There is quite a bit going on here. Maybe do things a tiny bit at a time. Would some counselling be helpful for the anxiety? Support outside the family can be very useful. You might not get an idea of who you are and what you would love until the anxiety settles down a bit and you can imagine life without it. Focus on bringing a few small pleasures into your life to appreciate – maybe a few flowers in a vase or a print of something that makes you feel calm. Don’t worry about what you might want to do- just notice those odd moments when you feel that inner tug of excitement – that will give you a clue.
Practice being brave once a day – do one thing you have been putting off.
Reading the language of your post it is obvious that you would rather go home to France. Can you talk to you ex-partner about the ramifications of this? What would her expectations of your support for your children be? You obviously love your children too and want the best for them. Is your ex-partner happy contemplating life without you in the same country? Is it really impossible to get ahead economically where you are? It is sometimes just not possible to make everyone happy so you may have to go for the best compromise you can create.
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