Hi Helcat,

Thank you for replying again.

Thankfully, for the pregnancy, the high levels of anxiety have reduced now and I am feeling less stressed. It’s interesting what you say about cortisol – this makes a lot of sense. I’m doing more research about giving birth and parenting, which is helping me feel less overwhelmed.

Thank you for your kind words about empathy in the situation – I’m trying to apply this to myself and trying to see that it felt as though I was a completely different person then. I’m trying to show kindness to the previous versions of myself – after all, they effectively got me where I am now. I would be far kinder to a friend if they were going through a similar situation. I don’t want to drag up old feelings for my husband in bringing this up again.

I read something very similar recently about how a bad parent wouldn’t be so worried about being a good parent, and that did provide some comfort –  thanks for reiterating this!

We have most things we need in preparation for the baby – it’s feeling very real 🙂

Dear Helecat,

Thank you very much for your reply, I appreciate your kindness.

I’m currently in my third trimester, physically the symptoms have been ok, it’s just really taking its toll mentally.
<p style=”text-align: left;”>I think you’re right – I do feel like I’ve failed my husband and I think it’s effecting how I feel I can be a mother. It all feels a bit too good to be true and that I don’t deserve this happiness because of my previous actions – specifically because I wasn’t forthcoming with the whole truth for reasons explained previously.</p>
Self forgiveness is really difficult for me but it’s something I hope to work on in therapy. I like the idea of reframing my fears and thinking about how that makes me want to parent. I’m thinking now that I would just like the baby to arrive so that I know a bit more about what I’m dealing with, and it’s not so uncertain.

Thank you very much again for your response.