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    @ Kristopher and Arient

    Thank you very much for your words. There’s been another twist in the story now. He emailed me last week and apologized and poured in all kinds of words. But for some reason I never felt like responding to his email or talk to him. I felt that he is trying to gain sympathy. He told me that he is having a surgery (supposedly heart surgery) and he has realized all his mistakes from the past and sincerely wanted to apologize and he asked me to forgive him if possible. I have decided not to go back to him no matter what because I am having a hard time trusting this guy. Even now, I don’t know if that surgery is true or if he is just bluffing to get me back. How do I get him to stop emailing me and texting me? I haven’t text him in almost 7 months now and he still keeps on texting me. I don’t want this nightmare to sabotage my future. Any suggestions??


    Hi All,

    To all those who have posted their stories, let me ask y’all a question. Though I have been comforting other people on this site, I still feel confused about the situation I was in. I have told my story briefly above and my ex was one of those guys who would leave me without giving me any explanation and later come back to me after a few months. This has happened several time over the last 8 years and I have lost count. He would give me reasons like my parents don’t like you, my sister thinks you are not beautiful enough to marry me, I don’t deserve you, I am ruining my parents health because of you and this relationship, I made a mistake by loving a person like you, I flunked in school because of you etc etc etc. But almost 9 months ago on my birthday he apologized to me for being an a*****e and said all nice things to me and told me that he will make things right and talk to his parents about me. I have been forgiving him and accepting him everytime he came back to me without questioning him why he left me. But when he talked to his parents, they easily agreed and his dad told me that if he had said this sooner, we probably would be married earlier. So, that made me realize that he was lying to me the whole time and telling me all sorts of bullshit stories. At that point, I was confused as to whether I want to marry him or not because he was lying to me, had never been nice to me and he would say good things about me once in blue moon. So, I asked him to give me some time and he refused. He instead called his dad, put him on conference call, made a big mess out of it everyday and would send me texts like “if you don’t reply then I will marry some other girl”, “i will marry a girl better than you in all aspects” etc etc. I was PISSED off big time coz I waited for this jerk believing all his stories for eight years, helped him pay his loans off, stood by him at all times and he told me all these things coz I asked him for some time to think if I wanted to do this. I did not respond to any of his texts because I was really upset with the way he created a mess out of everything. I had reached a point where I couldn’t take it anymore. He had abused me emotionally for a long time and I had lost myself completely. I felt like he will never treat me right and never respect me or my parents. I wanted to say a lot of things to him but I just cut it off without saying anything. He constantly apologized after I told him that he doesn’t deserve me but I was afraid to give him another chance as I felt he will break my heart again with his harsh words and demeanor. He is so full of himself and his family. The worst part is he knows that his behavior towards me is not right. He accepts that he is rude, short tempered, doesn’t support me emotionally but still continues to do it and expects me to bear with it forever. I had told him many times that he should let go of his anger and treat me right but he never did. I told my parents about this guy almost four years back and when they were willing to meet him he backed off. I went to my home country twice just because he said he will meet my parents and he did not, instead he told me to go back to US. He has broken my heart beyond repair a million times and I don’t have the strength or the courage to let him break it again. Honestly, I don’t know what the truth is. If his parents had issues with me from the beginning or not, if his sister said all those words or not and if he ever loved me truly or not. But lately, I have been getting nightmares about this guy and even though he is not in my life, my life is still miserable dreaming about him most nights. May be he was serious about me and wanted to mend his mistakes, I don’t know. All that I wanted was sometime. But exactly 2.5 months later he sent me a text saying that he is marrying another girl and again I don’t know if its true or not. Inspite of all this he makes me feel guilty and blames me for breaking up. I just felt that he won’t be there for me, he doesn’t love me, there was a gut feeling within me which said don’t do it. I was feeling so uncomfortable because he was so demanding. I was scared that if this is his behavior now then he will continue to behave this way or even worse once we are married. I had tolerated all this nonsense for so long that I broke down one day and was just rude to him, scolded him left and right and said he doesn’t deserve me and then never looked back since then, never tried to contact him in anyway. What do y’all think? Did I do anything wrong by cutting him off like that?


    Dear Steve,

    Sometimes we go through experiences that we never would have imagined in our wildest dreams and I guess it’s because those experiences will only help us grow stronger. I know it’s a very difficult place to be in and I am very sorry that you are going through all this. Firstly, you should let go of all your anger, hate, resentment towards your ex because its pure negativity and it will not help you move further in life. I know its not easy but you should try. Let go of all your anger and negative emotions. Just close your eyes and talk it all out. Next, be grateful that by going away she has given you an opportunity to find true love. May be you are destined to be with a wonderful woman who loves you truly. Take baby steps everyday. Everyday is a new beginning. The sun rises every morning without fail just to remind people who have lost hopes that it’s a second chance to start over again. Everytime your ex crosses your mind, thank her for giving you an opportunity to find true love. Your ex might have friends and people flocking around her but the question is does she have a clear conscience? Absolutely not.
    Make sure you don’t neglect your children. You don’t want all this to affect them and their future in anyway. There’s lot of peace in solitude so don’t worry about being lonely. Find the friend within you. Make a list of ten things everyday that you are grateful for. It can be your children, their smile, your life. Hope the best for you and your children. Each and every moment is a beginning. Every moment you think of the past, you are wasting a moment to create a beautiful future. You have all the power within you to create the destiny you want and you can do it by being positive and hopeful and stay strong. God will bless good people with nothing but the best and I am sure your blessing is on the way. Till then don’t give up on hopes and faith. No matter who is there with you or not, trust that god will always be on your side. Be the best you can be and the best will come looking for you and your children. Lastly, I am going to leave my favorite poem from Paul “Bear” Bryant:
    This is the beginning of a new day
    God has given me this day to use as I will
    I can waste it or use it for good
    What I do today is very important because I am exchanging a day of my life for it
    When tomorrow comes this day will be gone forever
    Leaving something in its place I have traded for it
    I want it to be gain, not loss – good, not evil
    Success, not failure, in order that I shall not forget the price I paid for it.
    I hope this will help you every morning to give nothing but the best. I wish that your life will be all that you expected and more :). May god bless you and your children.


    You are welcome dear :). I shared my story just so that you know that there are a lot more people out there who are in the same boat as you are. When they can come out of it and be happy then so can we. I wish you the best 🙂


    Hi Katherine,

    I have experienced something similar to Phil in my relationship with my ex boyfriend. He took me for granted for 8 years and used me for all that he wanted and mistreated me with no regrets. As Phil mentioned, its because we fail to draw a line in our relationships with others. It took me a while to realize that what he was doing to me was emotional abuse. As you said, he was so friendly and cheerful with everybody in the world except me. He would call me names, control me all the time, excessively possessive, liar, manipulative, hurt me and make me cry every single day and lot more. But after all this experience I have realized that I should make myself clear and draw boundaries and not let people take me for granted. I guess sometimes we go through such experiences to learn something. It’s hard for me to forgive him and all the things he has said and done. But I am trying my best to let go not for his sake but my sake. I read somewhere that when you forgive others, your life becomes much easier and peaceful. So, try to forgive all that they did even though its not easy and be grateful that you got learn a great lesson in life about setting boundaries and not letting people take you for granted. I am so sorry that you had to go through all that but I am sure you are a stronger woman now 🙂


    Hi there Arient,

    I am in the same boat as you are but with a lot of twists and turns in the story. But I am really happy where I am today and I hope to find a guy who will love me with all his heart and treat me right. You story literally reminded me of my past.

    My story is way too long but here it goes. I met him for the first time when I was in my sophomore year in college. I was never into guys and dating from the beginning as I was very academic oriented girl and din want to fall into all this at that age. He was in my class and I had hardly spoken to him but I believe he was noticing me all the time and liked me. He finally came and proposed to me out of the blue. Initially I was very hesitant as I too focused on my education, career etc etc but somehow I gave in. Everything was perfect for a year (I must say it was a fairytale story). Everyone in college knew about us and they envied us as a couple. I was on cloud nine and everyday was nothing but happiness and joy with him around me all the time. The problem was I never let this distract me from my academics but he did. He flunked in school and everything changed after that. He started blaming me for that and all of a sudden he started avoiding me and one day he randomly said he wants to break up with me. His reason was – my parents think you are not beautiful, he accused me of being ugly when in reality I am not. I felt so betrayed, humiliated, insulted. I felt like I lost everything in my life. I have no words to describe how I felt. This really got onto me and I started to lose weight like crazy as I would spend most of my days and nights crying and worrying how he could do this to me. I was admitted to the hospital twice because of weakness. But I somehow mustered all my courage, not for my sake but for my parents sake because they were really hurt to see me in that situation. Even though my heart was wounded, I knew that I had let go of my goal of going for a higher education go astray because of all this. So, I decided to focus on my life again. I prepared for my entrance exams and it was time for me to pursue my dream of going to grad school even though I was still shattered and so much in pain. I had to leave my parents and my country. Right before leaving, he text me and apologized and said that he wants me in his life and he would do anything to have me in his life.
    Before I met him, I was a very confident, talented and strong girl but once I got into this relationship, I had to let go of all my interests, dancing, friends and more. He wasn’t letting be myself but I was so much in love that I couldn’t see what he was doing to me.
    So, I forgive him and decide to give it another try. By that time he had flunked one more time (even though I wasn’t there in his life to distract him as he had accused me earlier). So, he had moved to my hometown to work until school started again (which he hid from me, god knows why). Anyways, I moved to US and preparing myself to start grad school. I was so excited about coming here and I would try to email me as and when I could but he would hardly respond and that would break my heart waiting for his response eagerly. I would try to call him from my cousins phone and he would hardly answer. I missed him a lot and I wanted his support but he was never there for me. He would always say something insensitive and hurt my feelings. He would never be a part of any of my accomplishments. My first day of grad school, it was a different experience in a different country and I wanted to share it with him so eagerly, he never bothered to ask me anything about it. I was awarded a full time scholarship and as usual he never bothered, I received an award as a best researcher and was sent to present my findings at an international conference, again don’t care attitude. I got an internship with a good company, again don’t care attitude. I graduated with a summa cum laude and our graduation ceremony was streamed online and he gave me reasons why he din watch it. I got a full time job and bought a new car, he din help me pick a car or with anything literally. Somebody tried to break in to my apartment and I was scared and crying but he never gave me a call to check if I was safe. I was craving for his love, his support, his appreciation the whole time but he never gave me what I deserved. If I said anything he would always threaten me saying he would break up with me and he is so handsome that he will find many girls. I foolishly kept giving in to all his temper tantrums and let him treat me wrong for eight long years. I was determined to have him in my life but I was just an option in his life. I sacrificed my whole life to live the way he wanted me to live and he would still doubt me and say nasty things to me. By this point, I had lost all my confidence, I was scared to talk to people because of his false accusations, I wouldn’t step out of the house coz if I did not answer his call or text him when he did I would be in big trouble and he would threaten to leave me. I felt so uncomfortable leading a life like this and was so confused and messed up. I lost my apetite, sleep, peace of mind. This relationship consumed me in every possible way. He was never there for me when I wanted him. Everytime I would see other couples happily and madly in love, I would ask myself why is this happening to me? He was literally using me for all that he and his friends wanted. I felt so lost and gave up all hopes on love and relationships. After breaking up a zillion times and coming back to me (For 8 long years he would tell me that the reason for break up was his parents aren’t accepting me), he finally spoke to his parents about me and they agreed. I got a chance to talk to his dad once they agreed and his dad said that “If he had told me earlier about you, then it wouldn’t take so long”. That’s when it made sense to me and I felt like I was hit with a brick – He was lying to me the whole freaking time. That’s why he wouldn’t come to the airport when I went to see him twice, he wouldn’t care for me or my situation or my emotions. That’s why he would find reasons not to call me, not to video chat with me, not to text me. I can go on and on but I hope you get the gist. That’s when I gathered all my courage and I broke up with him and told him that he doesn’t deserve me. He had his share of drama but I had decided not to yield in again and fool myself. I know I deserve much much better and will find my soulmate and true love.
    My advice to you: If a guy decides to break up, don’t keep pleading him to take you back or feel sorry for yourself. It means that he doesn’t deserve a wonderful girl like you in his life. You will find a guy who will treat you right and keep you happy. Don’t waste your tears and time for a person who doesn’t deserve it. If I had listened to all my friends and parents when they told me to let go of him, I wouldn’t have to go through so much pain. But I learned my lesson a hard way and now I am living my life to the fullest. Freedom feels fantastic!!! I am back in touch with all my long lost friends, I am dancing again 🙂 I am doing a lot of fun and adventure stuff, life is good. At times, I think about him and ask myself if I should give him another chance. But then I tell myself if I give him another chance then I won’t be myself for the rest of my life. So, the answer is NO. I gave him way too many chances and he did not live upto it.
    Stay positive and be happy girl. A lot of people go through what we have been through and if they can find their soulmate and lead a happy life then so can we. Above all, god knows what’s best for you and he will deliver it to you when the time is right. Till then enjoy your life and keep smiling. Lastly, thanks for reading my lonnnnngggg story. God bless you 🙂


    dear little dreamy,

    I completely understand your situation because I have been through the same thing and it took me eight years before realizing that he was cheating on me and lying to me the whole time. I am just a year older than you are. I was in a long distance relationship for almost 4 and half years and before that I was in a relationship with the same guy for four years. I loved him more than I loved myself and gave him my best in all aspects. As you mentioned, whenever I visited my home country, all that he wanted from me was sex. He never bothered to ask how I was or how things are in my life. He was very disrespectful, emotionally abusive, rude, short tempered, no kind words, no hugs, no cuddles except for I want sex which fortunately I denied. He told me that his parents don’t like me because I am not good looking, I am skinny, I am dark complected, I am not giving him any kind of sexual pleasure. I was so depressed, lost myself, lost my confidence, lost my self esteem, isolated myself from everyone and I felt like a loser because of all the words he said to me. So, I know how disgusting it feels everytime that person crosses your mind. He was extremely controlling, possessive, doubted me every single day and my life was nothing but a hopeless mess for eight years. He would break up with me and come back to me when he wanted money or some material things and I have literally lost count of how many times he has done that. I can’t believe I was so gullible all these years to all the lies he weaved. I was so deeply and madly in love with him that I was completely heartbroken, din’t want to see him or guys at all.

    But then I realized that it’s my life and I shouldn’t get bitter just because one person din treat me right. I decided that I don’t want to waste anymore precious time thinking about him or all the wrong he did to me. I know I should let it all go not for his sake but for my own peace and happiness. There are plenty of gentlemen out there who will love you for who you are and treat you right. Be thankful that you did not marry him to discover later that he did not deserve you. You would be more devastated if that would have happened. It’s a blessing in disguise. Thinking about him and being depressed won’t take you anywhere in life. Just think about him, he found someone and he is happy with no regrets in life. Why should you cry for him. It’s time that you enjoy and live your life too. You have something much much better in store for you and that is the reason things did not work out with a loser like him. Trust me girl, you will find a man who will love you with all his heart. I am in the same situation as you and all I am doing is hoping and praying that I find my man when the time is right. Now, I am focusing completely on my life and not living a life that he wanted me to live. Hang out with your friends, go out and do things you enjoy doing, go to a spa, groom yourself, have a positive self talk for a few minutes everyday, try something fun and interesting which you always wanted to do, be happy and lastly smile 🙂 because you are you for a reason and nobody can be you. You are beautiful just the way you are :). You know what, I had a photo shoot recently just for fun and each and every person who saw my pics told me I am gorgeous and beautiful and I should try modeling ;). So, don’t let one person who has lost his brains decide your beauty or life. Be patient with yourself and life honey. There are plenty of books which will uplift your spirit and motivate you, get into the habit of reading. God has nothing but the best for you. The man of your dreams is out there somewhere, you just haven’t crossed paths yet. I am sure he will come in to your life soon and you will be happier than ever. Savor every moment of your life. May god bless you. Keep SMILING coz you never know who will fall in love with you and your smile 🙂

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