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Priyanka S

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  • in reply to: Emotionally unavailable men #362010
    Priyanka S
    Participant

    Hi Bill,

    Thanks for your response.

    This guy says that he had a relationship where the girl was dating two/three people and never told him. when he confronted her, she denied. Then after some time she was getting engaged and suddenly he was cut off from her life.

    When we started talking he told me that he is over it. later one day he told me that he is not over it and we should hold because he doesnt want to do anything just to fill the void. he told this after 6 months to me. Then again one day he was back and initiating intimate talks. He didnt ask me if we can start again. I didnt really speak up for myself or question him about it. We didnt talk much. We again started talking after 5 months and when he would be emotionally available he would interpret it as me wanting commitment, which wasnt the case. I just wanted to know him and be into something which i was doing. Anyway, then he started telling me that he was looking for an open relationship. I could have left but my fixation with things kept me there. Then one day, he was casually talking to me when i got to know that he is seeing someone. i got very angry. for the first time, i told what i actually felt, not completely but still i tried. we discontinued talking. He was back after 3 months when he broke up with that girl. I asked what happened, he said its complicated. i stil felt like shouting and but i didnt. We talked, he was still emotionally unavailable, but this time he was telling that he wanted to have a serious relationship. I felt very angry that i m not an object that u can decide that i want this now or i want that now. But i still didnt say anything. I kind of still wanted it. After that, he was emotionally responsive, more than before, but not enough. I was still feeling miserable. So, i stopped it. Something happened to me, and i decided to ask him about all that happened before and why he did what he did. When i asked him he took no responsibility of anything, he said that it was all too hazy for him because its in the past and why am i venting. i felt so insulted that i didnt really ask all the things.

    I just  left, blocked him everywhere and decided that i was done with being insulted, humiliated and treated poorly.

    I changed cities for this guy only when he asked once, i know thats my fault. But i feel so bad for myself and feel like i dont value myself enough. i think he will not even remember that he ever asked me to move if i tell him. i came to aconclusion now.

    But because of all this, i am just very bitter toward everybody especially men.

    one good thing out of this is because he didn’t take responsibility, i understood where i went wrong. and i should have prioritized myself over everything.

    but i dont want a bitter life, i want a,loving and healthy relationship. Sometimes i feel that i gravitate towards stuck situations like the above.

     

    I have stopped all communication, deleted the contact, so that there is no chance that any communication happens but it s still on my mind. I am not able to get it out of my mind.

     

    Thanks.

    in reply to: Emotionally unavailable men #362008
    Priyanka S
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Thanks for your response.

    I am a highly emotional and sentimental person. Before, I go in a relationship with anyone, i need to be emotionally connected. I think the emotional/empath part of me is so developed that even if i havent met the person i can still have/develop quite emotional feelings about the person.

    After this happened with me twice, i understood that i need to meet the person and then decide for myself that i want to move ahead with this or not. I am still working on it. This is tough for me because this is against my real nature.

    I wanted to tell that before this another thing happened where there was another guy, we knew each other from 2 years, same office. I liked him. i made it too big into my head. When i confessed it to him, he said that he also liked me. At the same time, he had to move to another country. We talked on messages on phone. Because i am so emotionally attuned to the other person, i kind of expect the other person to do the same. if i dont get it, i am not able to reciprocate anything or move forward with the relationship, i m stuck. So, i kind of stayed stuck. he used to tell me that he had no plans of marriage and all in near future, which i was fine with, i was also not looking for marriage then, i just wanted to date. in next four months, he met somebody in the place there he was, in 6 months they got enagaged, 9 months married and 12 months they had a kid. He was 11 years older to me. He told me that his now wife knew about us. I dont know wat happened there. He said it wuldnt have worked due to age issues and all. At the end, he agreed that it was is fault and it was is mistake that he didnt make things clear.

    I wasnt out of this when the second thing, which i mentioned in first question. I was also in denial that it didnt matter much to me, so what if he got married , its fine. I started talking to this second guy just after the first thing ended, so i was unknowingly deperate. Desperate for love, affection, attention. I figured out later that i wasnt eating, i was depressed and i also had anxiety.

    I am reserved and take my time to open but i have a high emotional quotient.

    I have a hard time letting go. With the second guy, i did have intimate conversations a lot of time and i met him in an intimate setting once but i dont know what i was looking for? or why i am so fixated. i would myself like to move and forget about it.

    I want it to work because it is not working. i wouldnt want anything which works good on its own. I dont know what this personality trait is?

    I ahve met a therapist and I am working on it. I have moved ahead a lot but its still there, its on my mind most of the day. i am not as depressed and anxious due to it. but its there.

    Thanks

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