The Breakup Diary

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    Dump your email account. You could set him to spam, but you might still be tempted to read it. Change your account. Its a pain but necessary. Change your phone number. If he wont go away thats a form of stalking, put as much distance between him as you can.

    This next part is gonna be harsh….

    Screw him!!! His problems arent yours. He took that right away from you. I went throught something like this with my ex, not to the degree you are but she contacted me about something and wanted me to cheer her up like the old days. I told her to F off and so should you. If its real I feel for him as a human being but it has nothing to do with you. Its nothing for you to think about let alone worry about.

    Dont let this get to you, think about my suggestions and do whats right for you. Stay strong and keep your head up. You’ve been doing to well to revert back.


    @Arient Break-up Diary

    I feel you Arient, I just slowly broke things off with this guy that I have met when I studied abroad today, a couple of hours ago. I met him last december, kept in touch all the time. then, I felt like I was losing him again.
    I saw him not so long ago when I came back to Europe for a 4 week holidays, 2 months ago. Everything felt wonderful, as if I knew he was the one for me and completely understood me. Understood that ugly and that beauty inside me.

    I spent 3 weeks with him, met his friends and his family. We laughed, and had soo many deep conversations. Went on bike rides and boat rides, sat and relaxed in the room, listen to music. I have never felt that way before with anyone, in a very very intimate way. He valued my talent in art and my creativity, would boast it to his friends. and always say that I was beautiful.

    and Would make me coffee and breakfast in the morning..

    It was very hard to say goodbye again, twice, since I had to go back home and finish my undergrad. We both decided to be in a open relationship. But we had to promise once we run into another “lover” we would tell each other. and knew we would see each other again, and he would try to come to CA.

    Now I’m back in California. And Things have became rough on me.. sometimes he would message me, but we hardly ever talk. Once a week on th phone.. Like as if Im losing all the connection with him…and I panic, and become so insecure. I called him today, after surfing. I mean.. come on..I go surfing and I felt miserable.

    The things is, we use to talk a lot.. and every week. it was less. Less talking, less messaging, less responds. I told him that it hurts me when he messages me, but does not reply. He said he does, but I shouldn’t freak out over something thats text messaging.
    He tells me that I am so far, that things are not the same how it is in person.

    It breaks my heart. I love him so much, but he thinks of us as “good friends” at the moment. But I don’t. I know we had something more.

    He just doesn’t know how it is… I have fallen in love before, I was engaged. But It was a very hard,it was an aggressive relationship. Then I met this guy, who I thought who was going to be it for me.

    I do everything to make my life worthwhile, I am in school, about to get my BA this year, I am in two organizations at my university, I am currently a president at one of the organizations, I volunteer a lot, I have a part time job so I can go back and visit Europe. Im an artist, I paint and do murals for this organization. I will be going back to school in two weeks.
    I have higher goals. and I wanted to stay there and work there. But I had education as my number one priority. and to be successful and have a career.

    But I do everything right… I do everything right for myself. but I want love. and someone to love me, I want a man to protect me, to laugh with me, to be intimate with me. I never ask for anything else. Why is that so hard?

    Sometimes, I feel like Im so sensitive in the inside, like a child because… all I want is love love love, and when I love.. It hurts.

    Now, I want to lose this passion that I have. that means if I lose it, I’ll lose that side of me. that fire, which goes with my love for art.

    Should I feel nothing.. and be like the rest of the population? Now, I just want to give up on love. And maybe, just find someone for the convenience.

    Sometimes I think I feel so weak because all I want is fire. But the truth is, If I don’t love, then I don’t have passion for what I do and for what I am living for.

    I know everyone says, I am young why worry about it. the truth is, I have a lot to worry. and I am trying to focus. but I am losing motivation when I cannot love.

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 8 months ago by lil.lily. Reason: needed to add and change things

    Let me share my story…
    I met him who is my colleague at that time. We were stationed in different offices though under same company. We happen to have the chance and work together on a project in oct 2013. During the project phase, we email, call and discuss on the project. I treat him like a normal colleague during that time. I thought I will remain single as I’m not into marriage or having a relationship due to some unhappiness that happened to my parents.

    He started to text me more often and ask me out from nov 2013 to Feb 2014. I’m open to relationship if it is destined so I just try out. During the first 2-3 months, he was very sweet and caring but we only go out for a few times and he asked to be my boyfriend and I accepted after serious consideration for 1 day. Texting becomes his daily routine with me and I really thought he could be the guy for me and change my concept of marriage. He will share with me his daily activities like went running, the food he had for the day, etc etc…whether I have taken my meals…what I’m doing …etc.
    Just when I have started to accept him fully, he suddenly goes into a state of silence. He stop texting me and I was wondering what happen? I tried to show care and concern but he ignore. He replied me 5-6 days later and said he is sorry to let me worry but he never tell me the reason. I still don’t know what happen until now. His daily texting started to get lesser and I don’t know why. I’m used to waiting for his sms after his evening run and he would replied that he is tired after the running and talk tomorrow. The next day, he will be working and not much texting and after work, he will go running again and no sms…In short, he is no longer like last time regardless of how tired he is, he will sms me. When I try to arrange for outing for weekends, he started to give excuses like tired after running. btw, he is very obssessive in running, he will run in the morning before going to work at least 10km and sometimes he will run during lunch time and every day after work will go running again another 10-20km. He will also go running on weekends, twice a day on weekends. Sometimes I wonder is he in this stage because I’m officially his girlfriend and he no longer needs to care for me? There are certain things which he promised me like he would go to certain places together with me but never fulfiled.

    Though the texting get lesser, he still treat me as his girlfriend. As his girlfriend, I tried to treasure every moment with him when he is not running. sometimes asking him for lunch but he says he wants to go running, go to his sister’s house. He never share with me if he is facing any issues at his family, I really don’t know if I can help him in any way as a girlfriend. Sometimes I tried to talk to him but he will avoid.

    I was transferred to the same office site as him and same team in Apr 2014. We may bump into each other at times and behave normally. However, I realised that he no longer wanted to communicate face to face, I have tried to ask/text but he never reply me. In the end, I have no choice but to initiate a break up in May. It was really painful for me as he is my first love. I never officially intro him to family or friends because I still can’t find the identity he gave me. Even my break up to him is thru sms and he just replied 2 days later with a 🙁 smiley face. I don’t have chance to tell him why I initiate the break up and he seems like he also doesn’t want to know or hear.

    I really can’t be with a guy who doesn’t communicate with me properly. As times goes by in office, I realised that he doesn’t like to communicate with people or he has difficulties understanding people. Email content interpretation is a bit weird coming from him. Few colleagues commented they also do not know whether he is doing certain things for them based on the email he replied. When they call him, he may not answer. He is only close to a few colleagues. There was once when his boss asked both of us in a discussion and wanted him to produce a report. Many days passed and when his boss saw the report, his boss commented that the report was not correct and asked me to help him. I told him I can go thru with him and even work overtime with him but he ignore and proceed his way to rework on the report. End results of the 2nd version of the report also rejected by his boss due to his misinterpretation. I really want to help him but he is not giving me any chance.

    I tried very hard to treat him as normal colleague after break up but I’m still thinking of him everyday till now. Last month, his boss screamed at him due to some report what was done by him and I tried to comfort him thru texting. I try to show care and concern for him as a colleague. He replied my sms that he can no longer stay in this company because his boss embarrassed him in front of others by screaming at him. I told him I help him to look out for new job. after this, he never reply anymore. I did send a few job openings thru sms but he never reply. I’m tired already frankly speaking…but I still think of him daily though lesser. When I’m working, I will concentrate on my work but when I’m taking a break, I will think of him…whether he is having any difficulties in work which I can help…he is seated in a cubicle few metres away from me but blocked. Sometimes I can still hear his voice. I’m really feeling very miserable whenever I go to office but I keep on telling myself that I need to forget him!


    Hello all,

    First I would like to say how happy i am to have found this website.
    Ive been struggling for the past week trying to put my pieces back together. I has with my girlfriend for 6 years. We graduated highschool, traveled through asia, and graduated college together. We grew up together. I guess Ive always been introverted and shes always been the one to want to go out. It had been a constant struggle. I hated myself for not enjoying the things she enjoyed and feeling “boring”. I tried everything in my power to make sure she was entertained in my presence. But I guess it wasnt enough. Because Then she got a job at a nightclub and lots of attention from others.She broke up with me saying that she needed to find herself and that she didnt feel the same for me anymore. We lived together at the time and she wouldn’t come home some nights. The nights she did, she was drunk. She would text guys and tell me to be free and move on. I feel thrown aside. As soon as she found the excitement she needed, I was no longer of any use. Once she realized that she could get attention elsewhere, I was a parasite. She claims we grew apart, but in my heart i know its because she has better, more exciting things to look forward to now that I am out of the picture.
    I feel so low. 6 years of trying to be enough for her. And now I dont know who I am.


    Dreamer – Two words. Block him on your phone and emails. Good luck. Stay the course. Enough.


    Hi everyone. Its good to have a space like this where sharing happens. Ive had my share if heartaches over time, and needless to say, im in one at the moment thats why im here posting. Any relationship that goes sour hurts really bad. And from what ive gone thru (and going thru again!), the way to move forward is to feel your emotions (pain, anger, resentment, etc), accept the finality that there is no “us” but “you” and to make yourself understand that the only person you need to think of is yourself.

    Being dumped after 8 yrs is mind blowing, to say the least. Your ex hitting on your friend so soon after that exacerbates the pain even further. Ive gone from no sleep to some sleep and now a few hours of sleep. Days have gone by and its one hell of a feat. Ive cried my eyes out in the first few weeks and still do but the frequency has diminished. Time has a way if easing the pain, i must say. I have my lows and holidays/weekends are the worst times for me. Guys who posted earlier are right in saying that keeping busy has its way of taking your mind off the situation. But at the end of the day when i lie in bed, my mind starts working overtime thinking of the past, of him. I did not need FB or viber to stalk him. My mind was doing all these bad things for me… IT must be the fear of moving forward on my own that i am crying for. Because everytime i ask myself if i would to go back to being us, the answer would be no. We were blessed with 8 years of togetherness to seal it but at the end of all my efforts, he decided he could not match mine. Or more aptly, he DID NOT WANT TO. Life is made of choices. He chose to not be with me – and that i cannot do anything about. I kniw wht needs to be done to forget him, but frail as i am emotionally – i often fall from the horse that will take me to a better place. I feel better after almost 3 months post-separation but i am not completely healed. My head says go but my heart is stuck. To make me feel better, i constantly have to remind myself that i have to let “us” go. When i am taken that few steps backward, i feel my pain and walk forward again ever so slowly. And this has helped a lot. I still coukd not bear thoughts of him with someone else but guys in this thread are right – i have no right to question who and why he is with that someone. My past cannot be changed and i cannot make him come back. I know i will stumble on my way to being someone better but i am beginning to realize that i MUST ensure that i get ME there. To that better place. And my mind has to help me do it. Because no one else can.


    This is my first post, but I really hope that by putting my story out there I can finally start to feel better.

    I met my boyfriend 4 years ago, following a bad break up of an ex. He made me feel special and wanted to heal me. I was struggling really badly with Body Dysmophic Disorder and hated everything about myself. Because of this, I had to tell him I couldn’t be with him because I couldn’t get naked in front of him and was terrified of anything sexual. Instead of running for the hills, he stuck by me and promised to help me. The months went by, and we frequently argued and he cried a lot. But we also had such fun and I fell in love with him very quickly. Because of my disorder, we didn’t go out a lot, I didn’t meet his friends, we didn’t take photos together or get intimate, but he was always there. We smoked a lot of cannabis and watched films and just spent time together.
    Fast forward 2 years, and I finally sought help from a counsellor. My thoughts of myself were ruining our relationship, and I had made this poor man go 2 years sex free. Looking back, I feel distraught at how unwanted he must have felt. At this point, the arguing stopped, he didn’t want to get his hopes up. He started smoking more, quit his job and lost contacts with his friends.

    After 3 years together, I finally started to gain confidence, it was a slow process. But as this happened, my partner went downhill. He developed anxiety issues and wouldn’t leave the house. He soon began to depend on me. We eventually had sex, and it was incredible. We were happy, but he still wasn’t himself. I got a job in London and was busy with friends and family. He stopped contacting me or making any effort. I tried my hardest to make him involved in my life, but he wasn’t interested. We had a month of only swapping a few texts.

    He broke up with me last week. He said he was finally started to feel like his old self again and he was happy. After hoping and wishing for 4 years that we would get to the point where we were both happy in ourselves, he decide to give up hope. He said it is too late and too much has happened. I feel physically sick that we finally got to a point in our lives where we could be a normal couple and he doesn’t want to anymore.

    I have so many regrets. I wish I could have tried harder to overcome my illness and just had sex with him, give him the love he really deserved from the start. Instead I drained him of all emotion, and now someone else will get his affections because I didn’t deserve it. I still have so much hope, our story seems too complicated and difficult to just give up on it. He was my knight in shining armour and I completely ruined his life.

    How do I give up this hope? The hope that I have felt with every atom in my body for the past 4 years? I have never wanted anything or thought about anything so much, and now I have to accept that it will never happen. I don’t know if I can just end this chapter of my life, without knowing how it could have been.

    Regina Carey

    I am a 35 yr old mother of two. I have been divorced since January. I started dating an amazing guy in April. He is calm and mellow, supportive, kind, patient. Everything I wanted in a man. He met my sons after a few months of dating and has been a part of their lives. He is not from the town that I am from and I was always afraid that he would leave, since he was only here for his job. He assured me that thus wasn’t the case. We were not only lovers her best friends. We talked about plans for the future, he looked at houses to purchase.

    Abour 2.5 weeks ago my bf blindsided me and told me he was moving. That he loves me but something is telling him that he needs to be near family. He was crying and emotional when he told me. We’ve had limited contact since then, which kills me. He got a job and is leaving next week.

    At first I was completely shocked. We didn’t have a fight, didn’t grow apart, everything was fine. My bf is 33, never married, no kids. All of his long term relationships have been long distance. I asked him if our commitment was too much and he said no.

    I’m better these last few days than i have been. But I’m still having a hard time. The roller coaster of one day being positive and hopeful and the next day being sad is killing me. Nights and weekends are the worst. It’s like all of the sadness I’ve been holding in comes out.

    I realize that this is not a reflection on me and is nothing I dud. But I cant understand how we can leave someone that he loves. I am chalking it up to commitment issues. Maybe the reality of an in town girlfriend with kids was too much and he just doesn’t want to tell me.

    I’m trying different techniques to stop my circular thinking, but it’s hard. I’m feelingvery hopeless and sad right now. Not to mention alone. We dated for 6 months, which is obviously not long. But I think that the first break up after divorce is worse than others. Because my boyfriend and I were also best friends, this hurts a million times more than my divorce.

    Any input, insight or advice would be appreciated!


    This reply has been reported for inappropriate content.

    Dear Diary,

    March 28, 2024

    It’s been a while since I’ve shared my thoughts in a diary. Whenever I have someone, he is not just my love or soulmate, it’s like being with my best friend and I tend to confide all my thoughts, feelings and emotions in them. This is the best feeling that doesn’t feel like an outcast or being left alone and makes me so composed. I usually turn to writing when I’m emotionally broken, disappointed, have lost hope and also when the storm rages within, at the same time, outwardly the body remains in a silent, subdued state that is trying hard to hide. I’m doing my best to heal and gather myself, but it’s so so difficult. Feeling normal or uninjured seems like an impossible task. I don’t know what I should do. One moment I’m okay and strong, and the very next moment I feel like begging or killing myself. I have never felt such pain in any other conquered situation. Why does it still hurt so much that sleepless nights and an unstable mind become the most prominent parts of days?

    Even at an age over 40, I still cannot deal with this pain. It feels so scattered inside, with so much restlessness. I have never felt so helpless in any other situation. The universe remains numb when it comes to my emotions, again and again. I don’t know how far it will continue. It feels like I should not have been made with so many emotions.


    Dear Moutoshi:

    I usually turn to writing when I’m emotionally broken, disappointed, have lost hope and also when the storm rages within“- you write so well, there’s an easy flow to your writing. Reading your words, your combination of words,  feels- to me- like floating in a gentle, blue ocean.

    Whenever I have someone, he is not just my love or soulmate, it’s like being with my best friend and I tend to confide all my thoughts, feelings and emotions in them. This is the best feeling that doesn’t feel like an outcast or being left alone and makes me so composed“- confiding all your thoughts, feelings and emotions calms that rage within. Not having a best friend to confide in, and the rage builds?

    One moment I’m okay and strong, and the very next moment I feel like begging or killing myself… Even at an age over 40, I still cannot deal with this pain. It feels so scattered inside, with so much restlessness… The universe remains numb when it comes to my emotions, again and again. I don’t know how far it will continue. It feels like I should not have been made with so many emotions“-  What a unique way to say it: I should not have been  made with so many emotions.

    Since you were made with so many emotions causing so much restlessness within you, there are ways to calm down the restlessness/ the rage-within: confiding with another and writing are two such ways. There are other ways, the practice of emotion regulation skills. Mindfulness is such practice

    When I was fortunate enough to attend my first quality psychotherapy, with decades-long rage-within, my therapist’s first attention was not to the stories behind my rage/ restlessness, but to calming it. He assigned me with listening to one guided meditations every day (theme: Mindfulness) in the effort to lessen the intensity of my emotions so that they don’t overwhelm me. I hope to read more from you and if you’d like, we can communicate for a while. Perhaps other members will reply to you as well.



    Thankyou Anita for your warm words. As I said it’s so difficult now to accept the reality. I know time will pass but how I can heal is uncertain. Thankyou once again for taking out time and sharing an energy.


    You are very welcome, Moutoshi. Anytime you’d like to share your thoughts and feelings, in the special way you do, please do, I’d love to read, and reply.


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