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October 25, 2014 at 8:35 pm #66775
I am a 35 yr old mother of two. I have been divorced since January. I started dating an amazing guy in April. He is calm and mellow, supportive, kind, patient. Everything I wanted in a man. He met my sons after a few months of dating and has been a part of their lives. He is not from the town that I am from and I was always afraid that he would leave, since he was only here for his job. He assured me that thus wasn’t the case. We were not only lovers her best friends. We talked about plans for the future, he looked at houses to purchase.
Abour 2.5 weeks ago my bf blindsided me and told me he was moving. That he loves me but something is telling him that he needs to be near family. He was crying and emotional when he told me. We’ve had limited contact since then, which kills me. He got a job and is leaving next week.
At first I was completely shocked. We didn’t have a fight, didn’t grow apart, everything was fine. My bf is 33, never married, no kids. All of his long term relationships have been long distance. I asked him if our commitment was too much and he said no.
I’m better these last few days than i have been. But I’m still having a hard time. The roller coaster of one day being positive and hopeful and the next day being sad is killing me. Nights and weekends are the worst. It’s like all of the sadness I’ve been holding in comes out.
I realize that this is not a reflection on me and is nothing I dud. But I cant understand how we can leave someone that he loves. I am chalking it up to commitment issues. Maybe the reality of an in town girlfriend with kids was too much and he just doesn’t want to tell me.
I’m trying different techniques to stop my circular thinking, but it’s hard. I’m feelingvery hopeless and sad right now. Not to mention alone. We dated for 6 months, which is obviously not long. But I think that the first break up after divorce is worse than others. Because my boyfriend and I were also best friends, this hurts a million times more than my divorce.
Any input, insight or advice would be appreciated!October 24, 2014 at 11:04 pm #66759
I completely understand where you’re coming from. At the age of 35 I have recently realized that I am not the “depressed girl” that everyone labeled me as. It has been truly liberating to realize that truth. I am seeing a therapist who helps immensely. I would recommend you do the same. I have submerged myself in tiny Buddha articles. They really help! I know that I cannot change overnight and neither can you. However, taking baby steps is better than taking no steps. Be patient with yourself. Journal, yoga, make a bucket list of things you want to do just for you. All of these action items will help…just have faith. Good luck!October 24, 2014 at 8:44 pm #66749
Thank you so much for your advice. I researched commitment phobia and he does meet some of the descriptions and he meets them. It doesn’t make my heart hurt any less, but it does help me understand. Thank God for tiny Buddha…this site has been a life saver!