Hi Gregory,

Thank you for your input. My partner literally does nothing wrong to me so I know that I am the problem. I know I need to work on my anxiety and I hope I can do that while still being with him. Thank you for your well wishes.

No, because we both don’t believe that would actually solve the core problem. Even if we were to break up, I think there would still be the underlying problem which would just infiltrate into any future relashinships that I would have, if any.

Yes, I took them in the past and am currently starting a new medication but it’s too early to see how it is working yet. When I was on medication, it did help, but I still had the same beliefs in the background. I know I need to see a psychologist but even still, my thoughts stop me and tell me that it won’t work because I need to break up with my boyfriend.

Hi Anita,

Yes, that does feel partially true. I also just feel like if I break up with this person, I would finally be free of the constant thoughts I have about breaking up with them, which would give me some mental peace.

Now, I don’t know if this would actually be true unless I were to actually break up with them, but that is what I feel.

Hi Anita,

Thank you for getting back with such a detailed reply. Upon further reflection, I can definitely see how my mothers yelling would have kept me on edge and scared as a child. However, I would need to ask her about the other correlations….ex: her yelling at me when throwing up, pooping, etc.

I like the progress that I am making through this reflection, but I still am at a loss for how I can begin to improve myself for the better.

Hi Anita,

I can see where you are coming from but clearly I am remembering all of the fearful times( pooping, throwing up, etc). Although I struggled internally, my home life was relatively stable on the outside. I would like not to assume that my home life was unpredictable or scary because of my parents.

In terms of the mono, the dizziness actually all started, from my memory, when I was getting a bad grade in 6th grade. I remember thinking I would never go to college or be able to take care of myself because of the bad grade. I also thought my dad would be really upset with me at the time. He wasn’t but I assumed he would be. I internalized the stress for so long that it made me sick until I couldn’t be quiet anymore. I told my parents how I was feeling and they took me to the doctor. After a blood test the doctor said I had mono. It was truly a traumatic experience. I felt like I was on a boat for almost a whole year and it was awful. It got better the next year but the sense of motion never really went away.

On another note, I had a realization earlier. When my parents used to go out to eat when I was young, I always felt scared when they would leave. Maybe one of the reasons why I am now so independent is because I don’t want to feel an anxious attachment to someone or something.

Hi Anita,

Although I am not really willing to go back on medication, I do think it would be important for me to get back on my routine as I have dropped it for several months. However, as we have pointed out that I have had long-standing fear/anxiety, what else can be done to un-do the damage that has been done?

In terms of my relationships, I genuinely feel that they are all going very well. I have a wonderful group of supportive friends, who are all very close to me. No particular relationship stands out in my mind as draining or negative.

Hi Anita,

Reflecting on my childhood, I seem to remember the times in which I experienced anxiety and not a lot else. I used to be afraid of going to restaurants because I was afraid that I would throw-up and embarrass myself. Sometimes this worry actually came true. One of my first memories was being afraid to go poop(as a toddler) and so I held it in for days until my parents took me to the doctor. I was afraid that pooping would be painful so I held it in. I’ve done some self-reflection before and realized that I do not like being physically uncomfortable and out of control.