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Thank you reading. I’m currently 27. The business I’m working on is an idea I’ve had for a while now, and decided to make an app. The app is what I’m working on. I’ve also been looking for marketing jobs. I’ve tried social media and film too. The whole process is daunting : ( For quitting jobs it’s usually been because they weren’t covering my basic needs and I felt I needed to try to get a full-time job, or the boss was intolerable. I’ve noticed I attract a specific type of boss that is a bit toxic, overbearing, and generally hires and fires. I’ve had at least three bosses that have hired and fired others, in addition to me, it seems like part of the pattern is that I get desperate and am forced to take a job that’s sort of the one that everyone else won’t take. I’m pretty sure that most reputable employers wouldn’t hire me. I’ve just never been offered a full time job with one – it seems like most people wouldn’t hire me because I’m a bit charismatic. I’ve been told multiple times that I will not be hired for a job because “I’ll be bored.” It’s a tiring conversation.. I hate JOBS! At a certain point I just hate them so much that it’s a no. I’ve had enough. I’m fed up. I just feel like a 9-5 job isn’t for me. I’ve never felt like it was my destiny.
I’m ok with doing a business, I think it’s a better fit for me. I’ve realized the issue is not the jobs! It’s that I have a block to making a living wage. Doesn’t matter if the money is coming from a job or a business – if there’s a possibility for me to have my bills covered, food on the table, and a roof over my head, I’ll sabotage it. Not sure why. I had a traumatic experience with my photo teacher in college yelling at me about my plans for my career. I’m not sure what happened with that which made me have doubt/fear/ or just energetically rattled me in terms of my career. But before that I usually didn’t have a problem making money. Now I do.
But I’ll figure out this cycle of setbacks with your help – I’ve realized it’s not going to happen on my own
Cool post. I’m a visual artist, and I feel like that makes me different in a way that causes judgement from a lot of people. I am myself, and to a lot of people that’s really offensive/off-putting or just I guess not ok for them. I think that’s one of the main reasons I’ve struggled so much to find a job and get work – people usually tell me they can’t “wrap my head around me” or want me to just “go be an artist.” That’s pretty tough to hear when I’m struggling to get food on the table or a roof over my head. I think it’s sad that so many artists have been forced to live in poverty or rely on family throughout history, yet society has still failed to support artists – there’s probably a lot of people that would argue with me on that one, but artists probably wouldn’t 🙂
I’ve decided to start my own business, it’s the one way I think I might have a chance of not being bullied to poverty by people who don’t ‘get it,’ and actually not be poor. I mean, even when I hustle 1000% harder, the results in the 9-5 world just aren’t there for me. I’ve had enough.
I wanted to write to you Anita, because I think you do ‘get it.’ And now that I’ve started my business I’ve noticed that there are still some issues or blocks I’m facing to actually get the business up and running! I’ve wondered in the past if my art teacher telling me my plans to be an artist after college graduation really did mess me up inside – he said that I was “offensive” – oh well. It didn’t work out for me… My dream is to be a film director – but after trying for several years, I don’t really see how it’s going to happen, and I’ve faced so much adversity in my efforts and they didn’t pan out. So… what I’m wondering is do I have an internal block to making a living wage? Every time I’ve had a job around the time when I get to a place where I might be financially stable I quit, or get fired… My parents are narcisstic, and I live at home currently, I’m not sure if they play a role but they do doubt me or just see my abilities are like “goals” and not actually capabilities. I guess I’m just wondering because now that I’m doing my business I’m facing another block that’s in the way of me finally making an income with it… I’m not sure if it’ll work out, or if I’m sabotaging myself. If I did have an internal block to making a living wage – would that be something I can overcome? How would I do it? I mean… it would make sense because I’ve never been able to be financially stable, and when I get close I usually do get sabotaged or self sabotage with the negative thoughts. Do you think I’m on the right track?