OK TR

Dear TR,

I agree…
But please listen to me for a second.. from the third page onwards i am trying to listen what u guys are telling.. becoz i am know u guys have been through similar or tougher situations…

i just said to matt that apart from meditation i am doing the other suggestive tips given by u guys initially…

and i asked matt why i feel awkward when my friends ring me up….
several times i have mentioned, that there are people who are going through several situation that i am facing today….

with prayer
RA

thanks TR,

I didnt intend to be negative in my statements…neither i tried to argue…true that i have lot of questions and doubts..but i didnt argue….
but after reading Matt’s sentence, i felt a sense of darkness around me. a sense of hopelessness..

thanks Matt,

My fears are based on my experiences with certain people, my cousin she indeed has always rejected me for not being fair.. At that time i was 8 years old and she was 24 years old. but now yes she has changed a lot.. i admit it and accept it..

I am not making excuses for not doing meditation…see here houses are clustered and we dont have parks..its a village/town…we just have main roads and highway…
apart from meditation i do try to listen more, smile more and try to understand.. i know that meditation will help a great ..but my environment is not supportive..

When any of my friends try ringing me..i start feeling awkward/hesitation to attend and feel something upsetting… because i feel that they will cheat me or calling for their personal advantage.. all those people i loved used me, cheated me based on that..i feel uneasy or difficult to release the feel when phone rings..
apart from meditation any other suggestions

No dear, not about being scary..

i dont know how to explain or communicate, this is one other problem i face, poor communication..

i know the problems underlying within me and also aware that its ME alone can only change it. But why the mind want to remain in that depressed situation.. I dont know whether the mind really wants to get out.. or its just faking me…

i think that even though 3 decades went off but i still can make it. so that the rest of my life will be productive and can spread happiness to others,,,

thanks TR

But i always have a resistance towards everything may be its attending phone call, talking with people, going out even though i love all those.. and atlast i feel emotional, guilty,bad , resistance for not doing the things..

I always expect people to give their attention to me.. i want them to ask why i am dull or force me to do this or that..

I read a recent thread of Manoj Thankur.. i felt that his and problems are similar…..

sorry jas

U started asking me to be honest..whether i do the meditation or not ..
I want to change myself but this is what is happening and i did say in the earlier threads regarding the limitation of doing doing meditation…
I have seen ur replies to other threads, very simple and soft..
i expect the same affection from u..

this is what happens when i communicate with someone, they dont understand, get irritated and then leave me hopeless forever..

anyhow whatever suggestion u have provided with i ll follow and thanks for directing me to BK Shivani, Jas