Hi Anita – thanks for checking on me. I’m still struggling and I miss him a lot. I’m trying to let go of all my questions about why this happened and I have stopped blaming myself for his choices and mistakes. I am trying to focus on my own healing and signed up for an emotional healing retreat which I think might help me reset.

Hi Anita,

I’ve decided that knowing all the details won’t help me now. I have enough information. He lied and he cheated so the details would only make things worse for me. He emailed me yesterday which I had hoped would help but it did not. I don’t understand why this happened and he really won’t talk about it with me. He can’t face me.  I know I need to let go of the idea that I will ever understand what happened and start to move on with my life. But I’m finding that hard. I’m trying to take care of myself and see my friends but he is often in my thoughts.  I have to see him in person next month at a work conference and I am completely dreading that and hope I am in a better place by then.

Tricia

It’s official – I found out today that he’s been seeing someone else since early May. Yet he carried on visits / intimacy with me and we traveled together at least twice since then and he stayed with me two weeks ago. He’s been cheating on my and his new woman. I didn’t see this coming and now I know why he needs space.

Hi Helcat,

Thanks for your perspective. I’ve tried to be supportive while he is going through challenges by encouraging him to take care of himself, take a break and have some fun and make sure he isn’t being hard on himself. I think that I have misread this whole situation (see above post) and the emotional distance between us is because he is seeing someone else. I’ve devastated that this is how my relationship is ending.

Thank you Anita. I don’t think he wanted me to visit the weekend of his birthday. At this point, I think my trust is definitely dented. I am concerned about him and want to provide support but I think he needs to do some work on his own. I don’t think he’s afraid of me and I hope I haven’t created that situation. I think he’s afraid of facing the truth. The distance makes our relationship challenging at times and maybe he was afraid to tell me it’s just too hard. I have more questions than answers.

Anita,

I don’t quite understand your question exactly. I booked a trip to see him for his birthday and he told me he was going away for the weekend with his friends. That was no big deal at all. I just adjusted my trip to see him when he got back. He said he was in Spain with his friends and he was really at home. But he texted me flight details and was telling me all about his trip while he was away.  So he created this fake trip so he could have his birthday with his friends. This is the part I don’t get. Why not just say that to begin with?  Hope that clears up why I’m confused.