I feel like by breaking up with him as well I’m allowing my OCD to win/control me – as breaking up with him isn’t what I actually want

Thank you so much for your reply.

My OCD does actually change to what I’m obsessing about at the time but at the moment, you’re right, it’s focused on my relationship. I have had counselling at a specialist clinic but still sometimes it’s so consuming and hard to control even with the right ‘tools’. And then of course, there’s the whole doubting yourself and “is it really OCD or am I using that as an excuse?” It’s exhausting.

My BF does know about it and is extremely supportive, takes me to counselling sessions and doesn’t get mad, just listens and comforts.

I just worry that I’m not ready for this relationship I guess and that I am in fact happier being single. Of course we all like a harmless flirt from time to time, but even just looking at a boy means I convince myself I’ve cheated.

Also, I have been with a few different guys since we broke up – I guess my way of coping (wasn’t interested in the sex side, but liked sleeping next to someone else) and I also feel extreme guilt from that and that entices my OCD too “see you do want to cheat, look how easy it was for you to move on”

I’m so tired.