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    I’m sure your post was directed towards me. I’m in no way suggesting she get used to porn in her relatgiionships, but to say that porn is bad & to shame those interested in it is irresponsible.
    There are underlying personality issues related to obsessive/ compulsive activities- whether it’s porn or fast food. Partners need to be on the same page.
    There’s a lot of body-shaming in society. It’s possible her boyfriend is trying to get in touch with his sexuality that wasn’t allowed.
    It’s also possible he’s a scoundrel….I am not a regular porn consumer but occasionally it turns me on. I’ve had partners completely obsessed with sex/porn & I understand that problem ad well.
    Life with moderation!
    And there are so many people out there- don’t settle for someone you feel you need to control. There will be resentment, unless they reach their behavior modification on their own terms.


    Very quickly: there isn’t anything wrong with porn unless it becomes a preoccupation. If porn gets in the way of real life relations or it creates unfair expectations.
    However, there is something wrong with dishonesty & demanding someone’s behavior to stop.
    I believe the correct response is communicating not ultimatums. Sometimes porn helps relationships with passion & fantasy- nothing wrong with healthy sex life- but sounds like there was something wrong before porn.
    You made an abrupt decision that you seem to regret but if your partner’s behavior disturbs you, take some time & move on.
    You’ll find a better match.


    seriously, you have given this man (one who has faults, poor judgment, & makes mistakes- like everyone else!) an incredible amount of power. you have spiraled down by paying too much attention to someone else & not giving yourself respect. i’m sure you have accomplishments in your life to be proud of, i’m sure you have friends, family, pets, etc. that respect you & have love for you.
    why was this man more important than them? why decline because you lost his affection?
    understand you were involved with a man who was already committed to someone else. why would you want someone who lives dishonestly?!!
    you are worth more than his control. hold your head up!!! forgive yourself for the mistake you made of having an affair- how do you think his wife would feel? how would you feel if you were her??
    do not attempt to be his friend or forgive him too soon.
    repair your damage & do some soul searching- why are you attracted to unavailable partners?
    where is your self-love/self-care/ self-respect?
    why would anyone want to be involved with someone who has no self-respect (him/you?)?

    get out & be with people who sincerely care for you (not someone acting out fantasies), find a meditation group, go to yoga classes, center yourself- obviously you have lost your way (temporarily- and we’ve all been there!). figure out what type of partner you want (AND BELIEVE YOU DESERVE) by journaling.


    if you believe you deserve to be treated badly, the universe will provide the bad…..and the opposite rings truth as well.


    Do not wait for anyone. If it’s right, it happens. And the misconception that “right” lasts forever clouds most people’s minds must be addressed.
    Mr. or Mrs.”Right” are multiples over a lifetime, lasting days or years, depending on your karma/lessons.
    Snap out of the delusion & Do Not pursue someone that has already given you a STOP sign.

    This is what stalkers do… Speaking from having experienced it!!!!


    I’ve been on both sides of this painful situation & i say leave her be. She’s tried being direct with you & tried avoiding topic.
    Nothing to salvage.
    Your further attempts will only appear desperate. If it were meant to be, it would be…

    Trust her when she says it’s not going to work. There’s also no good in overthinking “what-if’s”.
    Sorry if this seems harsh… But there’s no sugar coating the truth.


    Yes, I agree inky! I know logically to back off because I have also been the one in his shoes & had my stability disrupted by an ex. However, I felt there were things that needed to be said & because I see him throughout the week during work hours, we needed to resolve some uncomfortable tensions- this will continue to be painful but I want our progress to be gentle with each other.
    I miss him & feel so connected with his soul & his pain, we really are similar in our wounded hearts.
    Thanks for your perspective!

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