kissed someone, I would forgive her because we all do dumb things when we’re drunk.
    Just cause we’re in a relationship doesn’t mean we can’t get a crush on another person / always be devout.
    But if she saw that guy after that night, I would consider that breaking the limits of our trust.

    If you want your relationship to work, I would highly recommend cutting ties with that boy you kissed.
    Having him in the picture hampers the trust your bf can put into you and will stop him from moving on.
    Good luck dude and be mindful of these relationships on your health.
    Have fun, as soon as these relationships affect your health, they ain’t worth your time.

    Max Bye

    Hi Wohochi,
    It’s great that you were brave enough to share your true feeling with your ex.
    Now, the ball is in her court. She has to choose.
    If she dumps her new bf to be with you, then that to some extent proves she has got over whatever problem broke you two in the first place and is happy to start again.
    If she chooses her new bf then I’m truly sorry but that’s just the way the cookie crumbles.
    It wouldn’t be right for you to force anything, it is her decision.
    The absolute best thing you can do is give her space, go out and meet as many new people and have as many new experiences as humanely possible. Best of luck my friend and well done on telling your ex how you feel, a lot of people in your situation wouldn’t have the guts.

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