PS~ I’ll try to send the message in a week or two, due to some reasons.

Nothing. I’ll discuss it with a couple of other friends and then send it. If she replies that she’s firmly decided to not continue our bond ever again, I’ll accept. And it’ll be the last of me here as well. My purpose of being here was reuniting with her. If it fails, then I don’t see any more purpose for me here. I’ll always be grateful for all your help and guidance, Anita.

OK Anita. Thanks a lot, truly. 🙂 I could not have done this without you. Honestly speaking, I am not at peace with saying that I must accept it if the bond is truly over. I admit it’s selfish of me. But I know it’s the right thing to say too… to acknowledge and respect her feelings. If she really does say that she does not want to continue the bond, I have to accept it, right. Can’t go back on my words. 🙁 I don’t know how I feel. I’m just praying she understands.

I’ll send soon after showing a couple of my friends. What if she doesn’t reply? For how long should I wait… and then, should I send any other message? What if she messages via her sister? What if her reply is negative like I mentioned above? Just voicing my doubts and fears.

Thanks a lot, Anita. It’s really good. I added a few points from my original message and merged here… please see if its ok. Otherwise will send the above message you edited.

*****

Hi Jerry. I’m messaging because my exams are over at last and I am not as distressed as I was before. My thinking is clearer and my understanding has improved. I now accept that we both are governed by social and cultural rules, and I am nobody to consider myself above the same. In that context, I accept I have done a great wrong. I betrayed our sis/bro relationship. Through our whole communication, you loved me as a brother, and as a brother only. Your actions were strictly that of a sister. You have done no wrong. It was I who failed to live up to your trust and faith in me. I made a big mistake. I admit I lost my temper over petty issues, behaved badly with you, even stopped talking. I took your love and respect, your forgiveness and the special position you gave to me, for granted. I’m sorry for everything you had to go through because of me.
I miss you and the bond we shared. If it is indeed over, I must accept it. If it is your need now that I must no longer message you, then I must comply. This would be the loving thing for me to do. I must not again violate your rights and disregard your feelings. My depression and pain are mine to deal with, my responsibility and not yours. Your responsibility is to do what is right for you; to take care of yourself and be happy. I have been told to remain happy with all the others who call me brother. But you know better than me that no relation can ever take the place of another. And nobody can ever take your place in my life either, Jerry. I regret betraying our sis/brother bond and am more than willing to do everything I can to resurrect it and make it better. I will be the best brother a sister can have. But you would be the one to decide if you will give me another chance, and if you do, it will be you to decide if I succeed or not.

I modified my previous message in light of our present discussion. Please see if its okay –

*****

I know you don’t want to talk to me and I know I am fallen in the eyes of you and your sister. I understand and accept why. I don’t know whether you’ll reply or read this message, or delete it after a glance. I’m messaging you because my exams are over at last, and this is something I have been wishing to say for long, Jerry. I don’t feel repeating what we’ve said before is apt. I accept that we both are governed by social and cultural rules, and I am nobody to consider myself above the same. In that context, I accept that I have done a great wrong, whatever my motivations were. If it means I became a monster, I accept that I am one. I accept that you loved me as a brother only and never expected this from me. I failed to live up to your trust and faith in me. I know you don’t like these things and that’s why I tried to keep my feelings from you and confessed only to our two mutual friends. I admit I have lost my temper over petty issues, behaved badly with you, even stopped talking. I took your love and respect, your forgiveness and the special position you gave to me, for granted. I was selfish, obnoxious and inconsiderate. I’m sorry for everything you had to go through because of me. I was so touched by your last message, “though he hurted me with the bad words he used, I’ll pray for him and always think good only for him”, I promised to change myself and I’ve made every effort to stop using bad language and losing temper.

I only wanted to say that I never stopping caring for you, willfully disrespected you or thought inappropriately of you, Jerry. My love was always based on respect for you as a person and your virtues which make you who you are. I wish you could understand that my underlying motivation is sincere, and not lust or obsession. I don’t know about anything else, but I miss you. I miss you and our bond every day and every moment. There has not been a single day from 7th March when I’ve had a single moment of peace. I have been told to remain happy with all the others who call me brother. But you know better than me that no relation can ever take the place of another. And nobody can ever take your place in my life either, Jerry. That’s how it has been and how it always will be. I’m not asking for any special place in your life, and I have no right to request anything from you. I admit that I wanted to message more often, but I realized that it’s not an act of love or care but rather a violation of your rights and feelings. It will be termed as obsessive and pathological behaviour and make me no different from a stalker, no matter what my motivation is. That’s the last thing I want to be, and last thing I want to do is to harass or cause stress to you. If you’ve deemed it final that you want to have nothing to do with me, then I guess the only correct thing will be to respect your decision and keep silent henceforth. I’ll always wish well for you and pray that by some miracle, you understand someday. If not, I’ll keep silent and find some way to cope with my depression and pain. It pains me to say this, but what more can I do. I wanted to convey that I accept I genuinely did wrong, and you should know this.

If she says she is only okay with me messaging her on FB and regarding only a few topics, maybe I would accept and keep it the way she wants, for now. Maybe as time passes, I can focus on my goal slowly as we discuss and deem appropriate (or not at all, if its dishonest or inconsiderate). If she says that she no longer wants to have any contact at all… I honestly don’t know what to say.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by ravi_zimmerfan.

That does sound appropriate, Anita. I never thought of it in that manner. The thing is, both Jerry and her sister have had a tendency of misconstruing my words and since communication via messages is not as good at expressing emotion/tone as a phone conversation (where you can actually hear the person’s tone and other nuances which help you make out their intents and state of mind), I could not be sure whether her sister would take it as I mean or interpret it as cockiness. Either way, if there’s any way I could speak to her in this manner appropriately in the future, I will surely do it.

I agree that it’s not right to quote her sister’s words back at Jerry. Regarding my motivations… before our present convo, I would have said my wish is to make up to Jerry for everything that happened, help her realize that her act of breaking relations was extreme and hope to gradually re-establish our relation. Now, I want to focus on her situation and understand it well. Then, I want to confess to her that I have done my best to understand her perspective now and I’m sorry for not doing it before. I want to empathize with her feelings… and instead of projecting my pre-conceived notions on her, give her a chance to express herself properly, what she had to go through because of me. I’ll accept what she says, I won’t argue. I want to comfort her selflessly, in any appropriate manner. Though I wish to re-establish our relation, I don’t want to put that up on the priority list. I don’t want to act selfishly. I want to do what I failed to do before and genuinely respect her feelings, allow her to express herself, understand her words properly and comfort her, as we discussed now.

I don’t deny that I’m clearly not good at effective communication. But it doesn’t mean I did not care for her perspective of the event, her feelings. I didn’t write the full convo here; when Jerry messaged me the last time, part of my first message was this – “I know you always loved me as your brother only, you never expected me to feel like this and I know how betrayed and hurt you felt on learning about my feelings. I knew you will feel that way and that’s why I had chosen to keep them from you and confess only to those friends.” I wasn’t imposing my views on her here or trying to dictate what she’s feeling. I said it because her sister kept saying “we never expected this from you”.

I realize now I should have asked her more about how she feels… but how could I have done it? “Are you feeling hurt? Please tell me how you feel, don’t hesitate” sounds so corny and rather pushy. I honestly don’t know how I could’ve asked that to her. 🙁