Hi Meowanna

When I read the title I saw I had to read your post because I was in that very same situation a couple of years ago.

Firstly, you need to have a sit down, like at a table, and discuss how your both going to contribute in the relationship. What is normally fair is to have each person contributes proportionally to their income. However, when incomes are substantially different you will have to agree to what you both think is fair. Maybe you take charge of groceries more or he agrees to pay more while you seek to improve your situation (and perhaps showing him every month how you are attempting to do so).

It pains me to say this but the outcome of your situation really is going to depend on how much your partner is capable of being empathetic. If he grew up with a silver spoon  or was very sheltered by his family, it is likely he will not understand how hard it is for you; he may even think you are lazy or aren’t doing enough (but know this only comes from his lack of life experience).

I myself grew up in extreme poverty. I mean the ghetto where all the girls got pregnant at 14 and the boys got into drugs and gangs. While I was attending night classes at university, and working a full time job as a receptionist, I applied for another job in a tech firm where I met one of the richest men from my city. We began dating and I eventually moved in with him. I barely made enough at the time to support myself let alone help him pay his million dollar condo.

I remember seeing eight-thousand American dollars in his sock drawer!! I told him it was not safe there and he shrugged it off saying it was only a little spending money. His biggest concern was a lawsuit against his condo for having installed a jacuzzi on his never ending balcony. While I was struggling to merely pay tuition fees. At one point we went out for dinner to a five star restaurant (which was his hang out) with friends where his rich friends wives were talking about buying 500$ jeans. My ex turned to me and said “yeah my girlfriend (meaning me) doesnt pay that on her jeans but she wastes her money on 10$ T-shirts like the one she is wearing now”.. I also once suggested around the holidays to volunteer with the soup kitchen and he said “charity begins at home” …lol I said under my breadth yes  because your home needs so much charity. lol

Needless to say his disconnect from reality was too much for me to handle and it caused many many fights. I literally screamed in our last fight telling him I wish he was just a regular guy and that I hated his money for what it did to him. I really did too… and still do to this day.

Now this was my relationship and its failure was mostly due to the fact that he could not understand me.  Privilege is something that many ignore.

You need to decide if your bf can, and if not I strongly suggest getting out because it could turn abusive FAST. If he does not understand your situation and how hard you have to work, if he shows no empathy, and if he starts paying more and more for things, he will start to control you (which is exactly what happened to me). First it will be small things like he will be the one to choose where you go out to eat (since he is paying) then where you live, then what clothes you wear, then who you see (they aren’t rich enough they cant afford to go out). He told me I was lazy and confused and that everyone of his friends were laughing at me for still being in school (I was 25 at the time which where I am from is pretty normal to still be at University).

So I suggest first having a good talk and see his reaction. If it is at all mean (dont ignore anything) get out. Your still young your 30. Dont let him put you down.

I hope it helps.

Regi,

Your father definitely cares about you. You need to realize that some people dont know how to process emotions, or even how to show they care. Some people in life don’t know how to ask others how their life is going; you must have had a good mother (or another adult) because you noticed this behaviour and you have realized it does not feel good. You are capable of showing emotion and being the father you never had.

Forgive your father because he was never given the chance that you were given that is, to realize just how to care and show others empathy. Your father is telling you that he is incapable of helping you in those areas of your life and you will learn that this is alright. Nobody is perfect. Realizing our parents aren’t perfect is hard but necessary. It might help to see it as a type of handicap that was imposed on him when he was a child by his father. What is important is it seems he has good intentions and does not seem abusive.

Do you want to feel better about your father? I had two that were pure evil. My real father left my mother before I was born and I never met him and my step father murdered my mother.

Trust me when I say your father is doing the best he can. 🙂

Name : are you getting therapy? Are you on antidepressants? are you exercising? if yes well have you tried… magic mushrooms? Yes, I just read an article a friend sent me that apparently there is a chemical in magic mushrooms that actually heals depression.

http://www.theguardian.com/science/2017/oct/13/magic-mushrooms-reboot-brain-in-depressed-people-study

🙂