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Nicole

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  • #107821
    Nicole
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    🙂

    He is 45, I’m 36.
    We got to know each other at rowing for a year before we started dating then 2 years later we were married and have been married for 3 years.
    He handled the PND well, I think, but struggled if I asked him to be my cheerleader. If I had a bad day and felt the need to vent, he couldn’t just tell me that it would be ok and that I was doing a good job, which is all I really needed and asked for, instead he would get overwhelmed. So I generally try to be my own cheerleader but maybe once a month I’ll actually tell him I’m having a tough day and ask for support and he has been able to cope with that.
    He’s been struggling a lot more recently, over the past few weeks maybe. Getting forgetful, not able to handle the tasks he usually can manage and has had some health issues of his own that he had to go to the doctor about.
    He’s a bit of an emotional black hole. Getting him to talk about his feelings is near impossible and he’s always said that he shows me he loves me rather than tell me, but lately he hasn’t been showing much of anything.
    With our son he’s up and down. He’s not the most patient person and gets easily frustrated and will raise his voice if our son is resisting a nappy change for example. I think he struggles with the daily grind like we all do with a young child, but he also has trouble in seeing the magic and embracing the chaos.

    #107814
    Nicole
    Participant

    No, not so much that. I work in a male dominated environment, and grew up with older brothers. I know men are just as people like us girls and in truth often need a little bit more support because of the pressure society puts on them. We have a little man ourselves, a 14-month old bundle of energy. Perhaps that’s a part of it, I mean I had post natal depression and I got the help I needed to deal with it, but could it be that he has some lingering issues of his own??

    He is just exhausted, yet fully able to get sleep every night while I deal with baby. He’s work is busy but no more than usual, and despite me pretty much running the household, looking after baby and working part time, the smallest requests I make of him seem to cripple him.

    An example, last night I asked him to prepare two bottles for baby’s daycare today while I bathed baby and got him ready for bed. Husband went into full meltdown because at first he couldn’t find bottles so came and asked me where there were, when I responded that they might need to be washed, he started cursing and thumping things in the kitchen.

    Another example, on Friday I asked him if he could please fold the laundry while he watched the football on tv while I made dinner. Again this was met with cursing and exasperation.

    After I’d had a difficult day, my dad just getting some medical tests results that weren’t great, dealing with a sick bubba and a massive project at work, I asked him for a hug and to tell me that everything would be ok, and he said he was trying to be positive but that I asked for too much.

    I’m now feeling like I can’t ask him for support or help which makes me think that he’s struggling in himself.

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