Hi Anita,

Thank you for your reply. Of course in the ideal world, we’d all be able to sort out our problems by having adult conversation. Unfortunately, this is real life, and I’m sure everywhere, if the discrimination is not extreme, people tend to sweep it under the rug. You just don’t want to rock the boat or be a killjoy, to be that one person who always calls everyone else out on their crap.

In the ideal world, you’d call people out and they’d realize what they’ve been doing wrong and wise up. In real life, not everyone can do that. Most people who have benefited from social prejudice also would never knowingly relinquish their privileges so that social justice can be done.

Thank you, Anita.

Yes, I did say I was generally happy in the sense that I’m not in a life-or-death situation, I’m not threatened in any way, and I don’t fear for my safety or well-being, but I think I need to assess whether those equal happiness.

I’m not trying to make light of domestic violence but I think sometimes it’s easier to walk away from a violent relationship than the kind of relationship that I have now, which is essentially a good friendship. I feel like I’m not getting what I’m looking for in a partner, but she is still a good friend. We started off that way, FYI. And also, the long term thing. We’ve gone through so much and to think of throwing it all away…so, in the back of my mind I’m forever wondering if maybe I should just be patient, maybe I should just stick it out, maybe she’ll come to her senses.

Hello, Anita

Yes, I have a lot of talks with her. Too many, perhaps, that it begins to feel repetitive with no discernible outcome. I know relationship is not about keeping score but I must admit it feels very crappy to have to wait for her to come to her senses. every. damn. time. (Coming out of the closet is only one of the many things she’s afraid of but not willing to admit).

I don’t know what’s the right word, timid, perhaps? Which kills me because inside this safe bubble of ours, she’s so full of life, she’s funny, and smart but she’s afraid to show that outside, and she’s dragging me to the bubble with her, and I’m not sure I want that.

And for those of you who think I should be more compassionate and helpful, I’m not a babysitter, okay? I have to reiterate that this isn’t the first time that something like this has happened. She’s got many fears and insecurities that I’ve helped her overcome over the years, yet, she doesn’t seem to learn from those. When she is crippled by a new fear, she will let it overwhelm her until I point that out to her.

About this coming out of the closet thing, it’s not like she’s afraid of being ‘known’, it’s just she doesn’t trust her own instinct and afraid of the possibility of coming out to the wrong person and having to be responsible of the consequences. I was out in my previous company. I was the one who came out and my boss knew about us and often invited her to company functions. So it wasn’t really about being known, but she would only do that if she knew it was ‘safe’, and it’s putting a lot of burden on me.

Hello!

Thank you so much for all the replies, I really appreciate it.

Corporate world is tough and I am trying my best not to lose my sense of decency, even though these lately it feels like I am hanging by a thread.

I am not really upset because I think this is personal, it’s only a small part of it, if any. We’re not that close honestly but I’d like to think I have worked with him long enough to deserve more respect than that. I think I cringe at the paranoia that led him to behave this way. He could’ve said “I’m sorry, it’s not for me to say” or “Could you contact the authority if you have any clarification?” and I would’ve understood.

I don’t know why he chose to go down the passive-aggressive route. Has that worked out so well for him before? I know I have gone down that route myself before and it always led to more confusions, more negative feelings, more hurt, and I would feel less like a good person afterwards even though it would’ve felt good temporarily for my ego.

How are we to work as a team after this? I would certainly be more wary of him from now on. I have stopped crying over this but I can’t say I’m ecstatic to go to work.

P.S. Thank you so much for the suggestions on how to deal with this professionally, I would certainly take note and apply them at work. I just still haven’t been able to shake off this…disgusted feeling in the pit of my stomach. I’m sure all of you know what I’m talking about.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 5 months ago by Priscilla.

I clicked on the link and suddenly there was this big guy rushed to my screen to give me a big hug.

Just what I needed ^_^
Thanks!!

I strangely felt warm and cuddly. Never knew this site existed, thanks for letting us know about it.

Cheers & Love!

Oh, wow, Lily, that was some hard times you were going through! I’m glad you are able to look back on it now and see something positive and that it all worked out for you in the end.

I do believe time heals and like you said, in a couple of months it won’t matter. However, the wound is still fresh now, that’s why it’s hard and your encouraging words are what I truly need now. Thanks for the hug, lemme hug you back!

Cheers & Love!