I moved back down south 2 years ago because of family, they all live down here. Especially to be closer to my mother, she’s getting old, and she has at least 2 types of cancer that I’m aware of.  She’s going to need all the support she can get.

I do wish to move back up north one day though.

I’m not affiliated with the gang anymore, in fact it broke up entirely pretty soon after I left. I do keep in touch with one of my childhood friends from that time though, who now happens to run his own.

I was robbed by a drug addict who needed a phone to get his drugs. He knocked on my door, I answered and he had this iPhone that he was told that I could unlock for him. When I told him that I couldn’t do that because I’ve never seen the phone before, he got agitated and asked me what I’m supposed to do about this then. I offered him to use my phone if he needed to call someone, but he told me that he needed a phone to keep.   I apologized and told him I can’t help him with that.. And that’s when he got really angry and pulled out a Beretta from his jacket.

I value my life more than a phone, so I told him that he can have my phone. We walk into my home and I give him the phone, he then tells me that the things my brother does has consequences, he then took some prescription drugs that belonged to my brother and left.

Contacted Police and un-linked my phone from everything. he was found an hour later by the police dogs, phone is at the police station in the same condition and I should be getting it back soon.

Sadly some of my older friends found out what happened, and the guy has had a bad time ever since. At least they respected my wishes to let him live, but he did get a pretty nasty beating.

You are absolutely right about me. There is nothing I value more than truth. But.. I also don’t like to give up, as long as I feel that there is still some hope, I wont give up. It keeps me alive..

As for life, there has certainly been worse times in history than those we face right now. But it does feel like we’re escalating slowly towards something we might never have faced before as a species. Never before have we had the technology or capacity to do so much damage in so little time as we do now. A frightening thought that a single individual holds the power to end all life on the planet.

Now more than ever before should we strive for peace, not conflict.  This is why I worry when I see conflict escalating in my own country.

Hello Tannhauser.

I do not believe in mental illness, and I do not believe in prescription drugs. Your mental condition is a reflection of your physical life, what you have and what you don’t have. All these prescription drugs do is mask the problem, to make it seem like you’re fine.

In doing so you simply pile up issues and eventually you’re at a point of no return, stuck in a swamp of negativity and pills. I suffer from heavy depression, not because of an illness, but rather because I was abused as a child, my father would take out his aggressions on me and beat me from year 7 to 14, when he finally left.

Part of me wishes I had a good father growing up, that I could have all those father son moments. But I never will, and no amount of medication or therapy will ever give me that.

But what I can do is understand why I am depressed, and surround myself with good people, and try to be as happy as I can be.

If you talk to your doctor he/she will admit that the medication is only to mask the issue while you work it out with a therapist, etc. I suppose it’s good, if the pain is too much to bear. But I avoid it.

And about God.. God is around, in your heart and mind. Listening. If your prayer is sincere and what you’re asking for is within God’s grasp, I’m sure God will answer your prayer, in one way or another. Just remember that God is about love, and love is about sacrifice. Asking for something without giving something is a sin, what you give should not be materialistic either.

God has not abandoned anyone, but rather the other way around. We live in a world that is all about being famous or getting money. People pray to God for nice cars, a hot wife, a huge mansion, a great job. Both America and Isis is killing in Gods name.

Maybe we’re just supposed to live our lives to the fullest, that would be dangerous though, and very sinful. Or perhaps life is a test, where our actions are judged.

I personally believe that life is where souls grow, and once your soul has fully matured it passes on to a sort of stratum where the soul will spend an eternity. And if a soul is not yet ready, it will seek a new vessel and be reborn. But that is just my own thoughts.

I agree that spirituality can become obsessive, and sometimes we wish for things to be greater than they actually are.. An old woman once told me I was the reincarnation of the Ascended Master Lord Hilarion, the fifth ray of healing and truth. She essentially put me up on the same level as Jesus.

It’s important to remember who you truly are, and you shouldn’t throw away your identity for anything, not Hilarion, Jesus or Neptune. We are all unique and we all hold the potential to do great things. 🙂

I hope you find a way to live your life without Codeine. I personally turn to marijuana for my emotional.. Troubles, as it makes me apathetic. Though I make sure to restrain myself as often as I can so I don’t become reliant on it. Masking your problems is never the way.

I apologize for rambling, sleepless night.

– “If I understand correctly, you believe the figurine really did and does turn toward you with its glowing blue eyes, this is not a visual hallucination?”

Yes, the Buddha figurine actually turns on it’s own. Some days it only turns a little bit, some days it does not turn at all. This particular night, it had done a 180 degree turn.

I have never seen it move with my own eyes, but I’m the only one in this room, no one could have moved it.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 4 months ago by Nirvair.
• This reply was modified 6 years, 4 months ago by Nirvair.

Well, it’s mostly auditory and visual hallucinations that I used to have.

Every time I move into a new place, the first morning I get a full on hallucination that lasts minutes. It’s always the same thing, a huge rumble, followed by a blinding light. I walk up to the window and look out and there’s a huuuuge explosion in the distance that’s quickly coming closer.  But as I accept it, it goes away.

I’ve seen hand drawn pictures of the sun (as if drawn by a child) pop up on my wall along with a loud static noise, only to disappear seconds later. I’ve seen floating toys and faces forming inside the walls. As I was out driving, a bridge melted just as I was driving under it.

All of my auditory hallucinations are also coupled with some kind of sleep paralysis.

The first time it happened I was trying to sleep. I hear a voice behind me, a man speaking to a woman in a deep and broken voice, all he said was “Are you certain about this one woman”. Then overwhelming fear came over me and I was stuck in sleep paralysis for a few minutes.

The second time it happened was again in bed, trying to fall asleep while facing the wall. A woman speaks to me in a soft voice “Don’t look behind you”. And then sleep paralysis kicks in, but it’s different this time. It’s not that I cant move, it’s that I’m being dragged out of bed, and pushed in under my bed. I managed to snap out of it just in time and somehow I was in bed again.

The third time it happened I was sitting at the computer, just playing a game. All of a sudden sleep paralysis kicks in and I cant move, my office chair is being dragged out of the room and towards the stairs. Something was trying to push me down. But again, I snap out of it just at the edge of the stairs and I’m back at the computer. I never fell asleep and I wasn’t tired.

All of the voices stopped after I had a heart attack and died for 15~ minutes. I still see people from time to time, most recently a really old, short yet sturdy man that stood next to my bed for a few minutes one night. He didn’t look at me once though, he just kept looking at the chimney.

These hallucinations are different compared to the Buddha figurine though, I know these hallucinations aren’t “real”.  The figurine turns at night and stays turned in the morning, the eyes keep glowing even after I look away for a while. It feels real.