fbpx
Menu

Eating my emotions of shame

HomeForumsShare Your TruthEating my emotions of shame

New Reply
Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 34 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #394960
    Petalinthewind
    Participant

    Anita yes need to keep sane

    helcat thank you

    #395460
    Anonymous
    Guest

    I hope you are well, Petalinthewind!?

    anita

    #397971
    Petalinthewind
    Participant

    Anita I am sorry I did not reply before now . My daughter got covid and was quite sick . She is on the mend now . I also had a slight injury but recovered .

    i am doing ok.  I told my friend I didn’t want to correspond with him for a while as he said he was taking his wife away for Easter. Yep he still gets under my skin .   Anyway of course I felt bad then for thinking I hurt his feelings so I messaged him after a few days but it gave me thinking time.   So I am in just casual correspondence now . He is away with his wife’s and we are just sending an odd email .  For aesthetic family reasons it’s best we keep a minimal contact otherwise it could cause awkward questions . He asked me would I like to go and stay with them for a weekend ( he does know I am lonely and helped me with stuff ) and I said seriously you expect me to go stay with you and see you and your wife together .  I declined and said it is very likely that even though we share an odd correspondence it is very unlikely we will meet again  unless it’s a funeral or something both of us need to attend .

    I have decided to not let it bother me anymore to the extent I am overeating and wasting my time being miserable while he is off having fun .

    I had a lovely day yesterday invited guests around . Today I am going shopping for groceries ( ugh lol ) and out tonight with my sister my husband and her husband. I am making a real effort to live my life . I joined my fitness pal and most days I am sticking to my calories and enjoying it . I lost a few lbs . I walk my dog daily and I am working pretty hard . Also inlaws need some caring .

    i am angry at him mostly for allowing me to believe that I was important and a priority when all I really was going to be was an add on to excite him. He is happy go lucky . It never seem to bother him I pulled the plug nor that I wanted to not message any more . I actually think even though he told me he loved me and cared for me and worried about me it’s only when he had nothing else to think about .  It was all in the hope for perhaps exciting times .  I’m not that person .

    thanks for letting me share here .  And sorry for late reply Anita . Bless you

    #397976
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Petalinthewind:

    You are welcome, and it is good to read back from you no matter how long it takes you to reply. I hope that your daughter fully recovers from Covid.  I am glad that you joined a weight loss app (MyFitnessPal) and lost a few pounds, that you had a lovely day yesterday with guests and that you have a plan to go out tonight with your husband, sister and her husband.

    He is away with his wife… He asked me would I like to go and stay with them for a weekend (he does know I am lonely and helped me with stuff)” – when he suggested that you stay with him and his wife for the weekend, did he also suggest how you should explain a weekend absence to your husband? Or is it that your husband doesn’t care where you go and with whom you spend your time?

    anita

    #397992
    Petalinthewind
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    I don’t think my husband minds where I go tbh . He is very hard to get to go anywhere. I spemd lots of time on my own .  I will admit I became very envious of all the time my friend spends with his wife . It ate me up inside

    we had a good eve this eve with my family .

    i just wish I didn’t think of the other man so much .  The weird thing is I actually have huge dislike for him at times now and anger .  Some days . Other days I am good .  I am sure in time I will heal

    #397993
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Petalinthewind:

    Do you think this guy keeps telling you about spending time with his wife and treating her nicely, so to cause you suffer, knowing that your husband doesn’t care about spending time, etc.?

    anita

    #397996
    Petalinthewind
    Participant

    Anita I don’t know really . Would hate to think it’s deliberately cruel to hurt me . But he knows it does so maybe .

    Anyway he doesn’t know I still hurt or think about him like this . All he knows is I have created distance and have very limited contact now so I know I will get better

    #398003
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Petalinthewind:

    I am almost always interested in people’s motivations, in why they do/ say things. My best guess is that his motivation is to feel important, based on what you wrote here: “He portrays an image that he is important“.

    He told you things suggesting that he too was in a lonely marriage, and that you “would never be lonely again“, because he wanted to be important in your life. Then, there is another woman he works with, “takes her shopping and to appointments“, etc., so to be important in her life. He gives each woman what he believes that she needs at the moment: to no longer feel lonely and alone (you), to have someone take her shopping (the other woman), and to be taken on holiday vacations (his wife).

    We all need to feel important to other people, the difference between people is in how we go about trying to be important in other people’s lives: do we go about it honestly or dishonestly; with the short-term or the long-term in mind; in ways that are constructive or destructive to ourselves and to others.

    I have decided to not let it bother me anymore to the extent I am overeating and wasting my time being miserable… I had a lovely day yesterday invited guests around. Today I am going shopping… and out tonight… I am making a real effort to live my life. I joined my fitness pal and most days I am sticking to my calories and enjoying it… we had a good eve this eve with my family… I am sure in time I will heal” –

    – All this is very positive. Keep making yourself important in your own life by focusing on your life and making better and better choices for yourself… don’t put your time and energy into making him feel important.

    anita

     

    #398004
    Petalinthewind
    Participant

    Anita

    That last paragraph is so helpful. I have feeder his importance by being needy in the past . That is so helpful

    And now you have spelled it out that is what he does and also has been like . He does like to be important .

    #398005
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Petalinthewind:

    It is natural to need to be important to other people, but it’s not okay to feed this need at the expense of someone else. A lot of people feed this need at the expense of others: keeping others weak, needy and submissive, is one such unfair way of feeling important.

    anita

    #398119
    Petalinthewind
    Participant

    Anita thsnk you again.  I had always ended up apologising to him for being needy or when I called him out on things when I felt he was unfair . He always had this knack of making me feel I was in the wrong . I knew at the time I should never have to apologise for telling some one how I felt .

    my friend who knows about this said I’m still hurting and grieving the loss of someone I thought was a real friend because I opened up to him about everything, he tapped every vulnerability I had . In hindsight he opened up to me about practically nothing , an odd thing slipped through but from his side it was superficial stuff like what he was cooking for their dinner etc . She said because I felt close to him it will take me time to feel happy again.

     

    #398122
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Petalinthewind:

    You are welcome! “He always had this knack of making me feel I was in the wrong” – it’s a knack that many people have, a skill one person has to make another person feel in the wrong. It is easy to achieve when the other person already has a strong tendency to feel guilty, that is, to feel responsible for whatever is wrong.

    I had always ended up apologising to him for… when I called him out on things when I felt he was unfair” – his motivation was to let you know that calling him out on being unfair was wrong… so the right thing for you to do would be to accept his unfair behavior quietly, to submit?

    My friend who knows about this said I’m still hurting and grieving the loss of someone I thought was a real friend because I opened up to him about everything” – when we open up to someone, we invite the person in, giving a person access to our insides. The person given access can respect and honor this access or disrespect it and misuse it.

    In hindsight he opened up to me about practically nothing” – he gave you no access to his insides.

    She said because I felt close to him it will take me time to feel happy again” – you opened up to him, he used the access you gave him to hurt you, creating a wound, so it will take time for the wound to heal and to no longer hurt.

    I knew at the time I should never have to apologise for telling someone how I felt” – for the wound to heal, you must not give him any more access to you, such as sharing with him anything personal, including how you feel. How you feel is none of his business, he doesn’t deserve to know.

    anita

    #398154
    Petalinthewind
    Participant

    Anita
    I am literally in tears reading this . It’s so spit on every bit of it . I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders . I carry the load of my daughter and husband do they have less to carry . I am a people pleaser and it was easy option to apologise to him .

    he definitely disrespected my feelings and my emotions and insecurities.

    yes I could tell you what he cooked for dinner but really nothing about what made him tick . .

    yes Anita he will never know how I feel again or anything personal about me my thoughts and my my family .

    you are amazing for reading people

    #398203
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Petalinthewind:

    I wish you no longer carry the weight of the world on your shoulders! Please let your husband carry some, and your daughter too. Share the burden fairly with others so that you are not alone with it.

    Only don’t share anything with this guy who disrespected your feelings, emotions and insecurities which you shared with him. Good to read that he will never know how you feel again, or anything personal about you and your family- he proved himself unworthy of such a privilege!

    Thank you for your kind words and please post again about this topic, or any other and I will reply.

    anita

    #398471
    Petalinthewind
    Participant

    Thanks Anita .

    I’m doing great on not interacting with him . Now I see it for what is was it makes it easier . Not doing too good on the eating front at the mo but not because of him .  But I’m aware so that’s a good thing .

     

     

     

Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 34 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.