Thank you, Mark and J – I have been thinking about this over and over for a while, so I guess deep down, the answer is there. I see it, and feel the change pulsing and the pull to make a move. I am just scared to leave such a comfortable and stable place. Losing a best friend and uprooting my life.

Would you have any thoughts on how to deal with S’s response? S usually shuts down, wont talk and sometimes even lashes out in anger. When this happened last year and we broke up for a couple months, I returned home to see a hole in a door, from a punch, and also pages from my journal wrinkled and tampered with. I found that when I saw S so upset and sad and at times crying, it put myself in pain; therefore rethought everything I felt and had just expressed verbally, to make S feel better.

Outside looking in, it’s like I lose the strength that I’ve been built up, when I see the pain on his face.

I’ve been trying to find a more grounding in my yoga practice and truly focusing on listening to my inner self, but I hear chatter; over-thinking and over-analyzing are daily struggles for me so going back and forth on what to do swirls in my head like a whirlpool.

It’s so hard to love myself right now. I feel so horrible about my feelings, and how my choices are going to crush someone I love.