Hi Kadija,

I just wanted to check up and see how you are doing?
How is the progress into finding yourself?
I am sure you have had bad days but do you feel as though you are progressing?

Hi Kadija,

Weldon you are already on your way to recover ” today its the first time in months that I cared about my appearance and look in the mirror to reveal a truly beautiful lady staring back at me”. This is new for you, this is a realization that you have come to after so long. This is a big step.
Everyday do something good for yourself as little as it may be from getting a facial to eating a really healthy meal.
Focus: Look at your beautiful son telling you he will help you. Look at the way he cares for you. Focus on him, transfer the energy you would put into your ex back into your son.
It is very hard i know, I was in my relationship for 8 years. I feel your pain. Though i have accepted what i thought could have been and should have been is no longer the case instead i will focus on the future and imagine a happier life for myself.
Being down this road of recovery i want to tell you there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Finding yourself will be the best experience you will have in your life. One that may save you from bad relationships in the future.
If you have issues from the past seek counselling. Be true to yourself 100%..
Do not think you are a bad person, by doing this you are only giving yourself an excuse to justify his wrong doings. He did love you, he did care for you but what you lacked was that you wanted him to put in as much love and effort as you were putting in. Don’t ever think less of yourself.

steps to finding yourself:
Here are a few things that have helped me

Get the movie ” the diving bell and the butterfly”. And extremely moving movie about life and death. It will inspire you.
Keep yourself busy. I have picked up walking again, i walk and hour every day. It makes me feel amazing also toning my body.
BREATH, Meditate. Start small. Every morning. Try something like this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aglh1EoAgGE, i follow one by Gillian Ross called stress away stress. Its amazing how good you feel.
Meet new friends. I posted an add online and i come come a cross a bunch of great girls.
Do something new everyday that will help to build you, from reading a book to going to see a movie or trying a new recipe.
Give yourself a little bit of time everyday to be sad over it. Then slowly from 20 mins cut it to 19mins and then 18 etc, baby steps.
Put value into yourself.
You will make it.
By the end of it, you will be stronger and wiser. Focus on that.
YOU WILL MAKE IT. 🙂

Well said 🙂

One advice that i have learnt the hard way “never make anyone your world for once they are gone you are left with nothing”.

Yes the girl could have motives, but then you have started to notice change. Would he let you look at his phone? see who is messaging?

Because you love him it is very hard for you to leave. So there is no point to look for evidence as you have stated you will forgive him and believe me once he sees how easy he has it he will do it again. You either face it and do something about it or let it go. Truly you are not going to have a peace of mind for a while.

Just love yourself and be strong.

Hi Kadija,

I read your story, I sympathize with you and feel your pain as i went through a similar situation and now in recovery mode (getting over the break up)

I have come to learn a few things,
1. We are where we are by choice. You have chosen to stick around. You sound sad and depress and unhappy with no enthusiasm for life. So what are you going to do about it? stick around longer and watch and see how nothing changes? or leave, pick up the peaces, figure out who you are and what you what out of life.
2. He is the way he is because he chooses to be. He may give a a million reason to why he cant change or why he is the way he is yet he wont put the same energy or effort into changing his ways.
3. Your child is more important. Don’t ever allow any one to disrespect you in front of your child. NEVER. Think of the pain your son feels when he sees it. How would David feel if someone disrespected his mother in the same manner. Have dignity. Love yourself, Who is he to speak to you that way?
4.Don’t have pity on yourself or be the victim. It is what it is, but it doesn’t have to be this way any more. CHANGE. Be courageous. Imagine your son in your shoes… What would you tell him.
5. Be courageous. Don’t force a situation or relationship that just isn’t working out. Let it go. He wants a mother to look after him not a partner to share a life.

You will find your happiness, you will find your peace of mind. And most of all you will find a love that you are happy with. But i highly suggest you find yourself first.

Read what you wrote and you have your answer right there. For once follow your mind and not heart.:-)