Thanks Anita .

I’m doing great on not interacting with him . Now I see it for what is was it makes it easier . Not doing too good on the eating front at the mo but not because of him .  But I’m aware so that’s a good thing .

Anita thsnk you again.  I had always ended up apologising to him for being needy or when I called him out on things when I felt he was unfair . He always had this knack of making me feel I was in the wrong . I knew at the time I should never have to apologise for telling some one how I felt .

my friend who knows about this said I’m still hurting and grieving the loss of someone I thought was a real friend because I opened up to him about everything, he tapped every vulnerability I had . In hindsight he opened up to me about practically nothing , an odd thing slipped through but from his side it was superficial stuff like what he was cooking for their dinner etc . She said because I felt close to him it will take me time to feel happy again.

Anita I don’t know really . Would hate to think it’s deliberately cruel to hurt me . But he knows it does so maybe .

Anyway he doesn’t know I still hurt or think about him like this . All he knows is I have created distance and have very limited contact now so I know I will get better

Anita I am sorry I did not reply before now . My daughter got covid and was quite sick . She is on the mend now . I also had a slight injury but recovered .

i am doing ok.  I told my friend I didn’t want to correspond with him for a while as he said he was taking his wife away for Easter. Yep he still gets under my skin .   Anyway of course I felt bad then for thinking I hurt his feelings so I messaged him after a few days but it gave me thinking time.   So I am in just casual correspondence now . He is away with his wife’s and we are just sending an odd email .  For aesthetic family reasons it’s best we keep a minimal contact otherwise it could cause awkward questions . He asked me would I like to go and stay with them for a weekend ( he does know I am lonely and helped me with stuff ) and I said seriously you expect me to go stay with you and see you and your wife together .  I declined and said it is very likely that even though we share an odd correspondence it is very unlikely we will meet again  unless it’s a funeral or something both of us need to attend .

I have decided to not let it bother me anymore to the extent I am overeating and wasting my time being miserable while he is off having fun .

I had a lovely day yesterday invited guests around . Today I am going shopping for groceries ( ugh lol ) and out tonight with my sister my husband and her husband. I am making a real effort to live my life . I joined my fitness pal and most days I am sticking to my calories and enjoying it . I lost a few lbs . I walk my dog daily and I am working pretty hard . Also inlaws need some caring .

i am angry at him mostly for allowing me to believe that I was important and a priority when all I really was going to be was an add on to excite him. He is happy go lucky . It never seem to bother him I pulled the plug nor that I wanted to not message any more . I actually think even though he told me he loved me and cared for me and worried about me it’s only when he had nothing else to think about .  It was all in the hope for perhaps exciting times .  I’m not that person .

thanks for letting me share here .  And sorry for late reply Anita . Bless you

@helcat no I would not blame my friend I would support my friend if it was the other way around

no I don’t feel a desire to leave my marriage now at all .  I  do feel relief nothing happened as the fallout would be horrendous.  I suppose I do feel guilty that I considered it .

thanks honey blossom .

Tommy  thanks it does help to write it all out . And it’s a reminder to me how wrong it would have been .

Anita

you summed it all up exactly right .  How appt on you are . He told me once that I would never be lonely again . It was words to make me feel special because he succeeded in making me feel lonelier than ever .  How I realised he still loved his wife was a few red flags . One I asked him at Christmas for a phone call and he told me he would not be able to talk to me for 3 weeks .  The second one which is where I copped on . He told me he was booking a 3 week holiday as a surprise for his wife’s birthday ( 60) . I realised then i couldn’t hurt his wife and I couldn’t hurt my family and really I couldn’t hurt myself anymore .   Yes Anita it again made me all alone watching from the outside looking in on happy families.

i have had a good day today . I didn’t overeat and I ate healthy . I worked really hard and spent time looking after my inlaws and cooking for them .

Thank you for all the comforting words .  Makes a difference.

Yes Anita thank you , you are right .  I ate as a child too in secret . My dad was an alcoholic and my parents fought .  They were good parents though mostly but I was always anxious.  I always tried to keep the peace and please them . I do that even now still in life . I am  Trying to do better now .