April 29, 2016 at 12:58 pm #103131DavidParticipant
Hi everyone. Around the end of March I started going out with this girl and we clicked instantly. We spent about a week texting before we finally went out for our first date. And it was great, I’d never felt such an honest connection with someone before. I took her out for breakfast and then we went hiking and cuddled at my place. We ended the date with a kiss and it felt really great, she even sent me a text right after saying she had a wonderful time. And it continued like that for a few weeks, we had our second date a few days after and went to the ocean and watched the sunset, all that cheesy stuff.
On our third date she came over and I cooked her a homemade dinner and she even bought dessert for me and my family and it was really great. I bought her a gift a day before and surprised her with it and she said it was the best thing anyone had ever gotten her and that made me feel really good. We spent the night just cuddling and talking until she started to tell me that all of this was very overwhelming and that she wasn’t in a good place emotionally. I told her that I understood how she felt and that if she wanted to slow things down we absolutely would and that we would go at her pace. She appreciated that and I thought things were alright.
We went out again, and this was the last time I’ve seen her, a few days after and I noticed that she was a lot quieter than usual the whole day. We still continued to text every day and kept talking for about a week until she stopped. I hadn’t from her in two days which had never happened so I texted her and asked what was wrong. She told me she wasn’t emotionally ready for a relationship and couldn’t see how things would work out and that things escalated too quickly which ruined things between us. The farthest we went was making out and I didn’t think that was too much but if it was, I would’ve been willing to hold off. She told me she was scared by how much I cared for her and that she still wanted to be friends. I never replied to her after that other than saying “I’m sorry it was too much” and that was the last time we spoke. That was about two weeks ago.
I know she’s been hurt badly in past relationships and that opening up to someone was very hard for her to do, but I just feel like there’s more for us than that. I really miss her and I really want to try things over again with her, but I’m not sure if she wants that or if she really is done with me. I can honestly say I haven’t felt such a strong connection with someone. We were really good together and I really miss that feeling. Talking to other girls doesn’t feel the same and it feels kind of empty without her. What should I do here? Any advice would be greatly appreciated and thanks for reading.April 29, 2016 at 1:43 pm #103138mullyParticipant
I’ve been on both sides of this painful situation & i say leave her be. She’s tried being direct with you & tried avoiding topic.
Nothing to salvage.
Your further attempts will only appear desperate. If it were meant to be, it would be…
Trust her when she says it’s not going to work. There’s also no good in overthinking “what-if’s”.
Sorry if this seems harsh… But there’s no sugar coating the truth.April 29, 2016 at 2:17 pm #103140DuronParticipant
Mulza hit it right on the head. I agree 100%. I would only add that you shouldn’t feel as if you did anything wrong. You probably did everything right, and she just wasn’t ready for that.
Maybe this was just to show you that you can have that kind of connection with someone. Possibly preparing you for someone even better!April 29, 2016 at 6:57 pm #103155AnonymousGuest
Your post read like the beginning of a love story cut short. I wished it continued.
I like your gentle communication with her about taking it slow. You tried to accommodate her.
If you want, you can try to contact her and offer to get together as friends, no holding hands, kissing or cuddling, no physical contact (she may had a problem with that aspect, feeling distress over it), and as friends you want to get to know her further, to listen to her, to understand her. In other words, you want to be her friend.
Maybe she will be receptive to that, and if she will, then you will get the opportunity to get to know her and what happened…
anitaApril 30, 2016 at 10:39 am #103169Whitney AllenParticipant
David–I’m so sorry to hear about your situation. I must admit, I was that girl recently. It’s really tough to admit that you’re not in a good place to continue the relationship, especially one with an immense connection. But it’s so important to let people go through their own journey to get to a place where they are capable of receiving love.
I agree with Anita. There’s no harm in checking in with her intermittently as a friend. Someone did that for me and it helped me realize how supportive and trustworthy he was. You should be sure to move forward with your life though. I wish you the best of luck!April 30, 2016 at 10:54 am #103170DavidParticipant
Thanks everyone for the replies. I’ve been thinking about doing just that, checking in on her as a friend, letting her know that I understand she isn’t ready for a relationship but that I still care about her and still want to be there for her. And maybe eventually she will be, but for now I just want to build a stronger connection with her if she’s willing to let me do that. However, I’m not sure if I should keep myself open to other people or if I should really wait around for her as long as it takes, not knowing if she’ll come around or not. I really do care and feel for her, and as I stated originally talking to other people really doesn’t feel the same.
April 30, 2016 at 12:38 pm #103175AnonymousGuest
- This reply was modified 7 years, 5 months ago by David.
You are welcome. I second you (and whitneyp) on trying to re-connect with her as a friend. As to waiting for her to become your girlfriend, I don’t think it is a good idea. If she is open to friendship with you, then there is no boyfriend/ girlfriend relationship in existence, and so, there is no one for you to be loyal to as a girlfriend. The fact that she was your girlfriend and that in the future, she may be your girlfriend, does not change the fact that in present time she is not and you are free.
I understand it doesn’t feel the same to talk to other girls and why would it feel the same, there is no one exactly like her. Be open to different feelings talking to different girls. Different may be a good thing.
anitaApril 30, 2016 at 4:29 pm #103192mullyParticipant
Do not wait for anyone. If it’s right, it happens. And the misconception that “right” lasts forever clouds most people’s minds must be addressed.
Mr. or Mrs.”Right” are multiples over a lifetime, lasting days or years, depending on your karma/lessons.
Snap out of the delusion & Do Not pursue someone that has already given you a STOP sign.
This is what stalkers do… Speaking from having experienced it!!!!May 13, 2016 at 12:45 pm #104470ChristineParticipant
My heart goes out to you as I have just gone through this exact same experience.
While others have encouraged you to still reach out to her intermittently, which I think is fine, I do think you should keep yourself open to new experiences with other people. Though there is a chance this girl may come around, there is no guarantee that it will happen. You can certainly be a friend, but you can’t put your life/hopes on hold. If it’s meant to work out, it will but you can’t hold your breath waiting for it to happen.
It’s been my experience that these situations can lead to very murky waters. I myself have just wasted two years with a guy who clammed up and claimed he wasn’t ready for a relationship but that we could remain friends (which we were, closely so). He later dropped me a year later after he ran into an old classmate (with whom he promptly jumped into a relationship). At the start I was told the same things as you – “it’s fine to check in, be a friend etc, you never know…” but in the end it resulted in a lot of hurt feelings.
Understandably, things will not feel the same with other girls, but have faith that you will a strong connection like that again. I was gobsmacked when I felt things for a new person because I was convinced it would never happen again.
It’s noble that you want to demonstrate your patience and understanding for this girl, but you should proceed with caution.May 24, 2016 at 10:51 am #105504AnonymousInactive
Hi. I can feel your love for her. Don’t ever give up on her. Is she has been broken then she need you more than anything. Don’t ever quit on LOVE.
My loved one quit on me. People should never quit , they should forgive and give the second chance.. because you don’t know what you had until you lose it.
I didn’t know what I was looking for all my life until I found it and lost him. ForeverMay 26, 2016 at 9:48 am #105693Christopher.mParticipant
Mully you hit the nail on the head…. David, the other posters are giving you false hope. She has your number if her interest level changed. Do not contact her again
My advice going forward… keep the first few dates short 1-2 hours max. If you spill all the beans of the first date it’s a huge turnoff. Women love a bit of mystery. Not some guy who treats her as the girlfriend on the first date…. it comes across as desperate. She needs to earn the right to cuddle all day/night
ChristopherMay 26, 2016 at 9:50 am #105694Christopher.mParticipant
Further, think of this idea… “a rose needs times to bloom”… likewise romance needs time to gradually bloom.
On first or second date go for a kiss. But as I said I strongly advise keeping the dates short to build some anticipation and romantic tension….. if all the wine is poured out the party is over my friend.May 26, 2016 at 11:17 am #105701Nicholas RutkowskiParticipant
I’m sorry to hear about your situation. I understand it’s been about a month since this occurred so I hope you’ve gained more ground in this. From the sounds of it shes scared to let someone in because of something in the past that has happened to her. This is quite common with a lot of people and can be very frustrating on the receiving end. I’m currently in a new relationship now where I was the one who was closed up, what my girlfriend did was stayed consistent with me always reminding me she’ll never hurt me and worked as hard as she could to gain my trust. But, in the end it all takes time. Remember Rome wasn’t built in a day, neither are relationships. Keep at it man and tell me the outcome!