I am sorry for your loss. The loss of the new love and the loss of your relationship with your wife. I would suggest getting counseling for yourself and for you as a couple. I think we are all looking for connection. Perhaps if you and your wife can resolve the unspoken issues between you that you could reconnect in priceless ways. Forgiveness of both yourself, your wife and Kate could offer you the peace it sounds like you are seeking. This is my humble advise. I wish you the best.