It seems to me that what you have between you and him is still open on your side. You still have feelings, you still want to continue things, you still want to talk. Unfortunately, it seems it is not open from his side (maybe I shouldn’t say unfortunately because maybe you are not meant to be with him but you just can’t think in that way right now). If it was, you wouldn’t be getting a reply after one year and waiting for a reply for four months.

What I know is that you can have all the feelings in the world, but you can’t make someone feel. It is simply impossible. No talking, no convincing, no nothing can work on a heart once it makes its decision. Only if the communication continues there is a slight chance that things can go back but in your case, this is not happening as far as I can see. I am guessing that you still want to talk to him, you still want him to talk to you, you have a lot of things to say to him and you just can’t get them out of your mind. I know this is a very difficult situation. But think for a minute that he has no idea about this and he does not care anymore. If he wanted to talk to you, he would have done that long ago. He didn’t, because it is not open on his side. It is closed. It ended.

For me, there is only one way to get rid of the urge to talk to him. I am thinking a verbal conversation is not possible in your case so write everything that you are keeping inside you as if you are talking to him. You will notice that you will start feeling better the moment you start writing. This time, do not write things that you think he would like to hear. Do write things as they come from your heart. Be honest with yourself. Express your true feelings. Your love, your hate, your anger, your pain, your hopes, whatever. Write only the true feelings. Whether or not you send that to him is up to you. You may send and wait another year to get a reply and maybe you will never get a reply which may make things worse for you. But also, if you know that he got the message and read it (how can you know… maybe a read receipt or something), you may also feel better. You can also try something. Write and wait on it a couple of days. Do you feel like sending after a couple of days or do you feel like deleting the message? You may delete it and when you have the same urge, write again and so on. I think in time, your writing will get shorter and shorter and at the end you will realize that you don’t want to say anything. Decision is yours. What I know is that whether you send it or not will not make a difference. What it will help is that some of the things that you have been keeping in your mind will be gone. Keep doing this, keep writing to him whenever you feel you want to talk to him, and you will see that the urge will get weaker every time.

Morten,

Observing her more and talking to her at the right time and letting her know how you feel about her behavior and expecting her to show respect to your feelings is the way to go.

I think showing this thread to her is definitely not a good idea. It has nothing to do with me, my post or my name or others who contributed. I know you are looking for support for your argument which is “she should stop behaving in a way that makes you unhappy if she wants to continue with you”. But, believe me showing her this thread or telling her how others think or what others say will only make things worse. Just tell her your feelings and opinions. Yourself, your ideas, your opinions should be support enough in a relation when trying to make your partner understand something. Please and please do not show her this thread, as I said it has nothing to do with our names etc. just trust me on this.

To me, the problem is not his past but the way he keeps talking about it. Who in the world wouldn’t be annoyed to hear about his/her partner’s past all the time? If he did not keep talking about his past, I believe you would not be making it a problem because it wouldn’t be in front of you.

My suggestion is simple: Tell him how it makes you feel when he talks about his ex politely. An understanding person should realize his mistake and stop talking about his ex. If he is not understanding, and if he keeps talking about his ex, I think things will just get worse and your pain will grow. Do not let that happen. Talk to him and see whether he respects your feelings or not about this.

I really don’t understand how people cannot realize how it can hurt their partner when constantly talk about their exes. That’s so wrong.

• This reply was modified 10 years, 3 months ago by Neil.
• This reply was modified 10 years, 3 months ago by Neil.